fluid bonding/bareback

Somewhere along the line (I think it might have been in response to a post I made in my blog thread, but I can't remember for sure), Magdlyn pointed out that while yes, STIs can be transmitted through oral sex, the odds as compared to transmission through intercourse are relatively negligible. I think we were talking about things other than HSV, though.

In my dynamic, Woody and Highlight are fluid bonded at her request (she has a latex sensitivity, which trumps my "condoms are a bleeping nuisance") and that is exclusive on Woody's side; Highlight is also fluid bonded with Lips, who has no other partners. However, one of the first questions I asked--which I blogged about here, which led to the conversation I mention above--was whether Woody's exclusivity in fluid bonding with Highlight extended to oral sex. He talked with her about it; she is a nurse, so has some knowledge in this area, and they concluded that if he and I do unprotected *oral* sex, it does not violate his agreement with her about exclusive fluid bonding.

Which, when I start getting pissy about not having the option to fluid bond with him, is what I use to chill myself out... saliva is, after all, a fluid.
 
In my group Hefe and Fire are bonded (married, so of course) but they use protection with all others. Which makes sense, since the background they've got with this is more of a swinger thing, at least on Hefe's side, I think. However, they don't necessarily use protection with oral.

I am fully fluid bonded with Analyst and with Zen. Zen has no other partners, and I'm presently Analyst's only fluid bonded partner, as he uses protection with Fire.

Personally, I feel like whenever one has sex, either with a new partner, or a partner without exclusivity, one rolls the dice and takes the chances. I get tested every few months, and that's just how I reconcile that. *shrug*
 
HSV and HPV are different than most of the other common STIs in that they are transmitted via touch, NOT bodily fluids. So they only need to come into contact skin to skin to possibly transmit. This is part of the reason why both are so freakin' common.

I find this site helpful with the facts:http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/

Here's the risk calculus I've done with unprotected oral sex. I tell partners I have cold sores rarely. (Perhaps once a year.) I tell partners I have HPV - it's been treated but I could still be a carrier. (Science and medicine are shockingly ignorant about HPV - while they are learning more, there is a lot they don't know about it.) I don't kiss or give unprotected oral sex when I have a cold sore or feel like I might be getting one.

But I still have unprotected oral sex with others, giving and receiving. Given that I've already been exposed to the hundreds of HPV viruses out there, and I've gotten the HPV vaccine, that everyone sexually active with more than one partner has likely been exposed to HPV, and that the health risks, while not peanuts, are manageable, then I am ok giving and receiving unprotected oral sex. This might change if they find out that HPV can commonly cause throat cancers (so far this seems to be a serious concern if one is a heavy smoker). But the science is evolving on this. Also just about everyone has HSV-1. And while I do not want genital herpes, it's also not a major health risk for me. (If my health status becomes immune compromised, then this would change.)

The other STIs are easier to avoid getting with condoms and other barriers. And they have way more serious health risks than either HSV or HPV, for me. Gonorrhea destroys fertility and is often undetected. Syphilis untreated can make one mad. HIV kills (and not everyone responds well to the cocktails that make it a long-term chronic illness instead of swift death sentence.)

(Also everyone who is at higher risk of getting HIV needs to be on PreP. It's been shown to reduce transmission to almost zero, which is amazing. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/hiv-prevention-pill/)

Anyway, I've rambled on about my risk calculus long enough.
 
Re (from Tri46guy):
"I'm curious where others draw the line on new partners with exactly when to use condoms and when not to ..."

For my V to open long enough to become an N, the new person would have to be very trustworthy. And I suppose we'd all four get tested. After that it would depend what if anything any of us tested positive for. I'm sure the ideal (for us) would be not to have to use condoms, but you know, if (for example) someone tested HIV positive, well ... that's pretty serious.
 
I don't kiss or give unprotected oral sex when I have a cold sore or feel like I might be getting one.

This was/is my strategy. I thought it was good. I thought because MrS never had a cold sore (after 20+ years with) that it was good enough. Then Dude got his first cold sore after being with me...and now Lotus has HSV-1 in the genital region.:(

I also have had HPV in the past so we got Lotus vaccinated...you do the best that you can.
 
I also have had HPV in the past so we got Lotus vaccinated...you do the best that you can.

Part of the problem, I think, is that many gps and family doctors have outdated information. Or, the recommendations aren't clear. I was HPV +. When Snow & I were together, her doctor was aware of my status (and presumably Blue's since he was with me.) Her family doctor told her she did not need to be vaccinated. That due to her age (late 30s at the time), she'd likely already contracted it and not to worry about it... plus he said female to female transmission was much less likely since we didn't share toys. Never mind that Blue was with both of us! She hasn't tested pos for it yet, so I'm hopeful. But, I really wish her doctor would have at least considered vaccinating.
 
I wish my wife had a steady boyfriend(s) that were tested and safe. She loves the feeling and I'm not turned off by it at all.
 
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