Why do I begrudge people who I love pleasure? Why do I envy their bliss? Why am I jealous of their love for others? Why do I try to take power over them and bend them to my will? Why do I blame them for shit that is entirely my responsibility? Why do I try to limit the growth, joy, pleasure, adventure, experience and spaciousness of the very people I pretend to love the most? Why am I even sometimes secretly pleased when they suffer? And why do I exert all of these forms of my self-will in the name of love and then act like the wounded victim, the one who has been wronged and ripped off, when it all goes to shit?
why? if you can realize that the ego is asking these questions,you'll understand why. all those questions are coming from the ego,which is responsible for our suffering. step back away from it,look out from that "big love" or the unconditional love ,which is your true Self or higher divinity Self,the egoless Self. i recomend reading anything from osho,on the ego,or a new earth by eckhart tolle. you'll get an idea of what the ego is doing. remember, ego is not who you really are.