Newb in Calgary

NotsoTypical

New member
Hello,

Just thought I would drop in and introduce myself.

I am the male in a hotwife transitioning to one sided poly marriage.

My question is:
Are there other's like us and is there any advice surrounding our particular setup?
if so, did you have any difficulty in both continuing the voyeur kink from hotwifing and allowing your SO the space and freedom to develop a deeper connection with her interest?

thank you in advance,
 
I can relate

I'm in what you could call a one-sided poly relationship. My Filipina wife, Maricel, developed a special friendship with another guy; and to make a long story short, my wife's boyfriend, Adam, moved in with us about 10 months ago, and things are going great. Sometimes, she sleeps alone with either me or Adam, and other times we are all together in our king size bed. Although Maricel has sex with Adam more frequently than with me (they are both much younger than me), I have never felt neglected or that my needs weren't met. I must admit that knowing that my wife is filled with Adam's semen is extremely arousing to me and, as a result, my sex life with Maricel has been enhanced since Adam came into her life.

I would add that Adam and I have also gotten quite close, though not in a sexual way.
 
My husband is currently mono by choice, from my end my NRE with my other partner spills over to my husband because I’m just so happy and his interest in sex has increased. We’ve had mismatched drive all along, I’m younger than him with a high sex drive. I know he’s turned on by the whole thing. It certainly doesn’t make me want to be with him sexually less and I would love to practice our kinks again with him if he was into it.
 
Greetings NotsoTypical,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

We have some cuck/hotwife members here but I have to say, not very many, and even fewer active members. Right now there's skadhi and radicaldude, and RjaCma and Nonentity from the other thread. A quick search turns up a few older threads, for example Cuckold Relationships, and "HotWife" paradigm / Avoiding the Cuckold dynamic. You can use the advanced search page to look for more threads, and for members with "cuck" or "hotwife" in their username.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Funny that you included my name in that Kevin because as I've been processing my new experiences this week I only just realized that's what it was called.

I've always found the idea of dh sleeping with someone else exciting especially if I could watch but even if I couldn't, but he's never wanted to. He seems to be considering it, especially after I shared with him my recent hook up. SO has lots of experience with this. Ironically, he never really used the term hotwife before. Although he sent me some cuckold videos awhile back, but it didn't fully register with me.

I wish I'd had a term for it before. I think this all started between SO and I because earlier this year I told him after one of his dates with someone else, that it really turned me on that he was with this person. And he seemed to like that it did. But we didn't really talk about it a lot. I didn't want to make his decisions and experiences about me. And I wanted to respect his privacy and not pry. We both have a general respect for the privacy of our other partners.

So later when SO first suggested to me that I get my needs met by hooking up since we're LDR, I initially felt confused like he could be trying to pawn me off. But I knew that wasn't actually the case. I didn't make the connection that it might turn him on, and I know he never wants me to feel pressured to do something I'm not ready for.

And I wasn't ready then, because I was very focused on my person specific needs not being met. But as I've processed it, I've realized that I like the hotwife aspect, even though it isn't a substitute for my PSN.

I hope I didn't just make this thread about me. Sorry, maybe I should have posted this in my other thread in the relationship forum.
 
No worries, as long as it's not a major hijack, there's not a problem. I think a lot of what you're talking about is called compersion, it's like when your partner/boyfriend has a romantic get-together with someone else, and you get good feelings from that. Sort of like the opposite of jealousy.
 
I'm sure compersion is part of it. But I'm not sure it includes the sexual excitement that I get. I should say that when I used the word date above, it was actually a kink fulfillment encounter and not a romantic date. He hasn't been dating anyone else romantically.
 
To the OP, the transition from hotwife to one-sided poly, do you think it is basically a realization of who you are instead of a change in behavior or practice? I ask because I discovered polyamory (mostly on this site) after experience in what I only knew as HW. It sounds like what you do hasn't changed but how you view it, understand it and enjoy it has. Does that make sense? Your description of yourself rang very familiar with me. I would love to hear about your transition should you ever decide to share it.
 
Hello,

Just thought I would drop in and introduce myself.

I am the male in a hotwife transitioning to one sided poly marriage.

My question is:
Are there other's like us and is there any advice surrounding our particular setup?
if so, did you have any difficulty in both continuing the voyeur kink from hotwifing and allowing your SO the space and freedom to develop a deeper connection with her interest?

thank you in advance,

Yes, there are others like you/us. I haven't had any difficulty with it as far as giving her space and freedom. Love is the only way I know to explain it. We stay well-connected so I feel like I'm on a ride with her. We are a traditional, basically conservative mature couple but we have recently discovered that there is no need to mask feelings of love, especially for another person. I find that as her life is richer, so is mine. That makes it easy.
 
I'm in what you could call a one-sided poly relationship. My Filipina wife, Maricel, developed a special friendship with another guy.

Why is her citizenship or country of birth relevant to this discussion ?? Would you say my Scotish wife or my Canadian wife??
 
My relationship obviously isn't one sided, BUT my Knight does have a bit of a hotwife ... fetish, I suppose you could call it, and it's always disappointed him that if I have more romantic partners, rather than just sexual, I also become more private about my sex life with those partners. I've balanced this in a few ways:

1. I very clearly establish with new partners what they are and aren't comfortable with me sharing - luckily I have had partners who really don't care what I tell Knight, so I don't have to worry about breaking confidences by sharing.

2. With FWB-type partners (like MartialArtist, for those following my blog), I will generally tell Knight later about what happened between us or in a few cases immediately have sex with him after an encounter with those FWBs - in those cases it doesn't feel like I'm destroying intimacy, because that emotional intimacy doesn't exist.

3. I will very rarely tell Knight more specific details about something I did with Artist, if it was unusually hot in some way and remembering the particular details of that encounter feels more sexual than romantic. (Let's face it, sometimes sex is one and sometimes sex is the other.)

4. Occasionally, if circumstances align, threesomes are an awesome thing. :D
 
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