Smelling the flowers

What you're posting of your texts with Golden, I would strongly suggest you go put 'ten warning signs of word salad' into a search engine, and start reading.

The blue bonnets are beautiful! Glad you had a good trip!

Thanks for the tip. It was an interesting read. Whether he's doing it intentionally or not, it certainly seems that Golden is using these strategies.

He sent me a text on Tuesday and I sidestepped getting into another tangle with him.

Golden:
I did a lot of reflection over spring break and want to give you an apology that relates to our old relationship.

I promise not to share unless you are comfortable. What are your thoughts?

Petunia:
I'm very hesitant to say yes, because we tend to go down a bad path whenever we start a dialog.

Golden:
Ok, I understand.
 
Life has been pretty quiet here as far as my relationships go. I'm not really sure I can use the plural form, as it feels like I'm really only in a romantic relationship with Bond. I have gone out on one date with a guy that lives 2 hours away and we're going to see each other again this Saturday. And then there is B. Bond and I don't really see eye to eye on what it is we have with her. As far as I'm concerned we never really started a romantic relationship, because of the problems in her marriage, but Bond sees it differently. He says that we are in a relationship with her. We see her at least once a week, usually twice and that we are in communication with her on and off every day. I see it as an extension of our friendship, that we'd have more intimacy if we were actually "seeing" her. He feels that she tells us (and Ginge) everything, so that equals intimacy, whereas he really only shares the depth of what he's thinking and feeling with one, and that's me. She's said a number of things that make me think that she's wanting to expand what we have going on, but usually those statements are when she's missing us, like when she was in Colorado or we were in Texas, or when she's drunk and/or high.

Golden has left me alone for the most part. He's getting into Tinder big time, so that occupies his mind and time. I'm glad for the respite.

Spring has finally arrived in south central Wisconsin. The weekend weather was splendid.

Saturday was my grandson's 10th birthday party. Wow, that's gone by quickly. He picked where he wanted his party (small state park) and we had 90 minutes of driving to reach it. After eating and presents we went hiking. It was pretty fun and easy hiking in the park, and very unusual. The ground was level and then it just splits wide open and you climb down into these crevices. The rocks were very geometric, in block shapes, but with a lot of pitting on the tops. I think they may be composed of a high level of limestone.
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Sunday morning Bond, me, his two youngest sons, B and her two kids, and Ginge went to a lovely state park that I used to live quite close to and therefore have been to many times. I love hiking there. The trail I like best climbs 400 ft straight up (nearly) and then plateaus. The kids were fairly good about doing the climb, but then whined that we had to continue walking to get to the section that takes you down, and lots of complaining that we actually had to negotiate the downward trail...which is kind of treacherous. The path is basically a stairway built from rocks with some cement in places holding rocks in place. I don't know if the rocks have always been so smooth or if it's the result of so much foot traffic over the years, but they are super slippery.

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Despite the complaining, I was really pleased with how well the boys did climbing. I would like to get them out to do more things like this, because I'd love to go to the Grand Canyon and they'll need to be in better shape to do all the hiking I'm hoping it will entail.

We were an hour late leaving to get Bond to Beatdown (held at a park in town now that the weather is nice.) He chose the quickest route and it occurred to me a few minutes into our trip that it was heading us towards the ferry. In reality the ferry is not the quickest trip. It's the slowest. But it is an awesome experience. The boys were interested in riding it across, so Bond kept us on course for the slowest, most interesting route.

The ferry can hold 15 cars and it's quite simple to count back by 5's to see which load you'll be on. We were on the 3rd load, 1st car. It takes the ferry 7 minutes to cross the river, not counting loading and unloading time. There is an ice cream stand on the side we were and it's a tradition to get ice cream while you wait, especially if your wait is as long as ours. :D Once we were loaded we got out and stood at the rail. Memories of riding the ferry with my kids swamped me. So many experiences. My boys used to ride the ferry back and forth from shore to shore all night long fishing off of it. They knew the ferry pilots (?) by name and were even invited into the cab from time to time which was against the rules. The ferry was a big part of their youth.

