I have what may be a silly question, but...

I have to ask what poly people think about this.

If you're out on a date with one of your partners, then you come home to the partner you live with, do you always shower first?

My wife did not shower the other night before coming home because "there were no fluids". However, they were naked together, kissing (not just on the mouth), and it was hot and sweaty. I have a thing about cleanliness and could smell the other person's scent on her. I have a very sensitive nose and could totally tell that her hair smelled different and also was a little weirded out and not wanting to kiss any part of her body if that person's mouth was all over her.

I'm sorry if this question is weird, but I honestly want to know what people do. To me, it's just common sense to shower after this sort of thing. My wife is really sensitive about being told she's "dirty", so it's a delicate subject.
 
It's not weird. And your wife is not 'dirty'.

I also prefer a shower happening in between partner visits, whether I am the one showering or my partner(s) are. And I have a sensitive nose too.

I think of it as a way to transition from one personal relationship to the next. Present it to your wife as a transition, not that she's dirty, smelly and needs to wash off 'that person's' smell from her body. That does come across as controlling and that you are taking back your 'territory'. I believe that is not at all what you meant but it can be taken that way.
 
Your wife may like his scent on her, especially if she's only seeing him on a limited basis. I think if it affects you that much you need to have a conversation about what's to be expected. I don't think it's to much to ask that she shower when she get home from playing with her other partner. I'm a little weird about that myself, if I see my girlfriend kiss her husband and then kiss me later I get all sorts of thoughts in my head.
 
opalescent - no I don't think she's dirty, but she has some of her own personal core beliefs to that effect, from some childhood experiences, so she's really sensitive to the issue. I did ask the other day as delicately as I could and she said she would shower. I guess it seemed odd to me that this wouldn't be obvious.

WhatToDo - it never occured to me that she'd like the other woman's scent on her. Even so, I just think it's a courtesy to the partner that you come home to and sleep with to shower first.
 
It's a totally personal decision, and not a silly question at all. I think it's quite common and reasonable to want this.

My gf doesn't mind my bf's smell on me, but then, she and he are FWBs. But with her bf, and also with my bf's other 2 new lovers, I prefer they shower after sex with them before snuggling up to me.

Some evidence of my partner(s)' sex with others bothers me. I don't mind if miss pixi comes home with love bites, but I do mind when Ginger does!
 
For me it's down to whether I'd otherwise choose to be involved with the third person's nakedness, saliva, sweat, and other fluids. In cases where I would (partner returning after a date with a mutual partner, or even someone I was crushing on), then I probably wouldn't care if there were a shower (unless a shower was called for to save the sheets from a sweaty mess!).

In your case, since I wouldn't voluntarily be wrapped up in a (non-co-sleeping) metamour's smells, I'd gently ask my partner to shower as part of keeping our intimacy separate from theirs.

Woof would probably gladly roll in anyone's sweat and fluids that I'd be with. So there must be other partners who really don't have any preference at all.
 
Oh yes that's it! I would not want to be intimate with that other person, therefore I don't want to come in contact with their scent, etc.

We've had threesomes before and it wasn't an issue at all.

Thanks!
 
Hmm I hadn't ever thought of this, and I the hinge! Yikes! Well so far it hasn't been an issue. Though now that I have heard it might be I will have to be more...aware of this type of thing.
I think it doesn't register with me because only one of my partners is big on cuddles. So it wouldn't even occur to me that my other partner might have an issue with it. Now fluids involved? Yah I will for sure shower, but just some heavy petting and making out? Not so much.
 
My man usually showers before he sees his gf, but not when he returns. There have definitely been times when I have tasted her on him. It doesn't really bother me, but I also like to hear about all of the details that went along with the acquiring the smells and tastes. Honestlt though, I have occasionally wondered why he showers before and not also after.
 
I ALWAYS shower before returning to Maca because to not do so would bother the hell out of him.
I don't always shower going to GG, because it doesn't bother him.

Likewise; it didn't bother me when Maca was with E but it did with the other lady.

It really is just a personal preference and I don't think it's weird at all.

What is weird to me-is not talking about personal preferences.
 
Many people are not just sensitive to scents, but can emotionally connect to others through their sense of smell, whether it is comfort, familiarity, arousal, or something else. This has been discussed here: Sense of Smell and Polyamory (there probably aren't many topics that haven't already been discussed here, LOL).

However, using water is a great way to feel renewed and to let go of any lingering energies. When I was a bodyworker (deep-tissue massage), of course I washed my hands between clients, but I also used to rinse my arms in very cold water up past my elbows to feel free of the energy of the previous client. After spending 90 minutes connected to someone with my hands manipulating their muscles, during which they would sometimes have emotional reactions, I needed to do that to start fresh with the next person.

Besides that, in polyamory, many people like to have a little time by themselves to process their experience with one partner before reconnecting with another. For some, it isn't an easy or smooth adjustment to make when transitioning from between lovers. When I was new here, I asked about that in this thread: How do you avoid distraction? . That transition time may or may not include a shower. It may be that your wife enjoys the smell of her other partner on her, but like I said, a shower is a great way to transition from one person's energies to another. Perhaps you might want to give her a little alone time after her dates she she can gather all her molecules together, so to speak, and be present for you.
 
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I have had sex with more than one partner in a day and not showered in between, and neither one of my partners cared or mentioned it. But I don't fuck guys who wear lots of cologne or stuff like that, and I usually do a little "washing up" even if I don't jump in the shower.
 
I do too! I hate not only fluids, but I'm usually all sweaty and have something on me like lube or lotion or whatever's been going on. Ha. I just like to feel and smell clean.
 
I shower every Time I have sex. I hate bodily fluid, like the second its over im getting in the shower

Really? I just don't understand how anyone can have sex if they are turned off by the natural body fluids that happen from it. That seems so OCD. I love-love-love sticky sex. Sweat, cum, saliva, gimme! But I think that's because I had a lot of it way back before the AIDs crisis started and condoms became a necessity. I remember when people had pubic hair and smelled like people, LOL. Sex where there is no fluids feels so artificial and sterile to me.
 
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While I like bodily fluids. I hate when I finally have to shower after I have sex. I know I'm going to miss it being on me.
 
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