Questions From A First Time Unicorn

Whatsername

New member
Hello everyone *waves*

I am new to the site and really hope that this is the appropriate place to post this. I am also really glad to have found this forum!

So I have been in the kink scene for a couple years now by introductiontion from the majority of my friends who were in the scene and have had my whole life turned upside down since discovering it in the most amazing way possible. I am a totally different prsonh, everything is seen with a new perspective and it's wonderful.

So now for my questions. I have a married couple that I've known for a couple years and the three of us have recently started playing. It's great and wonderful and amazing. Everything feels really natural and easy because everyone's super communicative and such.
Well like with all relationships this ones been naturally progressing into more than just play and sex has been mentioned very casually a couple of times over the last few months.

Now the idea thrills me but at the same time, makes me so nervous that I feel as though I want to throw up. I know that they would never force me to do anything I felt uncomfy doing.

Is there anyone who can offer some advice on helping me be braver? Or maybe share some experiences.

I very much would like to go through with this but have so many fears.
Like they both have at least 15 plus years of experience on me. That intimidates the crap out of me. What if they don't like my body? What if there's awkwardness afterwards? What if I freeze up during and ruin the whole thing? It would also be my first three way... So i not only have no idea what i would be doing but absolutely no idea what to even expect.
 
Hi and welcome!

So I assumed when you said you were "playing", that meant some form of sex. (I'm kinky too and consider everything I do with my wife to be sex, regardless of fluids or orgasms or how much a person is clothed or not) I'm guessing that you're just having the jitters and there's nothing to be nervous about. You said that there's great communication, right? Maybe have a sit-down and just discuss your concerns. I'm sure they'll be understanding.
 
Thank you for the reply!
I'm sure they would be understanding. I just feel mighty intimidated by how much of an experience gap there is. And I really don't want to look like a deer in headlights when the time comes.
 
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I'm sure if you're their unicorn, then they want to be with you. Trust me, I bet they're thrilled to have someone cute and fun and eager to play with. ;)
 
@Nycindie - I had actually never heard anything of the term Unicorn in this context before a couple kinky friends had started calling me that after learning what I had been up to.

I just figured using the term got people on the same page. Unicorn as the lucky person who plays with a married couple.

@ilovestrawberries - so im getting all worked up for nothing? Maybe that just means I care more about this because they are special to me?
 
Hello everyone *waves*

I am new to the site and really hope that this is the appropriate place to post this. I am also really glad to have found this forum!

So I have been in the kink scene for a couple years now by introductiontion from the majority of my friends who were in the scene and have had my whole life turned upside down since discovering it in the most amazing way possible. I am a totally different prsonh, everything is seen with a new perspective and it's wonderful.

So now for my questions. I have a married couple that I've known for a couple years and the three of us have recently started playing. It's great and wonderful and amazing. Everything feels really natural and easy because everyone's super communicative and such.
Well like with all relationships this ones been naturally progressing into more than just play and sex has been mentioned very casually a couple of times over the last few months.

Now the idea thrills me but at the same time, makes me so nervous that I feel as though I want to throw up. I know that they would never force me to do anything I felt uncomfy doing.

Is there anyone who can offer some advice on helping me be braver? Or maybe share some experiences.

I very much would like to go through with this but have so many fears.
Like they both have at least 15 plus years of experience on me. That intimidates the crap out of me. What if they don't like my body? What if there's awkwardness afterwards? What if I freeze up during and ruin the whole thing? It would also be my first three way... So i not only have no idea what i would be doing but absolutely no idea what to even expect.

Presumably if you have been playing they have seen your body? Know what your reactions are like? And they still want to go forward with you - and you with them?

The experience gap isn't really a big deal. I'm sure they are aware of your experiences and limits if you have been playing with kink together. However, there is nothing wrong with sitting down at the beginning and saying 'this is what i am comfortable with, this is what I am not comfortable with'. Be honest. If you think you might struggle to articulate, have a look online at the negotiation checklists and have a look at the activities grouped under 'sex'. Be clear about the sorts of things you like, have done before or definitely want to try and have some idea about things that are a definite turn off, or you're not sure yet.

