Hello. I'm new to this, and need advice!

Averyswolf

New member
Here's my story:

I started dating a girl a couple weeks ago, lets call her Sam. Sam and I hit it off. I haven't felt anything for another girl since my ex broke up with me 6 years ago. But with Sam, I do. We met on Tinder.

A couple days after, another girl, she can be Julie, text me on Tinder, and I hit it off with her as well.

With Julie, I feel more open to being myself, but Sam was the one I really felt something for.

I've never been in a polyamorous relationship. I've been told by someone who is that maybe I am polyamorous and should give it a shot. I'm open to the idea, and would love to share myself with both Sam and Julie, but I don't know how to go about doing it. I think Julie could possibly be into it, but I'm not sure about Sam yet.

I really don't want to hurt either, and don't want to lie. Any advice from someone who's been there will be greatly appreciated.
 
I'm hoping your polyamorous friend knows somwthing we don't. All you've shown here is that you have met two women on tinder and may want to date both.

But lets assume you've had these poly feelings for quite some time. The first thing you do is let them both know. You may lose one or the other or both.
 
Welcome to the forum.

I'm hoping your polyamorous friend knows somwthing we don't. All you've shown here is that you have met two women on tinder and may want to date both.

But lets assume you've had these poly feelings for quite some time. The first thing you do is let them both know. You may lose one or the other or both.


I disagree. I'd give a big ole slowdown on the whole thing. If you've just now connected and think a relationship is possible, take one or the other and cultivate it. Trying to build two long term romantic relationships at the same time seems foolhardy to me especially if you're just trying out poly for the first time.

Now, what I would do is say you don't plan on being exclusive for a while. Date both of them until you don't have to. Don't hide it or pretend you're only dating one, but there's nothing that says you have to immediately jump into an exclusive relationship. If they want that NOW, then you can decide, but you might find out they don't want an exclusive relationship with you right NOW either.

You might find that you aren't poly after all, but instead you just have the hots for two women you met in the last month. As it develops into a real relationship, the desire you feel for one of them could fade.
 
Greetings Averyswolf,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I feel that you should be honest with both Sam and Julie. Tell each of them about the other, and say that you are thinking about trying polyamory, with their consent of course. You could lose one or both of them, but honesty is really important.

Keep reading and posting here on Polyamory.com, it is important to learn as much about poly as you can. I hope we can be of help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Well now

Where you from? I'm from the center of the US!

I'm sure Sam is down for it too, as long as partners for her is in your Vocabulary, if you'd be cool with that!? From the start
And good luck, keep us posted, we'll help you?
 
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Hi Averyswolf - welcome to the Forum! As was posted already - you may have a natural inclination toward poly - or you may just may be attracted to two women. Remember that polyamory involves the knowledge and consent of all involved (so, no, the guy that has two girl friends <who don't know about each> is not poly.) If you wish to dig deeper, we have lots of experienced poly folks here who are generally friendly and helpful - feel free to post questions on the Poly Relationships Corner or the General Poly Discussion sections and you will almost certainly receive a good response. Best of luck on your journey! Al
 
Feeling love for two people is entirely possible, but actually living a poly life (be it two committed long-term relationships, or something more fluid) takes a lot more than just love. It takes contemplating the practicalities and the consequences (such as scheduling, putting more energy into relationships than you were used to, doing serious self-work, less flexibility due to multiple commitments, possibly helping raise someone else's child...) and making a decision to accept the lifestyle from both you and your partners.

Don't want to scare you away... oops, actually I do. If you're thinking about poly just because you don't want to break up with either... reconsider. It will be far more hassle than you can imagine, so unless you very much want a lifestyle of having multiple partners, just don't.
 
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