fluid bonding/bareback

In our relationship HUbs doesnt wear condoms becuse he is snipped but bf does. BC is a tricky thing with me. I had the Depo shot years ago but had over 7 months of hell with it. Hubs said it was the best form of BC because well since the shot screwed me up so bad they had to put me on 2 other forms of estrogen trying to stop the effects it was putting me through. After having our first child I found out that my body all of a sudden did not like latex. So we tried the spermicide.. which turned into a problem for him lol. I have thought about getting back on the pill but I have to quit smoking since I am getting awfully close to the bad age for smoking and the pill. My bf and I years ago were bareback more often than not. I can honestly say Im not worried about STDs with either one of them but I do not want to end up pregnant again. Im thinking the pill might make a comeback again for us soon. Heck of alot cheaper than buying special condoms lol. I as a female dont like the feel of condoms during or after. Never did. And well even my bf will say they are a PITA lol.
 
In our relationship HUbs doesnt wear condoms becuse he is snipped but bf does. BC is a tricky thing with me. I had the Depo shot years ago but had over 7 months of hell with it. Hubs said it was the best form of BC because well since the shot screwed me up so bad they had to put me on 2 other forms of estrogen trying to stop the effects it was putting me through. After having our first child I found out that my body all of a sudden did not like latex. So we tried the spermicide.. which turned into a problem for him lol. I have thought about getting back on the pill but I have to quit smoking since I am getting awfully close to the bad age for smoking and the pill. My bf and I years ago were bareback more often than not. I can honestly say Im not worried about STDs with either one of them but I do not want to end up pregnant again. Im thinking the pill might make a comeback again for us soon. Heck of alot cheaper than buying special condoms lol. I as a female dont like the feel of condoms during or after. Never did. And well even my bf will say they are a PITA lol.

Have you thought about the Mirena or another kind of IUD? I've had Mirena for 6 years (on the second one now) and it works great. The depot shot did some terrible things to me as well - including causing major weight gain, depression, anxiety, and a complete lack of sex drive - which for anyone who knows me is a practically a death sentence in and of itself, but I stuck with it for 3 years before realizing it was the cause. I'm allergic to spermacide myself and got pregnant on the pill, so this is my best choice and allows my husband and b/f to go bareback w/o worrying.
 
Have you thought about the Mirena or another kind of IUD? I've had Mirena for 6 years (on the second one now) and it works great. The depot shot did some terrible things to me as well - including causing major weight gain, depression, anxiety, and a complete lack of sex drive - which for anyone who knows me is a practically a death sentence in and of itself, but I stuck with it for 3 years before realizing it was the cause. I'm allergic to spermacide myself and got pregnant on the pill, so this is my best choice and allows my husband and b/f to go bareback w/o worrying.

Actually I was thinking about that but have never met anyone who used it to ask about it. Depo caused major bleeding, weight gain hair loss and NO sex drive. Hubs said it was the best birth control because there was NO change of getting any to get prego LOL. Think I should talk to the doc about Mirena. :D Thanks
 
Actually I was thinking about that but have never met anyone who used it to ask about it. Depo caused major bleeding, weight gain hair loss and NO sex drive. Hubs said it was the best birth control because there was NO change of getting any to get prego LOL. Think I should talk to the doc about Mirena. :D Thanks

I love it and the best part for me is NOT getting my period and NOT getting pregnant. I used to get awful debilitating cramps but now I rarely have break through spotting. I've lost most of the weight and kept it off too, which helped alot. And I got my drive back, though I'm not sure Wolf thinks that's a good thing some days since he can't keep up with me anymore. Good luck talking to your doctor.
 
If you have a problem with hormonal birth control (as I did) you can also ask about copper IUDs, which aren't hormonal. However, hormonal IUDs (such as Mirena) are typically much less harsh on you than other hormonal birth control. Still, I thought I'd point it out (especially since depending on the model, they last up to ten years!).
I've been wearing a copper IUD for three years now and all the problems I had due to hormones vanished pretty much right away. It hurt to have it put in, but then it just felt like menstrual cramps for a couple of days and I was fine afterwards.

