Issues between husband and meta

I'm seeking advice for some issues between my husband and his gf.

She is on a rampage with him...again...for the 3rd time within a few months. Basically arguing about petty things until the point of almost calling it quits. Usually, she talks him into coming to her house and they talk things out, to a certain extent. Things are somewhat fine for a few weeks but then she rampages again.

Honestly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of her always pointing the finger at him. Treating him like crap. Verbally abusing him. Putting our financial state in a bind bc she won't pay a certain bill that she is responsible for. But I feel it isn't my place to tell him that she needs to be cut off. Because it's his relationship not mine. I won't be responsible for his relationship ending but at the same time he keeps taking her back and he's miserable 80% of the time.

What should I do?
 
You tell your husband that you do not want to hear about his relationship period. That you do not want to be his sounding board.

You also bluntly say that financial issues that he gets involved in with here will not effect your life with him. If he is paying things for her that he cannot afford like dates that needs to stop. Household bills come first. If she is responsible for a bill. THAT IS HER PROBLEM not his.

Insulate YOUR life against the drama. She is his problem not yours. If he wants to date a drama dragon then that is his problem but you shouldn't have to get drug into it.

If your husband is involving you in his issues with her by venting to you, effecting your life, and etc then HE is being a sloppy hinge and HE is the problem and it needs to stop. I never ever bring the issues with either of my husbands to the other. It isn't their problem to fix or be involved in.
 
I would probably have a heart to heart with him, with something along the lines of "hey babe, I've noticed it's been rocky for you guys for a while. I've noticed X, and Y, and that she seems to be having a hard time. I don't feel like she's treating you very well right now. What do you think is happening? How do you feel about it?" Etc etc...

I might let him know how it is effecting you. If you find it hard to listen to arguing, be in tense atmosphere, if you are noticing him being distracted or preoccupied by their dissension, then let him know. Remind him that you are there for him but that you need presence, love, and for what is happening with her to not bleed into his time with you.

If you lovingly check in to see if he needs support, and he says everything is fine (or any other statement that essentially indicates it is not your business) then perhaps it is time to set a firm boundary that he not vent to you about the issues, or show up to your shared time with hard energy.

I hope this gets better. For you, for him, and for her.
 
You tell your husband that you do not want to hear about his relationship period. That you do not want to be his sounding board.

You also bluntly say that financial issues that he gets involved in with here will not effect your life with him. If he is paying things for her that he cannot afford like dates that needs to stop. Household bills come first. If she is responsible for a bill. THAT IS HER PROBLEM not his.

Insulate YOUR life against the drama. She is his problem not yours. If he wants to date a drama dragon then that is his problem but you shouldn't have to get drug into it.

If your husband is involving you in his issues with her by venting to you, effecting your life, and etc then HE is being a sloppy hinge and HE is the problem and it needs to stop. I never ever bring the issues with either of my husbands to the other. It isn't their problem to fix or be involved in.


I appreciate your reply but honestly, telling him I don't want to hear about his issues with her would breach my communication needs. I really don't mind listeningto their problems, it's the fact that I don't know how to help or what to say.

For the money issue, without giving out our entire financial status, she helps with a bill. Asked for special features for her sake, then doesn't have the money to pay every month. We are on a limited income and her lack of responsibility hurts us. This is my husband's issue, I talk to him about it but it doesn't help, in one ear and out the other. He really needs to get a backbone and step up.
 
I would probably have a heart to heart with him, with something along the lines of "hey babe, I've noticed it's been rocky for you guys for a while. I've noticed X, and Y, and that she seems to be having a hard time. I don't feel like she's treating you very well right now. What do you think is happening? How do you feel about it?" Etc etc...

I might let him know how it is effecting you. If you find it hard to listen to arguing, be in tense atmosphere, if you are noticing him being distracted or preoccupied by their dissension, then let him know. Remind him that you are there for him but that you need presence, love, and for what is happening with her to not bleed into his time with you.

If you lovingly check in to see if he needs support, and he says everything is fine (or any other statement that essentially indicates it is not your business) then perhaps it is time to set a firm boundary that he not vent to you about the issues, or show up to your shared time with hard energy.

I hope this gets better. For you, for him, and for her.

Thank you!
 
If she asked for special features on a bill that cost more money but then she isn't contributing in a timely manner, time to cancel those special features. But since you're already in the financial mess, for your own sake, you probably need to re-evaluate your finances to see what you can do to make it work so that you can pay the bill even without her help. Then when she does pay, great, but if she doesn't, it won't screw up your credit to be late on a bill.

If you have communication needs then maybe you just need to let him know that while you want to know what's going on in his life, the drama is overwhelming so there may be times when you'll need to stop him and say "I've heard enough, I'd rather not hear the rest of this." and move on to talk about other things.

You should also definitely tell him that how he's handling his other relationship is impacting your relationship with him and making you unhappy.
 
