Hello everyone,
I'm new to this forum in order to start talking to others about certain situations or problems that arise in a polyamorous way of living. Maybe I can give some contribution myself and share my experiences as well.
Right now I could use some advice about the topic of needs.
About my situation:
I'm in a long-term relationship (4.5 years) with the man who first introduced me to the concept of polyamory.
At the time we met he had a lovely partner and they both showed me the positiv aspects of beeing poly and that it filled something that I missed: The possibility to express your love for different people without the feeling of being "ill-intentioned" - like I used to feel in monogamous relationships whenever I developed feelings for another person.
Sadly their relationship ended really bad and we both started focusing on each other.
That went well for a while but we both got to the point that we wanted to express our feelings for others again and started dating.
He is someone I would call a "butterfly hunter" - someone who is drawing his feelings of self-worth mostly from "new" short-term relationships. Of course I can understand that the excitement of a new partner is thrilling and that it makes you feel desirable.
But the point is that I feel that my needs are getting neglected - especially the physical ones like sex.
We only have sex on special occasions like a threesome with a new partner of him, play parties or if I "complain enough".
I tried to tell him many times that I feel neglected and that over this time I got anxious about getting close to him because I feel like I'm forcing him to do something he otherwise wouldn't want to.
I'm more and more feeling like the "everyday wife" - something you take for granted and that is not special in any way. He even supported this feeling by telling me that I'm someone he's accostumed to.
Every now and then I'm feeling this anxiety that I'm not worthy of getting my needs fit in this relationship which I know is very unhealthy.
But right now I don't know what to do...
I love this man and I want to gift him so much - but on the other side I'm getting exhausted of this anxiety and rejection of the things I want to give to him as well as my needs...
I would like to know if someone experienced a similar situation and maybe could give me some advice.
(I apologize in advance for my English - I'm not a native speaker )
I'm new to this forum in order to start talking to others about certain situations or problems that arise in a polyamorous way of living. Maybe I can give some contribution myself and share my experiences as well.
Right now I could use some advice about the topic of needs.
About my situation:
I'm in a long-term relationship (4.5 years) with the man who first introduced me to the concept of polyamory.
At the time we met he had a lovely partner and they both showed me the positiv aspects of beeing poly and that it filled something that I missed: The possibility to express your love for different people without the feeling of being "ill-intentioned" - like I used to feel in monogamous relationships whenever I developed feelings for another person.
Sadly their relationship ended really bad and we both started focusing on each other.
That went well for a while but we both got to the point that we wanted to express our feelings for others again and started dating.
He is someone I would call a "butterfly hunter" - someone who is drawing his feelings of self-worth mostly from "new" short-term relationships. Of course I can understand that the excitement of a new partner is thrilling and that it makes you feel desirable.
But the point is that I feel that my needs are getting neglected - especially the physical ones like sex.
We only have sex on special occasions like a threesome with a new partner of him, play parties or if I "complain enough".
I tried to tell him many times that I feel neglected and that over this time I got anxious about getting close to him because I feel like I'm forcing him to do something he otherwise wouldn't want to.
I'm more and more feeling like the "everyday wife" - something you take for granted and that is not special in any way. He even supported this feeling by telling me that I'm someone he's accostumed to.
Every now and then I'm feeling this anxiety that I'm not worthy of getting my needs fit in this relationship which I know is very unhealthy.
But right now I don't know what to do...
I love this man and I want to gift him so much - but on the other side I'm getting exhausted of this anxiety and rejection of the things I want to give to him as well as my needs...
I would like to know if someone experienced a similar situation and maybe could give me some advice.
(I apologize in advance for my English - I'm not a native speaker )