Norwegianpoly
New member
Husband and I planned kids a long time ago, actually what stopped us was my health at the time. Since, I have managed to crawl myself out of that rabbit hole, we moved to a bigger flat and we are turning our economy around. And I met another, beautiful man almost 3 years ago, he lives in another country but we want him to move here, he also wants this and we have a plan for how we can make it happen (we want to get him on a temporary work visa next year).
Yesterday husband and I had a talk and decided that we want to TTC in 6 months time. By then, we will have saved up a bit and I can work on my health even more. I have been to pregnency preperation before, so I know the steps to take to make it likely that I am healthy and have a healthy baby.
My concern is, how do I raise the issue with my other partner? He has been my other primary ever since we started dating and I have met his parents etc. We have discussed kids, but that was a while ago, he then said that he wanted to see me pregnant but he was not sure he wanted to be a father himself. Since then, he has sort of flirted with the idea of pregnancy and motherhood, said that all his friends are becoming fathers but him, and so on. He likes children and goes along with them well. We have been through a rough spot but I feel happy about it, we know each other very well and I can see him in the roles of a father or sort of uncle to the baby.
I am happy with either way he chooses to engage. But I want to have a child, I doubt he will oppose but I also dont think he has really thought through was a major change it will be if I become pregnant.
Another thing is, my husband has asked that he will be the biodad of "the first child", as he puts it. I understand his sentiment, but at the same time I find it a bit strange and it would meant that my other partner and I would have to use condoms while at the same time I am trying to get pregnant, and I am not sure I am comfortable with that.
Many big issues... Where do I start? I am very happy with what husband and I have decided, at the same time we can't really "decide" without my other partner! - if he was here we would sit down all three of us. But do I raise the issue with him now, or in six months time? I might stop drinking alcohol and start taking folic acid in 3 months time, I would feel weird not telling him why or asking his opinions on how to prenare. It is part of his life, too.
Also, my parents don't know he exists. I would like to tell them this year, too, but another part of me has this idea that if he got me pregnant, it would be like a closed deal (that is actually how my aunt presented her live-in-boyfriend/life partner to the family).
Yesterday husband and I had a talk and decided that we want to TTC in 6 months time. By then, we will have saved up a bit and I can work on my health even more. I have been to pregnency preperation before, so I know the steps to take to make it likely that I am healthy and have a healthy baby.
My concern is, how do I raise the issue with my other partner? He has been my other primary ever since we started dating and I have met his parents etc. We have discussed kids, but that was a while ago, he then said that he wanted to see me pregnant but he was not sure he wanted to be a father himself. Since then, he has sort of flirted with the idea of pregnancy and motherhood, said that all his friends are becoming fathers but him, and so on. He likes children and goes along with them well. We have been through a rough spot but I feel happy about it, we know each other very well and I can see him in the roles of a father or sort of uncle to the baby.
I am happy with either way he chooses to engage. But I want to have a child, I doubt he will oppose but I also dont think he has really thought through was a major change it will be if I become pregnant.
Another thing is, my husband has asked that he will be the biodad of "the first child", as he puts it. I understand his sentiment, but at the same time I find it a bit strange and it would meant that my other partner and I would have to use condoms while at the same time I am trying to get pregnant, and I am not sure I am comfortable with that.
Many big issues... Where do I start? I am very happy with what husband and I have decided, at the same time we can't really "decide" without my other partner! - if he was here we would sit down all three of us. But do I raise the issue with him now, or in six months time? I might stop drinking alcohol and start taking folic acid in 3 months time, I would feel weird not telling him why or asking his opinions on how to prenare. It is part of his life, too.
Also, my parents don't know he exists. I would like to tell them this year, too, but another part of me has this idea that if he got me pregnant, it would be like a closed deal (that is actually how my aunt presented her live-in-boyfriend/life partner to the family).