Each body responds differently, but personally my periods have been less painful since and I stopped having migraines as well. Also, while I had more blood loss the first few months, I know have much, much less than I ever did on the pill.
If you opt for a hormonal IUD, periods are much smaller and might even vanish completely, although it varies from one woman to the next. I hear copper ones typically increase the flow but it's not always the case (wasn't for me).

One thing with IUDs it that if you do get a STD or STI, having a IUD in place can complicate it. My solution? Don't catch one! But it's something to keep in mind. It also only prevents pregnancy in your uterus, meaning it's not going to stop you from getting one outside the womb (although it doesn't cause them either, and they're rare, so I don't personally worry about it. But it's true that most other forms of birth control work for ALL pregnancies, and this one is more focused. Obviously a pregnancy outside the womb needs to be terminated anyways for health reasons, but it's something to keep in mind.)

I personally love my IUD. I think the best form of birth control is the one that works for you, so I tried to be fair and give the pros and the cons. Feel free to read up on other methods too and/or ask your doctor so you can make an informed decision.

Going back to the subject, I really care about fluid bonding. I do believe it's a matter of trust, mostly trusting everyone to at least use condoms or other protection if they screw around, and to a lesser extent trusting them to to screw around. But I'd feel more comfortable with someone I know is likely to screw around but sure to use protection than someone less likely to screw around but who wouldn't use protection if he did.
Regular testing is also a good plan. If someone has something for whatever reason, you want all the others to know.
 
Considering getting snipped myself. The reason? Because I think it would be the best option for our relationship. T, L, V. I am T, my wife is L, and our girlfriend is V. L has had her tubes tied. V has not. V is on a BC shot, and says it has worked well for her in the past. However, due to her insurance ending at one of her jobs (she is going full time at a diff job now) her shots will have to wait a little while. This puts us at risk. Not at risk of STD's....But of pregnancy. There is always a chance, and I don't like chances. Not when it comes to kids. It's not fair to the child. And, honestly, wearing a condom, is a drag. Get all hot and in the moment, and "oh...wait...hold on a sec while I rip open a condom and put it on." :rolleyes: I hate that moment. It should be a good moment, but I hate it. :( So, my wife and I have thought about it in the recent past. I have gotten a lot of info on it also.

Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. :( Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.
 
Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. :( Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.

Because you want to feel safe and secure in your fluid bonded non monogamy...
 
I agree Tonberry. Wendigo and I actually had this conversation the other day. We had an adventure the other night (the four of us and a friend who we were helping with his bucket list) and afterwards I mentioned that I wouldn't have felt comfortable having our friend cum inside me.... I'd have been fine with him cumming on me or on Pretty Lady and helping clean her off, but not having his cum inside me. I couldn't explain it at the time and, internally, wondered if our friend would feel bad if he knew. But Wendigo pointed out to me that its the difference between being sexy and being intimate. I'm intimate with my lovers and I value that intimacy, but friends or casual sex partners are just that and don't deserve anything more than sexy from me.
 
Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. :( Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.

Well, I guess we need the context. Considering she had her tube tied, was it a "I won't get snipped, you get your tubes tied" kind of thing, or did you talk about it and you personally didn't feel comfortable getting snipped so she did it, or something else?
I can understand how the idea of potentially having another child from your wife, that you have a more comfortable relationship with, would be less scary and therefore the idea of getting snipped, which can be psychologically hard, wasn't "worth it". But now that there might be a risk for someone you aren't married with, it's more of an incentive because on the one hand you want to protect a future child, who would be in a tricky situation being a lovechild, and make sure you don,t put them in that position, and on the other hand for yourself you also might not want to risk having to pay but not being able to see your child as much because this relationship isn't as "secure", and for your GF you might worry that it would be hard to be a "single mom" and possibly be seen as a slut, and for your wife that it might be hard that you have kids with someone else, etc, etc.
It just involves more people and that might be what decided you. Also, now that it's not about one couple being sterile (you and your wife) but there are more relationships because you're poly, you might be starting to see it on an individual basis, that is every person becomes responsible of their own birth control, it's not the couple but each individual, as each individual might be involved in more than one relationship. In that case, vasectomy makes a lot of sense because it protects ALL your partners from an unwanted pregnancy, rather than needing another form of birth control with each one of them individually.