Discussion on the way home was about getting a cat or kitten. Bond is finally ready for another feline. :) We're most interested in a Maine Coon or a Norwegian Forest Cat. I think we'll end up with the Maine Coon. I'm pretty excited. I read breed info to the boys as we drove to help them make an educated decision. Basically, they'd settle for whatever we promoted. I have a contact in the Czech Republic that raises Maine Coons. She has offered me a free puppy out of my lines if and when the day comes that I may want to get back in the breed. I contacted her about a kitten instead as I doubt I'll ever get back into showing dogs. The cats she owns are co-owned with another breeder. I'd half to pay 1/2 the purchase price + shipping, which makes the cost pretty much what we'd pay for a kitten in the States. Internet searches show that we have some close by. It is so tempting to buy one asap, but I think it would be best if we waited until the kitchen remodel is completed. Then again, that could be months as we haven't really taken any steps other than me daydreaming and sketching things out.

I hope you've all been well. I'll let you know details about the date guy in a bit. I'm not terribly interested in developing another relationship, but I could really use another sex partner and so I'm going forward.
 
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Last night Bond and I talked until nearly 1 AM. It's been awhile since we've done that. We both love our late night heart-to-hearts.

Part of the discussion was about M. Her schedule has changed so now she's working Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, 6PM - 6AM, with an occasional day added in. Bond has been bringing this up quite a bit lately. I know he misses her, or at least I assume he misses her, because he's said so in the past when we've delved into M discussions. He didn't outright say he wanted to set something up with her, but he was talking about her having a lot more availability once she gets used to the new schedule. That she's been sending him nice messages saying things like, "You look happy and I'm happy for you."

I told him that I was disappointed. He asked me to repeat what I said, and then he repeated it back to me, because his brain wasn't computing what I said, I guess.

I told him I was disappointed that he might start something up with her again. That although their relationship never officially ended, for all intents and purposes it had ended. That she was trouble and I was disappointed that she'd be entering into our lives again.

He agreed with everything I said. He said that she was trouble and that he didn't want to bring that back into our lives and especially not back into the house again.

I said, "Because I'm here."

And he said, "Not entirely. I don't want her here, because she had such a hard time with it and I am not very happy with how she never adjusted to things."

He said that when we finally got to Beatdown on Sunday that he had a moment of wondering if M would still have a problem with me being there, but thankfully she wasn't there. That he really liked that the boys and I played Frisbee while he did the grappling. I told him that I had the same thought as we were arriving and that if she had been there I'd have taken the boys to a different part of the park.

Later he said that he thinks two emotionally connected relationships is his saturation point. That last summer when he had M and me he had kind of put Bea on hold, because it was all he could manage.

So...he's seeing Bea more often now - weekly recently - and we're seeing B at least weekly and often more frequently....so...how does he think he'll have time and capacity for M?

I don't get it.

I don't get why he would want to. She's toxic.

Maybe our life is so placid that he needs more stimulus. It's a thought. If things ever really get rocking with B he'll definitely have his hands full. That girl is not easy or simple. She has a tattoo that reads, "You see all my light and you love all my dark," and I doubt it's ever been more fitting for another individual.
 
Hi, all.

So many days have passed since I last posted here. Life is good. I had a birthday last week. Fifty-one. It's rather shocking to think I'm that age. Or that 51 feels quite a lot like 30. :)

Golden has started dating and is pretty wrapped up with two ladies. One spends Saturday nights - Monday mornings at the house, so I am getting to know her fairly well. She seems nice with only a few abrasive qualities. For the most part I enjoy her company.

