New to poly and in DESPERATE need of outside perspective

...he made a point of mentioning she's there 4-6 times a week. That info came up in response to a story about how his neighbor complained to management that they were too loud. I don't want to hear that. Not that I have feelings of jealously but rather, I make a HUGE point to perceive other people's emotional needs and I would never go out of my way to put that in someone's face. I found it dreadfully immature (probably his only moment of that) due to its disrespectful nature ...

there is a generation gap (social conditioning) here too which may be at play. For example, if your partner needs sex on the side, I come from a generation that says, respect me enough to keep it on the downlow .. I don't need the neighbors judging me (that's hurtful to put someone in that position just for the sake of sexual release).


You said that your bf told you that he and his OSO were reported to his landlord for being too loud. Do you mean, making loud sex noises, or just talking and laughing too loudly, playing loud music, all maybe after 10 PM when people are trying to sleep?

If the former, is that where you get to feeling like you will get social disapproval because other people have heard him having sex with someone that isn't you?

Or am I totally confused?

Be that as it may, it sounds like this guy is playing the field as a 25 year old often does. I don't know if he's polyamorous or just sowing his wild oats.

I get the idea from your posts, he doesn't want to see you as often as you'd like, and he doesn't text or call as often as you'd like, and he never pursues you, but only goes along with plans you make when it is convenient for him. So maybe you feel like an afterthought. Maybe he's "not that into you." Or maybe he's got fresher NRE with the other woman, so wants to see her more often. Or maybe he wants to flit from person to person right now (if he's constantly on dating or hookup sites) and that is too shallow for your comfort or satisfaction, since you really really like him and want more of his time.
 
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Actually, I've given it lots of thought and while I realize the age isn't a big deal, it's the issue here. He's at a different stage in life and doing what is typical of a 25 year old. I'm not upset but I did have to shake things up to get him to communicate more clearly. He knows that's a must for me to continue seeing him.

Also, I put up a profile for dating. I think I like him more than he likes me and it's not healthy for me to continue as is. If I'm dating others, you never know. I might find another amazing connection. I plan on telling him when I see him next and depending on how he is, I would like to be closer in communication with him but sometimes, people just can't handle direct heavy adult conversations and if that's the case, it's okay.

I'm okay now and I really appreciate all the thoughtful responses!!! <3

On my profile I stated I was practicing solo poly and that I'm seeing one person as a secondary. If things fizzle out with him, in that, if it's clear he's doing the royal oats thing I'll just drop him and date others. Problem solved. ;)

Really thank you so much for all the support. I really needed that and I'm so grateful I found this forum. <3
 
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