Also, how long has it been? It's also possible that while you weren't willing to do it at the time, enough time has passed that you feel it's the right thing to do too, and not just for your girlfriend, but for your wife as well, for yourself, for everyone involved.
 
Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. :( Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.

I had this idea that just maybe we (you and me) might want more babies, but I know I don't want any with her... and have reason to believe you and I have confirmed that we don't wnat more now as well.
But in that moment, I just didn't know if maybe we'd change our mind.

??
 
Well, I guess we need the context. Considering she had her tube tied, was it a "I won't get snipped, you get your tubes tied" kind of thing, or did you talk about it and you personally didn't feel comfortable getting snipped so she did it, or something else?
Weeellll.....It was 13 years ago, and I still felt that I would be loosing something if I was snipped. Like I would loose my sex drive or something. Since we dated our last couple, and he was snipped and had no issues with sex drive, I have felt more secure in the knowledge that will not happen....So I kinda told her "No way!" :eek: And since neither of us wanted anymore kids, it made sense to have ONE of us get clipped. Hers was more invasive, but it's done now and out of the way.

I can understand how the idea of potentially having another child from your wife, that you have a more comfortable relationship with, would be less scary and therefore the idea of getting snipped, which can be psychologically hard, wasn't "worth it". But now that there might be a risk for someone you aren't married with, it's more of an incentive because on the one hand you want to protect a future child, who would be in a tricky situation being a lovechild, and make sure you don,t put them in that position, and on the other hand for yourself you also might not want to risk having to pay but not being able to see your child as much because this relationship isn't as "secure", and for your GF you might worry that it would be hard to be a "single mom" and possibly be seen as a slut, and for your wife that it might be hard that you have kids with someone else, etc, etc.
Wow, some issues I hadn't even THOUGHT of yet. LOL Actually, our gf is 45....so for her to bear another child would be difficult on her physically as well as mentally. Especially considering her children are all out of the house.

It just involves more people and that might be what decided you. Also, now that it's not about one couple being sterile (you and your wife) but there are more relationships because you're poly, you might be starting to see it on an individual basis, that is every person becomes responsible of their own birth control, it's not the couple but each individual, as each individual might be involved in more than one relationship. In that case, vasectomy makes a lot of sense because it protects ALL your partners from an unwanted pregnancy, rather than needing another form of birth control with each one of them individually.
Not really an issue as we are all three poly-fi. My wife and I don't want any others. (at this time ;) ) and neither does our GF. (at this time ;) ) So for us, this is as large as our poly family will get.....at this time. LOL I add that because you never know what the future may hold when it comes to love and relationships. 20 years ago, I NEVER would have thought I would have delved into the swinging lifestyle....let alone be married to a woman who is also poly!:eek: I knew I wanted more than one....but I thought I was weird and needed a psychiatrist or something. LOL

Also, how long has it been? It's also possible that while you weren't willing to do it at the time, enough time has passed that you feel it's the right thing to do too, and not just for your girlfriend, but for your wife as well, for yourself, for everyone involved.
It's been about 13 years. And back then, we weren't swinging yet. Hadn't even thought about it yet......but it was shortly afterward that we met my wife's first boyfriend since we got married. He happened to be my best friend at the time. Well, one thing led to another, and we're glad she had her tubes tied, because after about 6 months or so of playing, we were fluid bonded.


For ME....The issue was always that I was going to loose something....my manhood, my sex drive, SOMETHING. So I was AFRAID to do it. NOW, with research readily available on the web, FRIENDS who have had the procedure done successfully and had no ill effects.....I'm not AS afraid of it anymore. In fact, I kinda look forward to my wife and our GF pampering me and my man parts. LOL :p
 
I had this idea that just maybe we (you and me) might want more babies, but I know I don't want any with her... and have reason to believe you and I have confirmed that we don't wnat more now as well.
But in that moment, I just didn't know if maybe we'd change our mind.

