mostlymonogamish
Member
My issue is this: we have agreed to take a month of separation, during which our relationship is done. We are not together. I need to unvelcro the connection, and spend time focusing on my own creative work. It's difficult, transitioning out of daily loving communication. We are not spending time together during this period. There are no assurances of future reconciliation.
He is finally bringing this up with his counselor, reading literature on the subject. He has expressed guilt, shame, remorse, a desire not to lose me, to retain our connection. I don't doubt those emotions. I do doubt that he will have the capacity to make any lasting change without months or years of honest therapy. He has stated that he wants to understand why he makes the choices he makes, why he self-sabotages. He wants to be a good partner, doesn't want to further abuse my trust.
I am very concerned that my natural desire for connection and love will lead me to empathize too strongly with his struggle. I fear that my pain will be secondary to his new self-examination. And I fear that he will do all the work and regain my trust, only to rinse and repeat. I have expressed this to him, and he claims to understand my fears.
He is finally bringing this up with his counselor, reading literature on the subject. He has expressed guilt, shame, remorse, a desire not to lose me, to retain our connection. I don't doubt those emotions. I do doubt that he will have the capacity to make any lasting change without months or years of honest therapy. He has stated that he wants to understand why he makes the choices he makes, why he self-sabotages. He wants to be a good partner, doesn't want to further abuse my trust.
I am very concerned that my natural desire for connection and love will lead me to empathize too strongly with his struggle. I fear that my pain will be secondary to his new self-examination. And I fear that he will do all the work and regain my trust, only to rinse and repeat. I have expressed this to him, and he claims to understand my fears.