I lived in a triad for six years. Together as a triad for seven. And we were a V shaped relationship for two years before that.
While I'm seeing a people talking about "true triads" (I guess meaning everyone is romantic and sexually connected? and if you aren't then somehow its not a valid full triad?) my triad wasn't all sexually connected. We were romantically connected and planned our lives together. We shared resources and took care of each other... sorry that was my own rant... fuck right off with the idea of a "true full triad"...
Anyway, it was super complicated. It was a lot of work. And it eventually ended not because of being open or a triad but because of other deep long standing issues. Personally I find that I'm very attracted to that relationship shape. From before knowing poly was a thing I was in a couple of triad type relationships.
And even really liking the dynamic I would never seek out a triad because of bad experiences being a unicorn in my early poly days. It felt so bad to be in that dynamic when it isn't the right fit. I ended up pretending to like one partner more then I did so I wouldn't lose the other. I -hated- the way it made me feel. And I came out of that triad never ever wanting to make someone else feel like they needed to be with me in order to be with my partner. I think actively trying to form a triad often ends up with someone feeling that way. Because that kind of connection between three people is rare and often takes time to build... dating to try and become a triad? That is forcing that dynamic before people even figure out if the have an actual working connection in all the dyads.
It's a very tricky dynamic to pursue. It's a dynamic I love and one that I'm naturally drawn too AND it was still very complicated to be in. Galagirl is right. It's so many different relationships and if one of the dynamics is off it really causes a lot of strain.
While I'm seeing a people talking about "true triads" (I guess meaning everyone is romantic and sexually connected? and if you aren't then somehow its not a valid full triad?) my triad wasn't all sexually connected. We were romantically connected and planned our lives together. We shared resources and took care of each other... sorry that was my own rant... fuck right off with the idea of a "true full triad"...
Anyway, it was super complicated. It was a lot of work. And it eventually ended not because of being open or a triad but because of other deep long standing issues. Personally I find that I'm very attracted to that relationship shape. From before knowing poly was a thing I was in a couple of triad type relationships.
And even really liking the dynamic I would never seek out a triad because of bad experiences being a unicorn in my early poly days. It felt so bad to be in that dynamic when it isn't the right fit. I ended up pretending to like one partner more then I did so I wouldn't lose the other. I -hated- the way it made me feel. And I came out of that triad never ever wanting to make someone else feel like they needed to be with me in order to be with my partner. I think actively trying to form a triad often ends up with someone feeling that way. Because that kind of connection between three people is rare and often takes time to build... dating to try and become a triad? That is forcing that dynamic before people even figure out if the have an actual working connection in all the dyads.
It's a very tricky dynamic to pursue. It's a dynamic I love and one that I'm naturally drawn too AND it was still very complicated to be in. Galagirl is right. It's so many different relationships and if one of the dynamics is off it really causes a lot of strain.