fluid bonding/bareback

redpepper

Active member
What are your stories of being fluid bonded? What do you think the best way of handling the transition is in terms of other lovers concerns, testing, boundaries? What does fluid bonding mean to you and what does it indicate within your relationship?
 
What are your stories of being fluid bonded? What do you think the best way of handling the transition is in terms of other lovers concerns, testing, boundaries? What does fluid bonding mean to you and what does it indicate within your relationship?

Fluid bonding is pretty critical to us. Lacking it just takes soooooooo much away. For us it's both erotic and intimate which is something we desire in a lover. Actually, it's literally a fetish for us.

We admittedly are more fortunate than many, so we have a bit of luxury in establishing it. Our circle, or network, predominately consists of people who's sexual travels are somewhat more limited, both geographically and culturally. A less risky environment shall we say. However, it's something we get into VERY explicit discussions over right on day one and take what we feel are appropriate precautions. It's worked for us. Never so much as an externally sourced yeast infection yet ! Of course, as I say, were we in a different culture or area, this would likely have to change.
But we need all that fluid ! Bask & bathe in it :)

GS
 
I am really interested in reading others' posts about this. When I started becoming sexual, as a young woman before AIDS and HIV were concerns, I always loved the "sticky" aspect of sex -- all our fluids intermingling on our bodies, tasting, touching -- such a turn-on! Then, during the late 80s and '90s, before I was married, condoms were such the norm and understood to be a requirement, not something to balk at. I didn't like it as much but really never had a problem with anyone not wanting to wear one, or keeping their hard-on. Recently, however, I am finding it odd that two men I've been with have been reluctant to wear them (but they did), and going a bit soft when it went on. I would think guys would be used to it by now, and would want to be more vigilant, with everything we know nowadays. Of course, I'm solo and just starting off in these relationships. So, I'm curious how it is handled when you transition to fluid-bonded status. I understand there must be a huge amount of trust involved. And reliable birth control. Sorry, I think I'm rambling a bit.
 
Condoms were never a big part of my life and never one that I liked. Keep in mind I was only with one sexual partner from the age of 19 to 36. I find condoms adversely affect my erection and make it near impossible to orgasm. I also find it more connecting and spiritual to fill my partner when I cum.
Now the other way.... As far as not being fluid bonded with respect to my partner's fluids I am a very oral person. One of the biggest turn ons for me is consuming my partner's excitemnt...juices are everything...more the merrier!
The idea of licking/sucking on a dental damn sounds more frustrating than fun.

I would be very disapointed if I had to take a break from fluid bonding. I don't have sex just for the sake of it.....I'd probably just wait until we could resume fluid bonding.

There is also the aspect of spontaneous sex. I will do it anywhere any time (except in group settings LOL) and can't iimagine needing a condom for everytime I get to penetrate my partner being very easy....or financially wise ;)
 
I didn't know what it is to fluid bond until I met Mono. Except with women that is. All my partners wore condoms. PN and I have always used condoms. I have never been on the pill (which is why old boyfriends wore condoms) and he doesn't want to get snipped, so we carry on perfectly happily. I don't want his cum in me actually. He goes down on me though and trusts that I keep myself healthy. I don't give him blow jobs. Only Mono.

We talk about it in depth at our house as PN is ultra concerned. Its a topic again now that Derby's husband has a girlfriend that is dating a guy who is intimate with quite a few people in our community. The chances of the trickle down of any sexually transmitted issues are rare to nil, but we do talk about this kind of thing anyways. Its important to be aware and tested often just in case. Better to be overly cautious (which reminds me, testing time coming up again soon I think). Some might find it paranoid, but whatever, each to their own. The more we talk about this sticky stuff the better I think. I don't think safe sex is talked about or considered enough actually. I suspect that quite a few people don't engage in safe sex as often as is expected or safe because condoms are not a real turn on for most guys. I too find it surprisingly surprising the lack of acceptance and knowledge.
Mono and I are very fluid bonded. Its important to us and creates a huge amount of closeness and connection. It is indeed a kink for us too. Its actually a large part of why I am fine with restricting my sexual activity to those in my life now. The thought of losing that far outweighs the thrill of new sexual conquests. It just has not been worth it to me. Fluid bonding is a huge reason for me to be poly fi sexually and carry out asexual relationships out side of that.
 
I think fluid bonding is important to me. I think both partners feel it a lot better and it brings them closer at the same time. It's good to get checked for diseases before you go into a sexual relationship with someone. Saying that, I haven't done so yet. But if ever asked to do so, I would do it without even a second thought. There are plenty of perfectly working birth controls better than a condom, so that should never come up as a problem.
 
There are plenty of perfectly working birth controls better than a condom, so that should never come up as a problem.

Don't rule out the option of condoms as birth control. Some women have very bad reactions to other forms of birth control. What was fine even 5 years ago can all of a sudden cause serious problems as the hormones try to trick our bodies.
 
