Matters of confidentiality and needing sounding board...

Aery

Probie
I'd like to have ability to vent about some home stuff, but I don't, and someways not about just Polyamory, though stuff that gets in the way of creating consensual non-monogamous relationships out there and at home with long-term partner/adult kid, etc. Yet I tend not to get talkative if/where as it involves others... I've burned myself before breaching confidential stuff... I don't even like it happening to myself, what with trust issues, other's creating unhealthy, "unholy alliances" over such considerations), and writing can't anyway always pull in the whole context. Just so, and because I seem to live in a geographical hinterland from other Poly/poly-aware/friendly folk, I am often at a loss where to turn. I also know advice-giving can get pretty cut and dry comes to should and shouldn't dos.... and so one needs boundaries on that score too.

Heck, I've had a wrongly phrased/grammatic/misspelled line become the whole issue comes to special interest boards too... **Throws up hands and beseeches the gods of bamboozlery**
 
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Hi Aery,

My first question is, how much and how well do you communicate with your partner? Often communication is the first sign of how we're doing in polyamory (or even monogamy). I understand that it is hard for you to vent about stuff, but still I invite you to give it the ol' college try. I just don't want you to feel that this forum is an obstacle. I'm interested in any of your posts. Let us know!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Good question! Not always great... given all considered differences in self-expression and time/work constraints). Differences, but we do, as we already has determined to stay together through difficulties with emotional give and take a priority, as opportunities occur, and we're just best buddies (@30 years and 2 grown kids). So deal with our separate deals going down... but solitude works it's way in (past lonely... sometimes for better.) Then there's demands, constraints and we're saving up for a move/new house so extra shifts... We got one grown daughter (and her guy) still at home carries a bearing cost too.

I don't get out much, and we don't get out much together because of work, housework, needing recuperation from 12 hr shifts, etc... I go and listen to music on my own mostly... I don't enter much thoughts of hooking up nowaday till, for the love of Pete, till can get actually not do so out of desperation/loneliness... Channel frustrations into various things; music, gardening, social silliness on FB, movies, my Graphic Arts... She knows... I know... Stuff takes precedence as you approach goals that will open your life.

Went beyond question, I guess... I know this forum gears itself on supporting Poly... I'm that...we are... and dedicated arms open-wide... we cherish...
 
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I just kept this to fireplace chat, as it's just ruminating, not a critical problem, but considerations... I don't think I feel forum is an obstacle, per se, as much as want to express my reserve comes to speaking about others and the sword's many-sidedness of everything/anything. Good man, Kevin! I'm actually a rather happy boy, all in all, what with that whole butterfly/storm (what kind of control does one have, anyway?)... Has anybody else felt these things about confiding publically? Life get's all kinds of ways. I've stumbled/fell, things get hard sometimes. I would expand more on details, and have, though not always helpful... I guess I need authentic friends. But I got to that once on this forum 'cause I used to take on admin duty and had friends here that knew me and yet probably sounded desparate looking for hooking up... I got reprimanded and balked a few years...
 
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Hi Aery,

Sounds like you are in a place of some loneliness, not that you would not communicate with your partner, more that you would consider it in and of yourself. I don't have a suggestion so much as a thought, find out if polyamory is something your partner has thought about, if not suggest it as a general concept, not so much a specific proposition. Later on you may bring it up again if she has an adaptation to the idea.

Just some thoughts.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
She wants it as a potential for herself and me/us... I will remind, but depends on who's sort of up to speed, and time to create that... Hell, sometimes it's just a sexual/affectionate fantasy thing... We dealt with problematics before by the severals... She doesn't get on computer much to say herself... Really that's @ being so busy. I just happen to have been more loquacious, outward for a more intrverted type... and ran several groups (not just Poly... I managed World sites in Analytical Psych, Jung/Archetypal) and so it's too much catching up on dealing with 'tudes to start up for her right now... She's a Labor/Delivery RN with many 12 hour shifts. I'm semi retired in a lot of fields; Psych, Graphic Arts, Landscaping, Home buiding/maintenance, Comic book games store manager/Convention world... etc... #5 years in Psychological practice in field (acute care hospitals) and private... I was also a labor coach Childbirth educator for young women w/o partners for a good while.