If you think you might freeze up, treat it the same as kink activities. Use your safeword or the traffic light system. And if you do 'freeze up' or need to call a temporary halt to proceedings, then all of you cuddle up and when you feel able to do so, talk about what made you need a time out. Was it something said that stirred an old memory, or was it something unnegotiated or was it you were just thinking too much?

As for expectations, who knows what can happen in these configurations. My experience has been to just go with the flow and see what happens naturally. It seemed much easier for me. I identify as submissive, and in our triad, I identify as the 'bottom' submissive (that means i don't switch or top in any capacity) and therefore when we first got together, sex was very much part of the D/s dynamic. I wasn't required to think or have expectations ;) obviously as things evolve and we get more comfortable and braver, these things change. However you might find it easier to begin sexual activities (however you define them) if they flow out of your play dynamic.

FWIW, the first time I went to play with my now partners, I felt sick as anything. I kept changing my mind about whether I'd go. I worried about my body and how they would react. I'd known them 12 years by then! We were probably about as close as possible without being sexual/play partners! We'd seen each other naked. We'd seen each other play (with other people). And i was still terrified. I can remember the gut churning (unfounded) fear i felt. I took the attitude of bite the bullet and do it anyway. It might be awful. It might be great, but at least I'd know. I haven't looked back since ;)
 
@Nycindie - I had actually never heard anything of the term Unicorn in this context before a couple kinky friends had started calling me that after learning what I had been up to.

I just figured using the term got people on the same page. Unicorn as the lucky person who plays with a married couple.

@ilovestrawberries - so im getting all worked up for nothing? Maybe that just means I care more about this because they are special to me?

Maybe :) Yeah the fact that you feel so strongly about this might indicate that you do really care about them and there's nothing wrong with that.
 
I think it's normal to be nervous about your 'first time' with any new sexual partner, never mind that this is a couple. Me and my GF Nina are in a triad with a guy, Jay, and the first time we all had sex together I was stunned by how NOT weird it felt. The difference here I suspect is that we weren't meeting up with the explicit intention of it leading to sex at all (although we knew how we all felt about one another) and that made what happen later feel like it unfolded rather naturally. Had I been thinking ahead of time that we might go there together, I would undoubtedly be a nervous wreck, but going into that date without expectations was great.

In many ways, sex with three is the same as sex with two. There are some differences though.

1) Expect more awkward positioning of legs, clumsiness, and generally giggling. It's not always elegant and smooth, but it can be wonderful. I enjoy laughing at the convoluted human knots we can tie each other up in immensely.

2) Understand that they are naturally going to have an affinity with one another, know each others turns ons, and know each others bodies, better than you do. Understand that that is ok, and absolutely a good thing. Poor Jay had to contend with two women who need very different types of stimulation to reach orgasm. It helps that he's very into -ahem- learning by observation.

3) The flip side of this is that to them, you are more than likely going to be a whole bundle of excitement and newness and oh-my-god-I-want-her. The danger for THEM is that they pay so much attention to you, that one or other of them feels left out. The danger for YOU is that you might feel disconnected by the strength of their connection. The answer in both cases is just to pause, regroup, take a break, have a chat, and don't continue until everyone is feeling in a good head space again.

It sounds like these guys like you a lot, and you them. That will get you through most hiccups. Good luck!
 
@orangesmartie
Wow! The bite the bullet attitude is really brave! Especially since you were feeling nervous. I fear that my nervousness will ruin the scene.

@ilovestrawberries
:) yah I do care about them and really don't want to let stupid nervousness interfere!

@tenK
Thanks for the advise :)
There's nothing wrong with excessive giggling!

Thank you to everyone who answered! I feel alot better about it!
 
To be honest, there's no way around the nervousness. It won't ruin your scene. As soon as you get going (so to speak) your nervousness will die back a bit and you'll relax a little.
 
Well that's what happens normally when its a one on one scene. But because there's two people paying attention to me its harder... waaay harder to relax. The only time I was truly able to let go was this scene where two of us were blindfolded.
 
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