Bea and ArtCarGuy have filed for divorce. Her life is pretty stressful these days. She graduated from the Masters program last week. She was so sad about her marriage ending just as she accomplished this goal that I think it stole a lot of her joy and sense of accomplishment. To add to the stress, she needs to find another job that will pay her at her higher worth now that she has an MBA. The plan had been to move to another city that has more opportunity, but now ArtCartGuy is being unreasonable about moving. They have a 4 year old little girl that they co-parent. She's always been their major breadwinner and ArtCartGuy has been the primary caregiver to their daughter. She's juggling daycare and work and it's all very hard as he's pretty impossible to work with.

Bond has witnessed several outburst where ArtCartGuy is in a rage and is impossible to reason with - even if Bea is agreeing with him and taking responsibility. He still rants and rages and cannot listen to the words coming out of her mouth. The last incident was where she got the schedule wrong - or rather, she made an assumption. She thought she'd have their daughter in the morning because they all had dentist appointments and ArtCarGuy wanted the earliest appointment (7 AM). Bea assumed that she'd be the one staying at the house the night before, but hadn't confirmed with him, so when he showed up and she wasn't ready to exit the house he blew a gasket.

Last week B and Wicked Professor have ceased marriage counseling per their therapist's advice. WP wasn't actively working on anything and it was pretty pointless. Later in the week he asked her to go to breakfast with him and he laid out a new budget. He's paying his GF $1,000/month to live with her, so now B has to try to cut expenses where she can. So far she's decided to shave her head so she can get past the growing out stage of dyed hair and to start drinking Boon's. Bluck. I will be surprised if either of those things happen.

Bond and I are getting along swimmingly. We're in the planning stages of a kitchen remodel and my head is filled with several layout possibilities. One design has us adding a mudroom/laundry room onto the back of the garage to create an entry from the garage instead of directly into the kitchen. This would be so freaking fantastic that I pretty much guarantee you it won't happen. Pros: 1) place for all the coats/jackets/shoes - no more overflow and mess in the kitchen, 2) move the washer/dryer and associated noise and mess out of the kitchen, and 3) gain 35" x 150" of space. Cons: expensive. The other design is pretty fantastic, too, but it'll mean putting in a range with two ovens rather than a cooktop with two wall ovens and not being able to add a second island. Either design, though, will be a huge improvement because there will be an island for prepping on. :)

And now I need to get out the door as it's date night.
 
I joined a Boot Camp fitness thing and then skipped it. I was supposed to go to orientation Sunday night, but when the time came we were up to our eyeballs in refrigerator problems and I was exhausted from cooking all day. I started in the kitchen at 11 AM and I was finishing the big push around 5 PM when we discovered the refrigerator had frozen up and needed to defrost before it could cool again. Moving refrigerator things to the basement refrigerator and the beverage refrigerator in the dining room and freezer items into the big freezer took close to an hour. While this was happening I had two chickens in the oven that I thought would be done close to 6 PM, but somehow I accidentally turned the oven off, so that moved my timeline back close to two hours. I finally got off my feet when I sat down to watch GOT at 9 PM. Golden rubbed my feet. Which made me a bit nervous, because I don't want him to get ideas, but damn, my feet hurt. I need to wear shoes when I'm planning a cooking day like that. The new kitchen will have cork floors and that should help with the fatigue.

So, I've been fighting myself about going all week. I finally decided to say fuck it and not go. We finished watching, "That Sugar Film," and I've decided to cut sugar out of my diet. My hope is that by doing so I will drop weight. It will probably work as I'm pretty sure the reason I have gained weight is due to my addiction to Coca-cola and lack of control over how much I consume. I expect that the first four weeks will be hell and then I'll be pretty much past the effects of sugar in my system, not to mention the caffeine.

My other thought is that the same fitness place has a boot camp for women over 50. Once I joined their Facebook group I learned about this group and there are women in their 80's in that group. I think they are my people. :D

All I know is that I don't relish the thought of beating my body up. My back is so touchy (spinal fusion two years ago) and I am having more sciatic nerve problems in my right leg again. Part of me wonders if I get in shape again if maybe the sciatic pain would lessen, but the other part of me worries that I could cause actual damage to my vertebra and permanent nerve damage if I push myself too hard.