Jerome
 
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Lonely?... sometimes yes... Existentially too! Got the Summertime... wanna go camping blues! She's always into that little reach-around niche! ;~> Made our experiments/mistakes... Came nightfall, we kept our desires even through some really rough times... often because of other's mentalities... and so got not a little touchy about the "who."
 
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Just sayin'... Not a problem to solve so much as talking about publically what's not necessarily perhaps personally "confidable"... Reservedness can be healthy, neh?
 
Just sayin', fireside chit-chat... Already happy I reconnected here... Local groups are a bit not always up-to-speed... Geared, it seems, to posting meeting dates... Now I can be totally being unfair about that, but also informs my consideration about talking-story...Much meta! I'm still trouble for "flaming" somebody here back when... I get pissed... sorry. Fookin' nimskulls, and looked at my own, stupid god-complex underlying...
 
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Some of us, well we... already are well along the curve, have no issue with expressing how were/already are Poly. We still ain't gonna fit the mold, but maybe moreso, maybe not... May even not find another partner(s), but not dead yet... there you go. Not always a 'Sweetheart Like You.' and that's a compliment... and you deserve a good first take is what I mean...
 
I think it's a question of confidentiality versus publicality ... what one might share openly, another might use discretion. Give it a transversion? Somewhat a matter of background and differing opinions on poly versus not poly. You may be the more loquacious type, yet she may have something to say about poly. Encourage the open dialog, everyone has the closed versus open ideation and will seek that which they know not all curves will fit the linear function. You already have a good idea of whether you are poly, now you just have to take it out into the world, without something to close the book or give it a dry eye. Is this her thing, yours, or a combination of the two? I believe the answers are already in your posts, but I see things as only I can see them. Hopefully that makes sense.
 
It gets even worse...if you look closely... But that was day of Imaginary's tutelage... Will it play out again? I seen changes...
 
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There does seem to be some changes ... I only remember back to a certain point, there was a time when everything was in the hands of a few ... now not so much ... things can change rapidly in an unfortunate sense ... I've decided to be more careful without knowing how. This informs a time where it played out the first time, later a dialectic between two poles.
 
We have to keep on... I guess you right, You can talk to her... Discussed... a little/// You want to ask herself... I provide. But still, I don't say I have particular right to talk for her... Grain of salt!

Right now I'm pret aware I shouldn't speak for anybody... But need conversation...I'm too this/that for some...
 
in most polyamorous relationships it comes up at least occasionally and people simply learn to deal with it. But everybody sees right through! and I still don't want to approach like I have permission...
 
Give it permission ... She may have her own way of saying things ... Talk to her ... Every chance is a mote in someone's eye ... Pluck out the beam. As for me, I do not know what I would tell her. Perhaps I could lay it on the line, and find out whether she has a grain of poly to spare. Something to forget about.
 
I notices... I really don't carry much, but appreciate the touch/feel you play part in... Told ya so...
 
Give it permission ... She may have her own way of saying things ... Talk to her ... Every chance is a mote in someone's eye ... Pluck out the beam. As for me, I do not know what I would tell her. Perhaps I could lay it on the line, and find out whether she has a grain of poly to spare. Something to forget about.

I'm not sure whereabouts you are...
She just said... Oh!... I'm the relay... We aren't young folk, eh? But I'd rather not be middleman, any case... Then, you sense you got her whatever... nobody jumps to be my... not asking advocate....my wacky world...Ok... Poly dating!

You tell everybody this sites' not?!

I'm sure you get to bottom of my issues! But more to point, I know people right away... even across medium... and let's let out how horrible I am!
 
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;)

All other tidbits aside, I hope I can help. It could be a relationship problem, maybe it's a forum problem, could be a combination of the two. Either way, I think there's something to be said about it.

Don't mind my craziness, I just let out some steam ... Every idea is a point to consider ... Let her know what you're thinking, I think is the key to the rest of this.
 
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