Coming out as poly

I'm curious to know what people's experiences have been with coming out. As of right now, only a few carefully selected friends know that we are poly. We're not out to family yet, although I can see both my parents and R's mother being very open-minded about it. R's mother would just be glad that we're happy, and my parents saw me bring home guys from different religious and racial backgrounds and took it in stride when I not only came out as bi but brought home a trans woman.

How did you come out? What kind of reactions did you get? Would you do it again the same way?
 
I don't hide it, but I've never "come out" as any sort of event. It would usually just come out in conversation. Me: "I went out with my girlfriend last night." Friend/Co-worker: "I thought you are married." Me: " I am. We're poly." That sort if thing.

Reactions have been varied. One friend kept trying to get me to feel jealous. The funny thing was he was a cheater. Most women I met in social settings just thought I was cheating. One friend seemed disappointed because she "thought we were soulmates."

My oldest daughter joked that I was a "player". So I explained what actually was. My mom sort of acted like we were separated. She's not all that open-minded.

Me? I couldn't care less what people think of my love life. I'm not here to please them.
 
I just came out to my first family member and it was confusing. I told her the whole thing about who I liked and her words were "no one with self esteem would want that" and then she told me I have to becareful about my daughter and the things she would say. She will got to school and tell people about all mommys boyfriends about about how they help pay bills or something. I was like What the hell! I was like why are bills coming into this? It was weird cause all growing up she had multiple boyfriends she called them, and still does bitches. I always hated it and still do. I wish she wouldn't compare the two mentalities.
 
I've been poly for about 13 years now, and the only friends I have to come out to are new ones I make (did that once this summer when a mutual friend's relationship style came up naturally in conversation, and it went well).

When it comes to family, I originally came out to my parents over email (I was kind of a chicken back then, this was about ten years ago). And I think it took a while for them to get comfortable with the idea. But these days, I am lucky enough to have their full support. And my sister was always cool with it. And though we've never talked about it directly, I think my brother is, too. I am less sure about my husband's family... but I'm out on Facebook, and he has said he'll handle the conversation if any of them bring it up!
 
I've been wondering this same question.
So far I've come out to a couple friends and any new ones I make.
I can't see ever coming out to family except for my dad. I could see having thanksgiving with him with him knowing that I've brought more than one partner.
I could bring the same more than one partner to thanksgiving at other family members houses but they would make the assumptions that they want to. In the past they assume Soul Sister is my very close best friend, it's easier for them to see that. In the past a good friend just thought I was cheating on my husband.

I am not concerned about what others think, mostly.
I am concerned about people thinking that Dean and I are cheating on one another.
I don't have a job that I might lose if I came out.
I have no intent on having any kind of event. I didn't even entertain this idea.

I assumed people will start putting the pieces together as I live in a progressive town and have aware friends.

I am interested to see how we handle social media. My family will figure it out if I treat my partners the way I have treated Dean in social media.

I am concerned that my family will bring my kids into this. "what are you teaching them?!"
I am concerned that they will overly worry about the health of my marriage.

I came out as bi at a party. My close friends knew already, but I never said the words. The party situation involved an angry man trying to shame me for liking women. In my stubbornness and post pregnancy hormones ( I still looked pregnant) I blurted out "yes I like women! do you have a problem with that?!"
After that any new friends I met knew I was bi, and I came out to individuals if it came up or mattered.
After the Pulse shooting I came out on FB in a post. It wasn't a specifically "I'm Gay" post, but it was certainly time to say it and my family saw it. No one came to me about it. Also I've been married this whole time so they don't assume I'm out dating women. I dunno. Hopefully they just don't care.
 
I've been out for almost as long as I've been open with Guitarist. I just can't stand being closeted. The secrets. The fears someone will find out. I have to live my life authentically, it's very important to me, more important to me than maintaining my straight couple privilege. The only place I would consider myself not fully out is work, but more because I just don't talk relationships here than because I'm hiding anything.

My parents include a lapsed Catholic and an evangelical protestant. They don't approve, but I don't need their approval. They know better than to make snide remarks because I don't let that pass without addressing it head-on. My mom has gotten much more accepting over the years.

Most of my friends think it's weird or cool. None are suprised I'm poly. I do a lot of what I'd call ambassador work, fielding questions and being a "how would I" resource.

I spent a lot more time imagining the horrible things that would happen when I came out than fielding pushback.

Hope that helps!
 
There's a voluminous thread on this subject at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=505

My V has basically come out to one friend and two family members. All three that we came out to took the news well, never gave us a bad time about it. My V companions are still scared of how everyone else might react, so we have not come out to anyone else at this point.
 
I took my partners to my tenth class reunion. :D Most didn't ask; those who did were greeted warmly. I think the valedictorian's wife wanted to join us. ;) (They were living in Paris at the time, which my French-fluent partner found intriguing.)

Months previous, I'd made the situation similarly clear to my family.

Getting my book published kinda cemented it. A few co-workers have run my name through the search engine, & read reviews, so it's kinda out there permanently. Again, anyone who wants to ask questions gets treated well.
 
I took my partners to my tenth class reunion. :D Most didn't ask; those who did were greeted warmly. I think the valedictorian's wife wanted to join us. ;) (They were living in Paris at the time, which my French-fluent partner found intriguing.)