Today is Day 3 of no Coke. Doing great! Minimal headache.

OMG, I forgot to tell you that Bond gifted me with a tattoo for my birthday! I have a consult with the tattoo artist on the 1st. Here is the design I want done:
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It'll be my first tattoo and I'm kind of nervous, but mostly excited!

Last night Bond and I went to a friend's birthday dinner. There were 7 of us and I only knew one person other than the birthday girl and Bond. It was so much fun and conversation was a hoot. When we left there I suggested to Bond that we start inviting people to our Thursday night dinner/drinks with B and Ginge. We could use some fresh conversation and viewpoints. It's been just the four of us for months and I'm kind of tired of that.

We went to B's after the dinner party. Ginge sent her a text asking her to come help him move a bookcase, so we walked to his new flat. He's less than a 10 minute walk from her house and it's along the lake and then back one block. We crossed paths with a number of bicyclists and a few walkers, but no cars that I recall. We walked in the street, because B declared sidewalks too narrow for three people. She carried a mimosa and Bond carried a second one for her. It was warm and the lake was still. The Capitol dome and lights of the city were mirrored in its dark surface. It was one of those nights where you're glad to be right there in that moment.

When we left B's to head to my parking garage to retrieve my car. Bond was driving. He stopped at the intersection around the corner from her house, looked left then right, and back to the left to gauge if he could pull out in front of a city bus. As he started to pull out I happened to look straight ahead a moment before he did and there was a college-aged couple in front of the car. I don't know why they stepped into the crosswalk, because the front of our car was well into it and they hadn't made eye contact with Bond. Bond was totally at fault, but man, I never step out if I haven't made eye contact with the driver. I shrieked. There wasn't time for words and I couldn't form any. As it was Bond smacked into the man's legs fairly hard. The guy stared at us, his hand on the hood, and then they continued on. Our windows were down, so I quickly asked if he was okay and he just waved us on. Totally rattled.
 
Day 7 No Coke. I. Want. A. Coke.

I had to be at work an hour and fifteen minutes earlier than normal today, so naturally, I woke up an hour and fifteen minutes earlier than the early time I set my alarm for - double early. Argh.

Additionally, I'm feeling all sorts of emotional, which is a carryover from the weekend. There are several factors playing into my emotions. I'm aware that given some time and a different perspective I'll look back at this and say, "Ohh, no one meant that," or, "That wasn't his intention." But today (and yesterday) feels crummy.

For one, I'm struggling with being in a stepparent role. Man, these kids are hard. I am reminding myself how lonely life was and how much I missed the hustle and bustle of a family. And how good it felt to be back in the thick of it. I need to accept that Bond is raising his kids how he wishes and that if he's happy with their behavior that all is good. It's not my call. I need to quit caring if they make demands that in my opinion are unreasonable, because their father doesn't find them unreasonable. "Oh, you don't want to eat what was prepared for dinner? And you want me to make you X? Okay, no problem. Let me jump up and do that. I can wait to eat." Hey, if he's willing to do this, then fine. It's his choice. I need to accept it and not let it make me so hard. I feel like I'm fighting an internal battle all weekend long, every weekend. I need to release that resistance and just let it go.

Another thing that I'm allowing myself to be hurt by is that a number of times Bond has said that he is "letting me design his kitchen" or that he is "thankful I am designing his kitchen." I'm not sure how to take that. It feels like he's trying to establish that it's his house and not mine. It makes me feel like he sees me as temporary in his life. Just passing through. Another thought is that maybe I have misstepped someplace along this kitchen reno path and that I've rankled him and that's why he's using this language. Regardless of the root, the result is that presently I feel like an interloper.

This morning as I got ready for work my mind flitted on the fact that I own a home, so if worse comes to worse, I could always move back into it (after my tenant's lease expires.) But that's really extreme. I really don't think this will come to pass.

I just want a good cry.

