New & Unsure

Hello new Universe of like-minded people! We are a married couple of 12 years who've recently experienced our first sexual encounter with another man. Having done plenty of research on polyamory, we originally felt that the casual encounters would likely be best and "safest" for us. However this was not the case with our new "friend" as time went on we began to visualize ourselves incorporating him into our life as well as craving more of his time and attention. Unfortunately for us, due to the casual nature of our arrangement, he found somebody and had to break things off with us, leaving us quite bereft.

We never thought polyamory would be something for us; jealousy can be a scary thing to contend with and most times avoidance was the best medicine. We're hoping to find answers and inspiration from this online community in hopes of helping clarify if this is a lifestyle that would work for us.
 
Hello and welcome!

Glad you found this forum - there is plenty of information to be found here. Feel free to browse and read everything that seems interesting; as well as post your own thoughts and questions. It is good to start gathering knowledge about poly and then make decisions of which way to proceed. It can be very exciting and scary, too!

Your experience with another man sounded like a positive one, even though it had to end. You never know what future will hold for you!
 
Hi there and welcome! I am glad you two decided to explore something new. Even though it didn't last, don't give up! There are billions of people in the world. You will find your perfect match in time. :)
 
Finding a good man...

we originally felt that the casual encounters would likely be best and "safest" for us. However this was not the case with our new "friend" as time went on we began to visualize ourselves incorporating him into our life as well as craving more of his time and attention. Unfortunately for us, due to the casual nature of our arrangement, he found somebody and had to break things off with us, leaving us quite bereft.

Welcome, from one new member to another!

I was once the "additional" man, having been invited into a brief MFM triad with a hetero M/F couple, and can appreciate your first experience, at least from his perspective.

My MFM triad experience went on for a few months, but there was an expectation, if not understanding, from the beginning that there would be a finite end to it, which was okay with all concerned.

But, the difference was that we all began as new, platonic friends and hit it off quite quickly. Once we were friends, the couple then brought the topic up (it was due to a special situation in their lives that I won't mention here). We all didn't want it to end, but there was no other way. I'm still hoping for a repeat!

While more casual encounters are usually easier to start, they often end just as abruptly. Most often it's due to the fact that most of the men who enjoy brief, casual encounters are the type that either don't want a real relationship, or can't handle them. They usually 'move on' once they've put a notch in the bedpost. I don't know if this is what happened in your case, but I think it's fairly common.

At least your all-too-brief encounter ended on the more hopeful, positive side, showing you what's possible, if you can get the stars to line up properly!

I'm sure you already realize it, but you and your partner should use this experience to refine your "rules of engagement," to improve the chances of finding a better match for the type of triad you would most enjoy, and that will help you find a more compatible 3rd person. You might want to think in terms of relationship, rather than encounter. You know, FWB, or something more, and then be able to wait until you find a guy who's a good fit, both for what you're looking for and for what he's looking for. Just a suggestion.

If you have any questions that the "additional man" might help with, feel free to ask here or PM me.

Again, welcome!
 
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Greetings thedevotedcouple,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I hope we can help you decide if poly is right for you. I can offer some jealousy-related links, if you think that might help. Let me know.

I have links for looking for poly people and groups too, just say the word; but I'm thinking you would rather not look right now and need some time to grieve.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Welcome! I am happy to hear that you and your husband have opened up in ways that most relationships don't. This lifestyle can be confusing at times and it can be hard to adjust to in a relationship but at least you and your husband have a little bit of hands on experience with this and that's a great start. My Fiance and I are committed but open in our relationship and even though we have only been together almost 3 years now we are still very new to the lifestyle and we have not been able to dip our feet in just yet but we both have an understanding in the kind of polyamorous relationship we envision in our future together.

It's nice to meet you and good luck! :D
 
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