??
Very good, but it would be deceptive and partially a lie. I can't do that. ;) Thank you though!
 
yeah, that was before I read your next post. ;)

For us it was simple, he got fixed first.
So I told GG, it's coverage or snipped.
He got snipped.
 
I think you explained it perfectly: at the time, you thought it would be bad for your sex drive and your manhood and you weren't willing to risk it. Now, you know it's not true. Had you known had the time you would have done it for her (or for yourself) so it's not about her or your girlfriend, it's about how your perceptions of the procedure changed. The fears you had at the time have been dismissed, BUT you didn't have a reason to get snipped when you stopped having these fears because she already was and you didn't both need to be. So it hadn't come up until now.
Just be honest with her and I think she'll understand.
 
For ME....The issue was always that I was going to loose something....my manhood, my sex drive, SOMETHING. So I was AFRAID to do it. NOW, with research readily available on the web, FRIENDS who have had the procedure done successfully and had no ill effects.....I'm not AS afraid of it anymore.
A vasectomy has nothing to do with sex drive or "manhood." It simply prevents sperm from being released in the ejaculation. You do still ejaculate after a vasectomy, but it's worry-free! Sperm is still produced in the testes after a vasectomy, but production tends to go down. However, that has nothing to do with your manhood or virility. Sperm is only a small percentage of semen, anyway. Just think of it as a bridge between the sperm and semen no longer being there, while nothing else is affected. Testosterone levels stay the same. My husband had it done when we decided to get married. It's a very easy, simple procedure. A few days to heal and we never had to think about pregnancy again.
 
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Oh I know Cindie...I know....I've done a LOT of research into it. In fact, here in Tampa, there is a doctor who does it with no scalpel. All laser. Still....Like I said...Not AS scared. LOL
 
I got a vasectomy about three years ago. I carried around fear of the procedure for about 3 years, I think, before I mustured up the courage to get it done.

The reality was that it was just about the easiest medical procedure that I could possibly imagine. No fuss, no muss. Took less than 15 min. I didn't have pain after about an hour. And the pain I did experience was very minor. I had a "no needle, no scapel" procudure that apparently dramatically reduces recovery time.

I've literally had way worse experiences getting blood drawn or getting my teeth cleaned at the Dentist.
 
I got a vasectomy about three years ago. I carried around fear of the procedure for about 3 years, I think, before I mustured up the courage to get it done.

The reality was that it was just about the easiest medical procedure that I could possibly imagine. No fuss, no muss. Took less than 15 min. I didn't have pain after about an hour. And the pain I did experience was very minor. I had a "no needle, no scapel" procudure that apparently dramatically reduces recovery time.

I've literally had way worse experiences getting blood drawn or getting my teeth cleaned at the Dentist.
Thank you for this info sir. ;)
 
I think you explained it perfectly: at the time, you thought it would be bad for your sex drive and your manhood and you weren't willing to risk it. Now, you know it's not true. Had you known had the time you would have done it for her (or for yourself) so it's not about her or your girlfriend, it's about how your perceptions of the procedure changed. The fears you had at the time have been dismissed, BUT you didn't have a reason to get snipped when you stopped having these fears because she already was and you didn't both need to be. So it hadn't come up until now.
Just be honest with her and I think she'll understand.
And I think that you actually put it far simpler than I would have. LOL I have this bad communication thing working against me. So if it CAN be messed up...I WILL mess it up. LOL
 
I got a vasectomy about three years ago. I carried around fear of the procedure for about 3 years, I think, before I mustured up the courage to get it done.

The reality was that it was just about the easiest medical procedure that I could possibly imagine. No fuss, no muss. Took less than 15 min. I didn't have pain after about an hour. And the pain I did experience was very minor. I had a "no needle, no scapel" procudure that apparently dramatically reduces recovery time.

I've literally had way worse experiences getting blood drawn or getting my teeth cleaned at the Dentist.

It does go wrong for a very small minority of men. I know one of them. He had a previously unsuspected genetic thing. His body does not reabsorb some component what is produced inside, which can longer be ejaculated from the body. This gets infected, his own body defences attack it. He has had several severe infections over the years and still has perpetually painful swollen testicles. It ruined his marriage and wrecked his life.
 
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