I did something similar, which was fun. The first bit of background is that Knight and I went to high school together, so our whole class knew us as not just *a* couple but *that* couple (we were kind of insufferable back then). And it was a boarding school so we were all pretty tight-knit, more so than many high schools.

For our 15 year reunion we got our quad partners to come out dancing with us at the after-party. The double takes were TRULY entertaining.
 
I did something similar, which was fun. The first bit of background is that Knight and I went to high school together, so our whole class knew us as not just *a* couple but *that* couple (we were kind of insufferable back then). And it was a boarding school so we were all pretty tight-knit, more so than many high schools.

For our 15 year reunion we got our quad partners to come out dancing with us at the after-party. The double takes were TRULY entertaining.


My hero. lol
 
I just "officially" came out to my family this week. They already knew that while my one partner was a housemate I was also seeing someone else.

My second partner and her pets just moved in with us as well, so it felt important to just let the people close to me know that my non-monogamy is more than just me playing the field.

I was confident that my family would be accepting so it wasn't hard to do.

I've rarely ever discussed my relationships at work even when I was a simple cis-hetero mono white male so it just doesn't come up for me. I've soft come out to one of my coworkers who's a friend (using plural partners in conversations) and he's also soft come out to me as gay.

We'll probably become the gossip topic of choice for the old biddies around the neighborhood but I truly don't care what they think. I tend to date women in their 20s and I'm in my mid-40s so I was already a bit of a conversation piece.
 
I've come out to my mom and my sister (and they've told my dad and my brother-in-law), a couple friends, and about 6 colleagues at work.

I am pretty much comfortable talking to anyone about it, but my partners both aren't out to their families yet, so we are still carefu.

This week Ponytail and Glasses and I are all going to a cocktail fundraiser event together. I've told one of the friends who will be going and asked her to spread it around to the other people in our network who will be there so that we aren't getting weird looks or questions.

It will be the first time anyone outside the poly community has met Ponytail as my boyfriend and I am really excited and nervous!
 
I don’t think I’ve really “come out” to anyone since my triad relationship became official. I never identified as poly before, but most of our friends know and are cool with it. I’ve never had anyone react badly toward it anyway. However, my roommate (childhood friend of mine) doesn’t know. Unlike me she hasn't deviated from our religious upbringing and I’m afraid of her not just reacting negatively but also telling her parents who will, in turn, tell my parents, and I know that would go over very badly (especially since her parents don’t like me because they think I’m “straying”).

Someday I would really like to come out to my mom, she’s always been the more openminded of my parents. But I know that the knowledge of my relationship would absolutely break my dad’s heart. My parents may be stubborn and closed-minded about a lot of things, but they’re good people and I love them a lot.

Right now it’s easy, I live halfway across the country and they don’t know any of my friends or coworkers. Barring my roommate, I’m “out” where I live and so far we’ve been welcomed by our friends with lots of love and support. It makes me really happy.
 
While it has been three years since we first started experimenting with non-monogamy, and we have been exposed to the idea of polyamory for even longer, we have only opened to the idea of separate romantic relationships in the last couple of months.

My wife has a couple of friends she shares things with who know what we are doing. I also have an incredibly open minded friend I can talk to about it. And our son, who is a freshman in college, recently asked for our advice on how he should advise his friend, whose girlfriend wanted an open relationship. This sparked a conversation that ended in us also telling his older sister. We somehow managed to raise two really great kids who were probably not too terribly surprised.

Aside from that, I don't intend to ever discuss it with our parents or my siblings. I am hopeful we can move further away from family in a few years and be able to live more authentically.
 
I try to be as open as I can be about being polyamorous. All of my close friends know and have been very accepting, if a friend doesn't know it's simply because we haven't had a conversation in which the topic has come up.

As far as family goes so far only one of my sisters and my mother know, but I'm very close to both of them and they were the first people I told. My sister was very accepting, my mother was ok, basically told me that in her opinion it's a sin but as long as I was happy she would work to get to a place where she was ok with it and assured me that it wouldn't effect our relationship any, and it really hasn't. The rest of my family I would tell if it came up, but I don't talk to them often and they live 4 hours away at least so it's not a case of having to hide anything. I do get a bit nervous about the prospect of telling them as a lot of my extended family can be quite religious, but I won't lie about my partners.

I've never really talked much about my personal life at work so my co-worker (work in a small office with one other person) doesn't know at this point but I'm sure she'll figure it out eventually.

My husband's family does not know we are poly and he prefers they don't. It's not my place to out him so I haven't said anything but I have made it clear that I won't lie if directly asked and I'm not going to hide things or place restrictions on my other partners as far as things like social media and the like goes to keep face.
 
I came out to my family several years ago. They thought it a bit odd, but didnt have any issues with it. I just told them during casual conversation. They werent too surprised, they have learned to expect me to drop bombs like that on them. Like: "hey dad, im taking a couple weeks of leave, would you like to meet my new wife?"

They also know that i dont seek their approval for anything. I knew my wife for three weeks before i married her. Half a year later, introduced my pregnant wife to my family. Im still happily married over 9 years later, so they know that i know how to manage my life.

As for work, i cannot be "out". Its technically against the armys rules...
 
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