I would absolutely stop paying that bill. This month, lay it out - "you've been late/a no pay X number of times previously, and it has happened again this month. If we do not receive payment on this date next month, we will have to cancel it. This has nothing to do with you personally, it's just a financial decision." Then follow through and cancel it. If you've allowed someone to pay late with no real consequences, then you can't be upset when they continue to do so.
 
Hi Daddysboogerbaby,

I basically think you shouldn't do anything; this is your husband's problem to deal with. If you want to hear what he has to say about his girlfriend, you could be sympathetic and say, "That sounds pretty rough. I'm sorry you're going through that. What will you do?" That sort of thing.

Is the bill she's not paying something essential, like water or electric? If not, maybe it's something you could just cancel and do without. If it is, maybe you could pay less for something that isn't necessary? What I'm driving at is, look for a way to become independent of her, since you can't rely on her.

Sorry she's acting like that. I suppose you could go over to her house and tell her to cut it out, but I have a feeling that would just add fuel to the fire. If your husband asks for your advice, you could certainly advise him to break up with her.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
If she asked for special features on a bill that cost more money but then she isn't contributing in a timely manner, time to cancel those special features. But since you're already in the financial mess, for your own sake, you probably need to re-evaluate your finances to see what you can do to make it work so that you can pay the bill even without her help. Then when she does pay, great, but if she doesn't, it won't screw up your credit to be late on a bill.

If you have communication needs then maybe you just need to let him know that while you want to know what's going on in his life, the drama is overwhelming so there may be times when you'll need to stop him and say "I've heard enough, I'd rather not hear the rest of this." and move on to talk about other things.

You should also definitely tell him that how he's handling his other relationship is impacting your relationship with him and making you unhappy.

Thanks for your reply. I'm seriously considering cutting back on the features so we can definitely afford it without her help.
 
I would absolutely stop paying that bill. This month, lay it out - "you've been late/a no pay X number of times previously, and it has happened again this month. If we do not receive payment on this date next month, we will have to cancel it. This has nothing to do with you personally, it's just a financial decision." Then follow through and cancel it. If you've allowed someone to pay late with no real consequences, then you can't be upset when they continue to do so.

It isn't a bill we can just stop paying since we are all involved in it but special features will be getting cut. I agree 100% one the "once you let it slide one time they'll expect it every time "
 
Hi Daddysboogerbaby,

I basically think you shouldn't do anything; this is your husband's problem to deal with. If you want to hear what he has to say about his girlfriend, you could be sympathetic and say, "That sounds pretty rough. I'm sorry you're going through that. What will you do?" That sort of thing.

Is the bill she's not paying something essential, like water or electric? If not, maybe it's something you could just cancel and do without. If it is, maybe you could pay less for something that isn't necessary? What I'm driving at is, look for a way to become independent of her, since you can't rely on her.

Sorry she's acting like that. I suppose you could go over to her house and tell her to cut it out, but I have a feeling that would just add fuel to the fire. If your husband asks for your advice, you could certainly advise him to break up with her.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

It's a cellphone contract that she is involved in. And yeah, talking to her myself would cause her to just explode on my husband more :(
 
She's paying your cell phone bill?

I get that extra features cost more and you can't afford it the months she doesn't pay. But...most months she's paying your cell phone bill?
 
She's paying your cell phone bill?

I get that extra features cost more and you can't afford it the months she doesn't pay. But...most months she's paying your cell phone bill?

It must be some kind of friends and family plan. I'd cut her off the bill and just bring it back to you and him.
 
She's paying your cell phone bill?

I get that extra features cost more and you can't afford it the months she doesn't pay. But...most months she's paying your cell phone bill?

Me my husbandmy bf and her are all on the same contract. We all pay a certain amount but since she wanted 8g of data she pays more for her percentage than we do. We only have 2g each. So naturally she pays more for her part. It's in my husbands name.
 
It must be some kind of friends and family plan. I'd cut her off the bill and just bring it back to you and him.

Cutting her off the plan will cost a termination fee that costs more than the entire bill. Something we can't afford atm and she definitely would not pay out.
 
Me my husbandmy bf and her are all on the same contract. We all pay a certain amount but since she wanted 8g of data she pays more for her percentage than we do. We only have 2g each. So naturally she pays more for her part. It's in my husbands name.

Okay, so she's paying her share of the bill, not the whole bill?

Can you cancel the extra features without a financial consequence?
 
Okay, so she's paying her share of the bill, not the whole bill?

Can you cancel the extra features without a financial consequence?

I talked to my husband about it tonight. If she doesn't pay something soon that's what we will do. Reduce the extra unnecessary features to an amount we can afford if she won't pay up.
 
Will you get slugged for 6GB of out-of-plan data if you reduce her extra allotment but she doesn't change her data usage habits?
 
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