And there is this to top things off: M sent him a message saying that she's been going through some transitional stuff and that's why she hasn't been present. She asked him if they could get together Wednesday (tomorrow) night after he's done with my tattoo consult appointment (they still share calendars) or Thursday night. He's going to see her tomorrow night, because Thursday should be our night out with B and Ginge. That makes me nervous, because I really, really don't want her back in our lives. He knows that, but I have a feeling that will not affect his decision - if that's the direction she takes the conversation.

And then late last night he and Bea made plans to hang out tonight. Not a big deal, but it's hard when plans are made so last minute and when it's on a night that is usually our night. And when it's two nights back-to-back that he has plans with his other girls. And it precedes this meeting with M. And Thursday will be a night with friends and not a couples' night. And then we'll be right back to the weekend and the boys.

I am reminding myself that we had Monday together, albeit I spent most of the day cleaning and we had the boys, but we did have the evening together working on the yard.

So, I need to get things back in perspective and start counting my many blessings and note how fortunate I am to have a man that demonstrates his love to me every day. I am living a very blessed life and I need to acknowledge it and feel it!
 
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Bond and I talked via Messenger this afternoon and I'm feeling tons better.

I'm wondering if you see me in a not so long term role in your life. Or if I've misstepped. Several times you've said something along the lines of, "letting you design my kitchen" or "feeling thankful that you're designing my kitchen." I know it's your house and not mine, but when you choose words like that it makes me feel like I'm interloping and I worry that you are trying to convey to me my place.

nope, not at all. i just mean that in the strictest of financial definitions since it's my mortgage. please don't read anything more into than that.
I'll say 'our kitchen" from now on. :)
Initially I took it as in your mortgage, but then I started wondering if I was being obtuse. You don't have to use "our." I just needed to make sure I wasn't missing a message.

"are you feeling disconnected? I feel bad that my attempt to show gratitude about the Kitchen made you question my feelings for you and our future."

"Sorry it backfired. Lol. Ironic!

Yeah, feeling some disconnect. Probably tiredness. And lack of Coke.

I'm also feeling uncertain of where you are at in regards to the kitchen remodel. I feel like I'm making guesses because I don't really know what you want. Scale / scope / timeline. If you want to hear about different ideas / options, etc. If I'm too wrapped up in it...."​
"i'm naturally going to procrastinate because i like things open ended rather than closed. (read that in a psychology book sometime.) So i won't move fast. I need you to drive this forward. Timeline should be this year. I think the next step is to get a designer/remodeler to assess the structural changes, since that changes the plans. I know you told me i need to do that. Keep reminding me. i love the designs you've made! i just need to get this to the front of my list. i feel like i can only do research stuff at work, since home is usually full of kids/want to relax/not home. And work is in deadline mode presently."

1.) thank you for reminding me that you are in deadline mode. That slipped off my radar.
2.) if you'd like me to make the calls for a remodeler or designer, I can do that. We'd need to discuss it in full before I make the call, so I know what's what.
3.) I know you scoff at my Excel layouts, but do you like seeing updates or variations?
4.) I attempted to use Homstylr today to create a better floor plan and gak. It's annoying that cabinets dimensions are limited. I can "see" the design clearer using Excel and picturing it.

excel works well for top down planning i think.
i like seeing updates.

Communication and being willing to be vulnerable for the win!

Tonight I think I'll join B at Polycocktails - but first I need to run home and finish the soup that has been cooking in the crockpot so the kiddos (Beanie and Z) have dinner to eat tonight.
 
Surprise twist to my evening last night; Bond ended up going with to Polycocktails at the Union. Bea sent him a passive message saying that she had a sore throat and overall didn't feel up to hosting, so he said, "Another time" and sent me a message that I didn't see because I was driving that said, "I may be joining you tonight." I was a bit surprised when he walked into the kitchen as I was making the roux for the soup. We didn't stay at the Meetup too long. We were both so tired and B was leaving early to get her kids to bed, so we left at the same time.

