It's a messy past with their dad (divorced for a number of years now) and there is still some tension and my oldest (14) tells me their dad still bad mouths me from time to time. I have always been so careful to not say anything bad about him in front of the kids.
But, now I find myself poly and in two poly relationships. In the somewhat near future I would love for my kids to meet the two men I am dating. I know I can just introduce them as 'friends' but my oldest asks a lot of questions and is particularly concerned about me dating. And I don't have any male friends. If he asks questions about my relationship to these men and I've introduced them as 'friends', do I lie to him? Like if he asks straight out, "Are you dating S?" He will certainly take any ambivalent or deviant answer as a yes.
I also want them to grow up open to the idea of alternative relationship possibilities. So I want to be able to model this. I do want these men in their lives, too, since I feel they (the men, and their families) would really enrich their lives. I would love to be able to have them all and their families (primary partners and small kids) for our big holiday dinner in December, for example.
The perhaps most difficult part is that my kids' dad will most certainly ask them questions if he gets an idea that I'm dating someone. He grills them for information. If he finds out that I'm poly, that could really upset him and he might challenge my parenting saying he doesn't want the kids to be around that. We have very different ways of seeing life and the world! Lately, thankfully, tensions have eased a fair amount but I still don't trust him and I know he is very simple and rigid when it comes to anything alternative. So I fear the likelihood of him bashing both me and polyamory to the kids.
Must I just keep it all to myself for the sake of the kids? That feels so utterly depressing and against some of the best aspects of polyamory (having more loving people around the kids, enjoying a big network of loved ones, thinking and living positively beyond norms).
But, now I find myself poly and in two poly relationships. In the somewhat near future I would love for my kids to meet the two men I am dating. I know I can just introduce them as 'friends' but my oldest asks a lot of questions and is particularly concerned about me dating. And I don't have any male friends. If he asks questions about my relationship to these men and I've introduced them as 'friends', do I lie to him? Like if he asks straight out, "Are you dating S?" He will certainly take any ambivalent or deviant answer as a yes.
I also want them to grow up open to the idea of alternative relationship possibilities. So I want to be able to model this. I do want these men in their lives, too, since I feel they (the men, and their families) would really enrich their lives. I would love to be able to have them all and their families (primary partners and small kids) for our big holiday dinner in December, for example.
The perhaps most difficult part is that my kids' dad will most certainly ask them questions if he gets an idea that I'm dating someone. He grills them for information. If he finds out that I'm poly, that could really upset him and he might challenge my parenting saying he doesn't want the kids to be around that. We have very different ways of seeing life and the world! Lately, thankfully, tensions have eased a fair amount but I still don't trust him and I know he is very simple and rigid when it comes to anything alternative. So I fear the likelihood of him bashing both me and polyamory to the kids.
Must I just keep it all to myself for the sake of the kids? That feels so utterly depressing and against some of the best aspects of polyamory (having more loving people around the kids, enjoying a big network of loved ones, thinking and living positively beyond norms).