seeking to develop my dating life, will want a lot of help

Duat1945

New member
Howdy,I'm writing this post, now that I'm experiencing struggles for a good while to get to know the ladies, I dunno if this has something connected to me, or if perhaps it's simply pretty much bad luck.

I have been going out around two or three times a week, generally to clubs and bars, It's been really hard for me, considering that I'm not really the sort of fella who is known for how sociable or outgoing he is. I felt kind of awkward and so stressed, in fact it is rather hard for me (a whole lot more) to chat in those kinds of enviroment with the girls, even thought, I had done it, I never experienced a great deal of succes, do you folks give me some guidance?
 
You could join a group or club involving something you enjoy. That way if you meet someone there you already have a common interest.
 
I'm not sure anyone is really good at having actual conversations with new people in bars. I agree with the previous poster about finding some hobbies or something where you'll meet people (try meetup.org), or (and a lot of people disagree) I have a decent amount of luck with the online dating thing. But I live in an urban area with lots of geeks like me...
 
Join OK Cupid online. (It's free.) Write a good engaging positive profile. (If you're not good at writing about yourself, have a friend help you, or at least edit the typos and spelling and grammar mistakes.) Take at least 3 pix of yourself, one face (smiling), one full length body shot (smiling), and one out engaged in a social situation (looking like you're having fun). Answer at least 50 of the questions provided, stressing the ones pertaining to dating relationships (if you're polyamorous, make sure you answer the ones about ethical non-monogamy).

Then you will have a basis for a match percentage with women seeking similar things in life. Read their profiles. Message the ones you are drawn to, indicating a thing or 3 in their profiles you resonate with. You can tell them you find them physically attractive, but make sure that is not the only thing you mention.
 
I do tend to think that OKC is a good alternative for folks who have a hard time breaking the ice in person.
 
Try Meetup to find a club or activities in your area. Not necessarily a poly or a dating group, but just people who have similar interests as you, like a biweekly game club, or a healthy living dinner group. Then there is no pressure to date, and you'll gain confidence in talking with strangers. Who knows, maybe you'll meet some prospects, but the important part is to not stress yourself out!

Personally, I have never met a guy in a bar that I went home with, much less started a relationship with, based from a location like that! I meet people in places where I enjoy hanging out. :) If you don't like bars, then why would you want to date someone that does? Sounds like a set up for failure.
 
The #1 problem in my opinion with clubs and bars is that they are often so loud you can't hear yourself think, let alone talk and get to know someone.

And success with "the girls" or "the ladies" is not about throwing out a line and being lucky enough to get a bite and taking home your shiny new catch. It's about actually establishing a connection, attraction, and for heaven's sakes TRUST with a human being that you just met, who has every reason to be apprehensive about the intentions of men in bars.

The only guys who do well in your typical bar or club, have got to be the ones who are just so damn good looking or can dance really well, that they don't even have to talk to be attractive. I'll assume that's not you, OP. But it's ok because it's not MOST PEOPLE either.

I strongly suggest:
1. Go to places that feature an activity you are interested in and good at. This allows you to relax and be confident and comfortable. Even sci fi conventions are full of hot women these days. No excuses. No money? Then how are you going to bars? Also, do you drink much? That's not attractive.

2. Always wear something that someone could comment on or compliment you on. Some little item of interest. If you look completely unremarkable, how does a woman start a conversation with you, if they want to? And how do you start one with a woman? Look for something to comment or compliment on! I've even said, "That shade of blue is great on you. Really lovely with your skin tone." Of course you have to be able to say such things while sounding natural and not like an awkward nervous desperate wreck.

3. Do you know what creepy is? Some men think it means when an unattractive man approaches a woman. That's not true. It's when a woman gives signs and signals that she isn't interested, but the man doesn't take those signs and he persists. It's astonishing to me how hard some people have it when reading those signs. Can you honestly tell me that you've never been in a situation where you'd rather not talk to someone, but they just kept talking? How did you feel? What kind of "leave me alone" vibe did you throw off?

I can only assume, that the men who don't read those nonverbals, are simply being either oblivious and self centered, or else they have no idea how to interact with humans because they live on the internet, or maybe they're just so busy staring at boobs that they can't imagine how to treat a woman like PEOPLE.

I don't personally recommend online dating necessarily. Yeah, I know...it works...for some, and it's kind of how it's done these days. Sure. Fine. And I did it for a little bit, too. But in my opinion, getting into a community and getting to know people and starting a relationship from a position of some acquaintance, trust, and common ground...it's really nice.

OP, you never told us. Were you hoping to just get laid, or to find a relationship? Either is valid....so long as you're being honest about it. If you're just trying to get laid though, online might be better. Some women are, in fact, just wanting the same.
 
This guy started 2 threads on the same topic, then disappeared. I don't wonder why he isn't getting dates. Seems to have trouble conversing.
 
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