When we climbed into bed last night, I suddenly felt the need to have skin contact with Bond. (I'm always naked in bed, but he usually isn't.) As I was scooting closer, telling him my desire to feel skin, he said he knew that and as I slid my hand across his chest I remarked that he didn't have a t-shirt on (which he normally does.) He replied that he didn't have anything on. I was still surprised by all of this and marveling so I asked him why. He said, because he knew I needed contact. He gets me. He understands how disconnect can be emotional and physical and that both do so much for me. <3

I keep forgetting that I have my tattoo consult this evening. I thought I wanted the tattoo on the inside of my arm from mid-forearm to lower bicep, but after someone pointed out that it's a hard spot to have heal with all the bending of your elbow and it'll likely need touch-ups more frequently, as a result I am now reconsidering. Now I'm considering my inside forearm, or bicep, or on my leg calf.

Bond is seeing M from 8-10 tonight. Along with my tattoo consult this is another thing that was totally off my radar today. When I think about it my nerves give me a bit of a tummy ache, so best to put my trust in Bond and not worry myself about it. It's not my circus anyhow. :)

We had to move everything out of our kitchen refrigerator and into the basement refrigerator again this morning. We're doing one more thaw and restart to see if that's enough to cure it. Fingers crossed. We'd rather not buy a refrigerator before we have a definite kitchen remodel plan.
 
I'm so excited about my upcoming tattoo! I can't get in until July 5th, so that's kind of disappointing.

Maggie, the artist, used my inspiration photo and got busy with her markers. The colors aren't exactly what the real tat will be, but it gives you a general idea. The very dark flowers were black, but I thought it was too much black, so she went over them with dark blue. I think I'm going to ask her to make the yellow flower centers a bit larger or maybe just more intense, and maybe add some green into the outer design areas. She dabbed me with yellow here and there, but I think it would be better to add some green instead, and perhaps some orange tint to the yellow flower centers.

I love it!

After talking to Maggie, I decided to go with the placement I originally wanted, which is the inside of my arm across the crook of my elbow. She designed it so that it's mostly paint splatter lines across that spot, so minimal inking there. :)

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Last night, was our friends' night out. We extended an invitation to Bea. Initially she didn't think she could make it due to lack of a babysitter, but she got a neighborhood girl to watch her daughter and was able to make it. It was so much fun and I'm really glad we invited her and that she was able to join us. She was really happy to be there and it felt awesome!

Bond's date night with M on Tuesday was very casual and she didn't have anything to "reveal" so my flutters were for nothing. I'm glad I didn't allow them to become an ugly monster.

Things went back into the refrigerator last night. Now to see how it cools through the weekend with the kids opening it up frequently. Fingers crossed.
 
Beautiful design.
 
I think that adding some orange to the yellow, or substituting orange for yellow altogether, is a good idea. I believe that over time the yellow will fade and not show very strongly, whereas orange is more of a contrast and might have more staying power. I also like the idea of some greenery (or teal) peeking out here and there.

I'm not really much into tattoos, but that is a pretty one.
 
Orange is also the across-the-color-wheel contrast for blue, so they'll look good together. I love the art though.
 
Thanks, Atlantis, nycindie, and icesong. :) I appreciate the feedback. Definitely feeling like more orange than yellow and adding in some green. The flowers will be more teal than blue. She didn't have that wide of a range of colors in her markers, but we talked about it and she said that when it comes to the actual tattoo I can chose between a vast array of colors. So excited!
 
My head is filled with visions of kitchen design plans. We've finally decided on a layout and have a basic idea of what we want for appliances. Just in time too I'm thinking, because our refrigerator is really on its last legs. We continue to empty it and defrost it and then give it another go. Bond took it apart last weekend and fixed a bracket that had broken, but he thinks there are a couple of other parts that need to be replaced.

I don't have the patience for the free CAD programs for kitchen designing, so I've been mocking it up in Excel, which has some serious limitations, but it's quicker and less frustrating that trying to find cabinets in the sizes we want using the software of other programs. So, here it is...

