redpepper
Active member
My need to revisit things in order to make sense of it sends her completely over the bend. After it is discussed once, it is officially done, never to be broached again.
oh geez, this is so PN and I. He needs to revisit over and over,,, same words and questions... just slightly different each time we talk about something. Drives me crazy too!
I took the unusual step of writing them both an open letter, where I layed out all of my perspectives. This seemed to work for everyone, although the ensuing Instant Message session that C and I had turned ugly as she again thought I was discussing things too much, or more to the point, 'rehashing'.
A very good idea to write a letter. Sometimes emailing back and forth makes all the difference to us if there is lots of heated emotion to damper down... admittedly from me
Nothing wrong with re-hashing, but perhaps she needs longer breaks between talking? Maybe you could be more respectful that she doesn't want to go over something again right now?
Is this the time you just pay for a therapist and leave the discussion out of the relationship, or how else can two different styles meet in the middle? How do you tell someone that you need to move past things by processing and revisiting?
A therapist might help... we don't have one or use one because we get there in the end when we let things settle before revisiting usually. We have used one in the past however... it sounds like you know you have two communication styles. Have you talked about that? What differences you have around communication and what works for you both? It could help and shed some light on what you can do to communicated more affectively.
Really though, the whole thing is an on going process. It needs to be said that with more partners involved, more communication needs to happen!