HeidiNew2This
New member
I posted yesterday as well, about anxiety with starting an open relationship. Today I have even more questions. I am the one who asked for this, because my guilt from kissing guys, and girls. So now I question my motivation for doing this. I have a history of sexual abuse. I have had major guilt and actually hate about my sexuality my whole life, but when I have it, something wakes up and I feel little control over myself. I think this relationship might actually help me to embrace my sexuality as well as help me to explore and maybe control it better. I love the feeling of finding out what someone new kisses like, and if it's good maybe eventually more.
A fear though, is developing a greater hate for it, and in turn myself. I was permiscuous for one year when I wad 19, and went into deep depression. That was before years of couseling, but my sexuality has always been tied to a bitter hatered of myself, mixed with an unexplainable desperate need.
I used to be incredibly against an open marriaget, because it would mean I would lose him eventually. He had an "almost" indiscretion and worked harder than I've ever seen anyone to make it right with us for over a year. I know now he's here to stay, and even more so I am all in. My husband loves loves loves my sexuality and can never get enough. When I even think about the opportunity to just make out with another guy I have a flood of sexual awakening accompanied with disgust with myself... so I just need to understand if this is right.
Your stories and advice would be so helpful. I'm scared and excited and would love to know what your motivations are as well.
Thanks for listening yall!
A fear though, is developing a greater hate for it, and in turn myself. I was permiscuous for one year when I wad 19, and went into deep depression. That was before years of couseling, but my sexuality has always been tied to a bitter hatered of myself, mixed with an unexplainable desperate need.
I used to be incredibly against an open marriaget, because it would mean I would lose him eventually. He had an "almost" indiscretion and worked harder than I've ever seen anyone to make it right with us for over a year. I know now he's here to stay, and even more so I am all in. My husband loves loves loves my sexuality and can never get enough. When I even think about the opportunity to just make out with another guy I have a flood of sexual awakening accompanied with disgust with myself... so I just need to understand if this is right.
Your stories and advice would be so helpful. I'm scared and excited and would love to know what your motivations are as well.
Thanks for listening yall!