Key: 1 square = 3"

Full layout:
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Left-half:
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Right-half:
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Cabinets: Walnut
Countertops: Corian Witch Hazel
Prep Island countertop: End Grain Walnut Butcher Block
Flooring: Marmoleum or Cork

Appliances (nothing is set in stone, but this is what I think we're doing):
36" Sub-Zero All Refrigerator Built-In, Paneled
36" Sub-Zero All Freezer Built-In, Paneled
48" Wolf Rangetop
30" Advantium Speed Oven
30" Convection Oven
24" microwave

The space is going to seem so huge compared to the current configuration. Right now the left-half is pretty much divided from the right half with a pantry and wall oven. The walkway between the two halves is incredibly congested. Currently the right-half has a coat closet by the garage door and then an accordion door hides a wash sink, washer, dryer, and cabinet with laundry baskets. On the opposite wall are built-in cabinets that are 14" deep and in the middle of the room is my 40" wide Pottery Barn table. It's so crowded! Plus, we're going to put in a much bigger window on the sink wall. The current window is 40" wide and the plan calls for a window around 90" wide. We may even bump that out 6-10". Light and space. :)

On the poly front: Bond is seeing M tonight. She is coming to get a tent and air mattress. She's bringing her daughter and they are going to do something with the kids, go to a park or something. This was set up kind of last minute, so I don't have plans. I think I'll go to the mall and do some clothes shopping for myself.

Ginge and B are camping. They left yesterday and I think they're coming home today or tomorrow. I don't really know much about it, because they kind of kept it secret which feels crummy. The first news we heard about it was when a friend was setting up a wine tasting and B said she would be camping. When I brought it up Ginge said that they wanted to do a mini-camping test to see how his little girl would handle it. I don't get why they felt they couldn't tell us that.

Bea is busy wrapping up things at the job she's leaving, packing, and apartment hunting in her new city. She hasn't had much time for Bond. I think he feels a bit sad about it.

Yesterday our new Tempurpedic mattress was delivered. It's definitely a different feel from a conventional mattress. I thought I'd get a lot of relief from sciatic pain, but no. Maybe I'll notice something over time. I woke this morning thinking that I need to call my health insurance company and request a different doctor and start the steps to see a specialist. I'm so scared that I'm about to go down the same back pain/back surgery path again. :(
 
I am SO JELLY of your kitchen! Super exciting! :)
 
I am SO JELLY of your kitchen! Super exciting! :)

I'm so stoked, RainyGrl! I've never had the opportunity to design the kitchen of my dreams before, albeit it's not exactly the kitchen of my dreams due to the existing footprint, but it'll be pretty fantastic. And Bond is so fantastic about the whole thing. He can be frustrating at times, because he'll say something to lead me to believe he wants to spend as little as possible on say, appliances, and so I'll start gearing things in that direction only to find out later that he's ready to buy the top of the line. I think he's had to come to terms with things and it's taken him a bit to realize that we cook a lot and we demand a lot from a kitchen due to the number of people. I appreciate that he's reached this understanding without me having to say anything or be put in the position where I feel I have to defend my position. We've taken things at a slow pace and it's coming together. We're getting comfortable talking about this project. It was hard for me at first to share my ideas or to say, "I want this...", or "I think we should do this...", because he's the one paying for everything and it's his name on the mortgage. Initially our visions were quite different from one another. I wanted white cabinets and he wanted light maple. We went to a kitchen design store and found a middle ground, but after that it shifted even more and so now we're planning on walnut cabinets. I'm glad we had to work to find an aesthetic that works for the two of us, because I believe we've come up with a much better design as a result.

Last night as we were lying in bed he said that he's happy with us. This relationship has felt right since the beginning and it continues to feel right as it deepens.
 
