I don't know how it's possible to give advice without knowing which sex act we are talking about. [...] If you want serious advice, state some facts.
I disagree. This thread was never about "Hey, was this sex act we performed out of bounds?" It was about breaking trust, and whether reparation was necessary. This whole forum deals with emotions, doubts, "Did he/she/I act responsibly under the circumstances?" issues, AS WELL as who did what to whom and other sexually-based questions.
anita stated
all the facts that were necessary:
a) My partner and I crossed some kind of boundary.
b) I did not know
beforehand the details of that boundary, but now do.
c) I feel guilty.
d) Should I make reparations with my metamour?
In my opinion, these are ALL the facts that are necessary. If you need a blow-by-blow account of what went on in the bedroom in order to give advice on a moral doubt issue, then you haven't grasped the crux of the matter.
To flog a dead horse, this thread is NOT about "Was the sexual act we engaged in OK from a polyamorous point of view?"
And MrFarFromRight isn't helping with his ... unique brand of flirting/joking.
And MrFarFromRight isn't helping with his ... unique brand of flirting/joking.
That's a kind way to describe it.
Right from the beginning, I (apparently unlike you) recognised that this thread was about
anita feeling guilty for something that wasn't her fault. This was aggravated by the fact that her partner - who DID know just where the boundaries were... and crossed them - was (at least for a short time) upset with
anita. The gender of that partner is totally IRRELEVANT. And I repeat: the sexual act involved is totally IRRELEVANT.
The whole idea of
anita needing to feel guilty or make reparations seemed, to me, so ridiculous that I chose to poke
gentle fun at the idea, to help her see just how ridiculous it was.
If that joking had offended
anita, had made her feel that I wasn't taking her feelings and concerns seriously, it was up to her to slap me down. But no, what was her response?
Thanks, I did catch those hints of seriosity, and I appreciate them. I also appreciate the laughs
So - just maybe - I hit the right note after all.
My responsibility on this thread is to help the person with the problem to overcome that problem. As far as I can see, I did so... and in such a way that
anita appreciated.
If my
"unique brand of flirting/joking" bothered anybody else, well, frankly, I see that as their problem.
I've been spending my recent forum time between this thread and others, one of which involved a nasty abuse of power games and denial that so angered me that I called the OP a "bad name"... for which I was sanctioned. Perhaps I needed a bit of light relief from that messy business.
If
nycindie and
Magdlyn can't appreciate my sense of humour, well, OK. I didn't get involved in this thread to help them. In this case, it seems to have got the job done.
In my opinion, and strictly speaking,
nycindie and
Magdlyn have both attacked
anita for not exposing facts that
1) were unnecessary to the issue;
2)
anita obviously felt would have violated the privacy of her partner... and her metamour.
anita has shown exemplary dignity and responsibility in not doing so.
If you just want to joke around and titillate MrFFR, well, I'm out.
You have a perfect right to that.
If I had to be completely po-faced serious at ALL times on this forum, no light relief allowed,
I'd be out. as Emma Goldman said: "If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution".