You state that he doesn't know you very well in an earlier post about squeezing your legs when you don't like that. You don't seem to know him very well either if you didn't know handjobs for him don't rate til now either.
You cannot magically mind reader each other. Tastes and preferences can change.
How about making a date to check out the check list below and get to know what DOES rate for each of you then? Get reacquainted?
http://openingup.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Open-Relationship-Checklist-OU.pdf
Could copy and paste relevant bits to Word or something before printing so he doesn't have to know it's an "Opening Up" thing if you think that would make him not want to do it with you as a "getting to know each other again" exercise.
Could see what things you are willing /not willing to do those together. And how high it would rate. Then go try some!
Does he want PIV at
every sexual encounter? If you are up for that,
go with it then. If you don't, don't. But reassure him it isn't a punishment thing. It's an "I don't feel like that right now I rather do X!" thing. Your body is yours. You share it how you want to.
But taking a step back from the trees a bit and checking out the forest level view....
Maybe he thinks you punish him with sex because HE is punishing YOU with sex and the no PIV limit? Could ask him that.
"Do you think I punish you with sex when ____ happens because you are punishing ME somehow with the no PIV limit? Do you know I am totally ok honoring that limit?"
Maybe you being ok with it backfired. You weren't "supposed" to be ok with it? He meant it as a punishment and you were supposed to be unhappy with C because of it and dump him without DH having to ask that of you (and thus risk you picking C instead). But here you are having a great time with C without PIV! Neither of you is suffering! While he is! Now what is DH supposed to do?
(<-- is that the line of thought he is on?)
And maybe to clear the air you could ask...
"Do you think I punish you with sex? Because you punish me with the no PIV sex thing? Because really you don't want to be sharing me sexually with anyone? But don't say it straight up?
And you tried to be in polyship to please me (and / or not "lose me") but came to find it sucks for you and now wish you never went there in the first place?"
Was any of that aired out in therapy?
Could make up your mind what your main goal is here.
You aren't going to get them all in one go. You have a lot of layers going on there.
But if you crave emotional intimacy most of all... going to have to start tackling having the hard conversations, asking the hard questions, risk being vulnerable to each other, face some not so great sides of each other, and... still choose to be willing to be together and willing love each other anyway...warts and all.
That's how emotional intimacy is built to me. By taking the risk to be emotionally laid bare and risk being emotionally hurt to find out what you need to know.
Galagirl