Just heard from my youngest son. He can't make it to my niece and her new hubby's surprise wedding reception picnic this weekend, because he works Wednesdays to Sundays (internship). He has one more day of his two week summer Guard training at McCoy and then he'll be back to that. Starting July 6th he goes back to McCoy for a 3 week basic leadership course. It will enable him to become a sergeant this late winter (given everything goes appropriately.) He thinks his internship people will be super pissed, because he goes for Air Assault August 9th to the 21st. He said he'll be one of two people in his entire unit to have an air assault badge on his uniform, if he can pass the school.

And I felt like saying, "Oh, yeah. Well, I'm getting a tattoo on July 5th."

I'm so proud of him. :D He joined the Wisconsin National Guard so that he could afford the last couple of years of college and he's making the most of it.
 
I just wanted to pop in and say that I just caught up on your entire blog.... wow! The kitchen looks like it will be incredible and I'm loving the tattoo design!

This is probably a completely trivial question, but given the frequency with which I just read about you prepping soups and such to freeze for the week... how many meals a week do you eat soup?! I mean, soup is delicious, it was just something that struck me as amusing from a reader's perspective!
 
I just wanted to pop in and say that I just caught up on your entire blog.... wow! The kitchen looks like it will be incredible and I'm loving the tattoo design!

This is probably a completely trivial question, but given the frequency with which I just read about you prepping soups and such to freeze for the week... how many meals a week do you eat soup?! I mean, soup is delicious, it was just something that struck me as amusing from a reader's perspective!

Ha! So much soup! I just had to take a picture of the frozen soup I brought for lunch today (Spicy Coconut Chicken Thai Soup.)
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It's the easiest thing to bring for lunch, so I probably eat soup 4 to 5 days a week. Golden was also taking soup and/or meatballs most days for lunch, and Z often eats soup at night for his "second dinner." I make a lot of fucking soup. I can't wait to have the new kitchen, because I spend so many hours prepping food. It'll be a dream to have the island to prep on and a 6 burner rangetop for multiple stock pots.
 
My boss retires on the 28th. I can't believe it's so close now. I'm going to miss her so much. She's been my boss for 14.5 years and she's a fantastic boss. The new guy seems decent, but there will be the pains of him becoming acclimated to the job and also trying all sorts of things to "improve" how things operate. I don't think I have the stamina to endure this period. Ugh.

Bond has the sads, because Bea is such a poor communicator and is so very busy. He asks if she has time free and it takes her days, if at all, to reply. It's hard on him emotionally and he's not sure he can keep doing it. She moves in a month or so - last he heard she was putting it off and commuting for a month. She'll be back in town fairly often on the weekends I expect, but she may not have time for him. It's hard to watch your partner get hurt and feel crummy over things like this. I wish I could wave a magic wand and change her circumstances for his sake - and for hers, too.

B has been going through some tough stuff this week, too. WP is such an ass. He's taking his GF on vacation to Vermont, which has always been a family vacation they take every summer. He's not taking the kids and it's a place they love to go. Tough stuff to deal with.

Bond and I are going to look at refrigerators again tonight. The playing field gets narrowed down considerably when looking for a 36" all-refrigerator, built-in or integrated, unit. In the running are SubZero and Miele, and maybe, maybe Marvel. There is always the chance that Bond will decide that other brands fit the bill, but from my research that's pretty much it for those parameters. If we changed from all-refrigerator and all-freezer units to a combo frig/freezer unit, then Liebherr and some other brands would be options. We have an older upright freezer that we could relocate to the basement or garage. A bonus if we went that route would be that we'd be able to reclaim 36" of wall space - which would probably translate into double wall ovens - rather than one full size convection oven in the island. That would be sweet, but I'm not certain it would be worth giving up the cubic feet that an all-refrigerator would offer us.

This morning Bond looked at the outside of the house to visualize how it would look if we put in a wider window in the kitchen and bumped it out 10" or so. Conclusion: it'll look fine and not mess up the aesthetics. Yay! So, that means he's on board for a 90" window from countertop to ceiling and a super deep counter due to the bump out. Swoon.
 
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