Overwhelmed
Almost two months since my last post. There has been some shit with my Dad's health issues, but I won't go there here, because I think the situation is under control, and I'm all consumed by my love life.
So, I was about to meet Reddington's partner.
We did meet, and for now, I'm going to call Reddington's partner Sherlock. Because he's hot as hell and so is Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock in the HBO series New Sherlock. So the situation already is such that I need a nickname for my new metamour. You can guess where this is going.
The meeting itself with Reddington and Sherlock was ok, although Sherlock was quite nervous and couldn't shut up. He kept talking and talking... So we talked about sailing and shit, but we didn't talk about the relationship situation at all. Still, at least I got my confirmation that Sherlock indeed knew that I exist in Reddington's life. Despite everything, the meeting was surprisingly fun. Later on, I met Sherlock once in their home when he was coming home from work and I was leaving the house. I ensured him that I would be out of the way in a minute, and to my surprise, he responded that I was not a disturbance. What a nice surprise!
Based on these brief moments and whatever Reddington decided to tell me about Sherlock and what he was saying and doing, I developed an extremely weird longing to meet him again. I don't know why, it just happened.
Meanwhile, the relationship between Reddington and I really blossomed. It's been two months now, and he just recently said it feels like 20 years have passed, because so much has happened. We have seen each other as much as possible, and we have talked about everything, and we have kind of settled in. Despite the fact that at the same time, we get to know each other in terms of what we like (music, food, movies), what we do, what our hobbies are etc. Mutual love is a basic fact in our life now. I was worried because the thought of love and the word popped up so early on, but the feeling keeps only deepening. So I already feel I have two long-term partners: Kay and Reddington. Although the fact is that it's been only two months with Reddington.
We boldly planned a holiday for me in their summer cottage. After meeting me once or twice, Sherlock readily agreed that he was ok with the idea that I would spend over a week with Reddington in their summer cottage, and moreover, I would be there for a couple of days even after he would himself show up. I was really amazed he gave as a green light with this plan. I think I maybe would have not. Sherlock has delivered positive surprises on almost every corner.
The holiday was wonderful. It was so peaceful there, just Reddington and I. We didn't do anything. We took a lot of rest, and we had a lot of sex. That's about it. It was beyond words, really. Then, Sherlock texted that he's planning to arrive a day earlier than planned and asked if it was ok for us. I didn't even notice I could appreciate him asking that, because I immediately got so nervous about meeting him and spending almost three whole days with him, or in his presence. But once again, Sherlock delivered several welcomed surprises. He was totally ok with Reddington and me. Just like that. Everything was easy, everything was smooth. We had a great time together and laughed our asses off.
I learned Sherlock is an extremely funny guy, who tends to reflect a lot. I got the impression that he is able to use his brain. So, this is already a winning combination for me. On top of that, Sherlock is just gorgeous. His body is perfect, maybe even divine. And he just happened to walk around the house without a shirt the first evening (because of a heat wave). I was pretty shaken and kept staring at him. Might have been drooling a bit. So that was pretty crazy. I also had a couple of opportunities to talk with him alone - I wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation that he so generously let me in and made space for me (he let me sleep with Reddington!).
Many small funny incidents happened and I keep thinking about them at home. The thing is now that Sherlock makes me smile when I think about him. Again, I don't have much ideas how he feels about me, just that he seemed to be quite comfortable in my presence, considering the circumstances. He still couldn't shut up, tho... But now I'm hoping I could establish a connection with him, get to know him better. I kind of miss him. I surely miss Reddington, too, but that is expected and I feel more confident that things are stable with Reddington, so I can wait him to get back home from their summer cottage.
We suddenly created a plan that I will join Reddington and Sherlock when they travel for a kind of city holiday for a weekend from their summer cottage. I'm really eager to see them both, and I'm really hoping I could spend some time with Sherlock as well.
I also feel guilty for developing a sexual interest towards, and maybe even a crush on, Sherlock. I mentioned this kind of possibility as a risk to Reddington in the beginning, and he felt bad about it, insecure of his own status. So now I'm afraid I'll generate discomfort for Reddington. I'm also afraid I'll generate some suffering for myself, since I have no idea if Sherlock is even poly, or into me in any way. Then again, I cannot will these desires and feelings away, so I try my best to accept that this is happening to me. I try my best to trust we can figure this out, whatever the outcome will be.
I feel like life is developing a practical joke on me. I've never understood triads, how they might work and why to take that kind of risk and make so much effort. And here I am, sparkling new hope about a triad with these two amazing men. Luckily, we are all very experienced in poly... Oh, wait, no, that's just me. Yay. This is their first time. God I'm fucked...