indierockangel
New member
Hello, I am new here and I am really needing some advice or just some support. My husband and I have been poly for 7 months and I began dating a man in January. He and I have known each other for about 8 years and I fell head over heels pretty much instantly, but I knew he wasn't used to the idea of polyamory and I wanted to wait to tell each other we loved each other, but a few weeks in, he said it and I got caught up and forgot about wanting to wait.
He told me from day one that he didn't want to have other partners because he wanted to "give me his best" and he didn't feel like he could do that while dating someone else and it was amazing at first. He was so attentive and we spent so much time together, but after he said he l loved me, he pulled back. After 4 weeks, he practically disappeared. He went over to a friends house for a week and a half and I only heard from him once or twice a day.
I have diagnosed Major Depression and Anxiety and I screwed up my appointments and was without meds for that week and my anxiety flared up really bad. I had my husband there, but I began to fixate on my boyfriend and freak out about why he wasn't contacting me. After a week and a half, he went home and things were never really the same
He was distant, but when we were together, I felt so freaking happy. I was in love with him and everything was great, we got along so well, everything was perfect. I tried to cope with his distance when we weren't together and I tried to learn about myself and spend time with my husband, it was hard, but I was working on it.
On Monday morning, I was looking through OKC and I found his profile. I panicked because I had asked him a couple weeks ago if he was looking for someone else romantically and he said no.
I confronted him about it that afternoon and asked him to please be honest with me. He lied not once, but twice about it, insisting it had been nothing, but I didn't let up and he finally admitted he wanted to look for someone else because everything was just too awkward with me being married to a friend of his and there was nothing we could do. I told him I was willing to put in the work if he was and he told me "maybe."
I was still holding out hope until yesterday morning, I got an email that he'd messaged the OKC account I was using, which was completely blank. All he said was "hi" but it was like a punch to the throat and I am trying to figure out how to handle this heartbreak and not let it engulf my marriage and everything else.
I know this post is super long and I'm pretty sure no one is going to read it until the end, but all I really want is to hear other people's stories of their first heartbreak in the context of polyamory and proof that I'm not alone and this won't ruin my relationship with my husband who I love so much, but I can't seem to feel anything other than pain.
He told me from day one that he didn't want to have other partners because he wanted to "give me his best" and he didn't feel like he could do that while dating someone else and it was amazing at first. He was so attentive and we spent so much time together, but after he said he l loved me, he pulled back. After 4 weeks, he practically disappeared. He went over to a friends house for a week and a half and I only heard from him once or twice a day.
I have diagnosed Major Depression and Anxiety and I screwed up my appointments and was without meds for that week and my anxiety flared up really bad. I had my husband there, but I began to fixate on my boyfriend and freak out about why he wasn't contacting me. After a week and a half, he went home and things were never really the same
He was distant, but when we were together, I felt so freaking happy. I was in love with him and everything was great, we got along so well, everything was perfect. I tried to cope with his distance when we weren't together and I tried to learn about myself and spend time with my husband, it was hard, but I was working on it.
On Monday morning, I was looking through OKC and I found his profile. I panicked because I had asked him a couple weeks ago if he was looking for someone else romantically and he said no.
I confronted him about it that afternoon and asked him to please be honest with me. He lied not once, but twice about it, insisting it had been nothing, but I didn't let up and he finally admitted he wanted to look for someone else because everything was just too awkward with me being married to a friend of his and there was nothing we could do. I told him I was willing to put in the work if he was and he told me "maybe."
I was still holding out hope until yesterday morning, I got an email that he'd messaged the OKC account I was using, which was completely blank. All he said was "hi" but it was like a punch to the throat and I am trying to figure out how to handle this heartbreak and not let it engulf my marriage and everything else.
I know this post is super long and I'm pretty sure no one is going to read it until the end, but all I really want is to hear other people's stories of their first heartbreak in the context of polyamory and proof that I'm not alone and this won't ruin my relationship with my husband who I love so much, but I can't seem to feel anything other than pain.