Don't rule out the option of condoms as birth control. Some women have very bad reactions to other forms of birth control. What was fine even 5 years ago can all of a sudden cause serious problems as the hormones try to trick our bodies.
Worked for me for over twenty years.
 
I have never really been big on condom use either, I discovered back in high school, when my husband and I were still fuck buddies, that I have an allergic reaction to most spermicidal lubricants. This isn't to say that we didn't use them, but it was never pleasant afterwards, but I was dating 2 other guys and sleeping with at least one of them so we wanted to be careful but once I realized that I was falling for him and sent the other guys packing, bare back became the norm, especially once I was on birth control. I've had an IUD for the last 6 years, so the couple of experiences I had with other guys, in the context of foursomes, did not involve condoms, but they also didn't involve fluid bonding, as the males would always cum in or on their primaries.

With my boyfriend there was no work up to fluid bonding, we'd set the boundary at oral only and so our first intercourse caught us completely off guard and left us reeling, at how powerful the connection was, the fluid bond and how right it felt, but also at the realization that we'd crossed the boundary, broken the rules, and now had to tell our spouses/ primaries what had happened. Thankfully it all worked out in the end, because I can't imagine not having that connection with him.

Within our quad there is no condom use, though the unspoken rule is that if there is a potential to have sex with anyone outside the group you must use protection.
 
Don't rule out the option of condoms as birth control. Some women have very bad reactions to other forms of birth control. What was fine even 5 years ago can all of a sudden cause serious problems as the hormones try to trick our bodies.
Yes. But it's always good to try out those methods with higher success rate. Medical science will always become better as time goes on too. =] I would use a condom as a last resort of birth control. But for disease control, I'd be more comfortable with no sex at all.
 
<snip> Within our quad there is no condom use, though the unspoken rule is that if there is a potential to have sex with anyone outside the group you must use protection.
I think that should be quite an important, spoken out directly rule. Especially where disease or pregnancy could happen, it could change your life.
 
Condoms take you out of the mood, from "sexy thoughts" to "oh yeah you can die from this".

I'm new to this term 'fluid bonding', but I'm the same I think, I prefer it that way. Just get your partners tested for diseases and don't have sex with people you can't trust. Not that hard is it, no pun... ;)
 
For me, condoms were/are mandatory.

I already have HSV-2, so protecting the *other* is more important even though W's never shown any symptoms.

But in terms of him with others - pregnancy was/is my main concern. I want more kids. I want to have another baby with him. And he's said no repeatedly. He's done.

Impregnating another would be a deal breaker for me. Not that it would happen on purpose - but birth control fails.

So for us - bareback is between only us. No one else.
 
Impregnating another would be a deal breaker for me. Not that it would happen on purpose - but birth control fails.
That is an interesting thought. I don't know how I would respond to pregnancy. PN has had two female loves in our time together (12 years of poly). I haven't considered it once! I know that one of the women wanted children badly as her other partner was snipped. She actually dated Derby's husband for a time also and Derby and him were very concerned about her motives... I hadn't thought of them, as I know PN is very careful and is in no way interested in more kids.

If it happened I would be beside myself with anxiety, hurt, sadness and fear, but I would get through it. I would do everything I could to be a part of the babies life I think. I would want LB to know his sibling... what would be hard for me is that I would have no control over if that would be realistic or not. I would not be the mummy and my values could very well different than the mothers. Again, I think PN would pick someone with similar values to us and that would fit with our life as we would with them. We don't bother with trying people out any more as we have wasted time and have learned a lot by now... usually nothing happens fast and by the time he even has sex with someone there has a been a TON of preparation and production before he has decided that she is the one to give to and give himself to.
 
I think that should be quite an important, spoken out directly rule. Especially where disease or pregnancy could happen, it could change your life.

Our quad is very tight knit, we know that our partners haven't been with anyone but us in the last 15 years. And neither my husband or myself have been with anyone outside the group for 2 years prior to becoming sexually involved a year and a half ago. The other female in our group was uncomfortable with the thought of my husband sleeping with anyone else, so it's been a non-issue so far, but if it becomes one he's already prepared to use condoms.
 
I somehow managed to make it through my promiscuous high school years disease free ( I slept with older men wich makes it even more amazing to me).

When Karma and I started dating I thought we were monogomus so I didn't push for condoms. I was being tested regularly so I didn't think much of it.

Stupid me.

Fluid bonding is a huge thing for me now. I require condoms, for Karma when he is with anyone but me and for anyone I may date in the future.

I have had cervical cancer due to HPV, as well as pelvic inflamitory and when that is added to all my other medical problems it could be a much faster on set and much harder fight than others have.

I can't risk that again. Karma and I have a huge list of rules when it comes to safe sex. Unfortunately, because of my shorter cervix due to the cancer, condoms hurt me, so whomever I do choose to sleep with, if anyone, will be pretty damn special that I am willing to go through that pain to be with them.


I do believe it is a point of closeness and connection to be fluid bonded. Unfortunately there is no one in our lives I trust in that manner at the moment.
 
I've had condom-free sex with two of my male partners in the past (one of them was my husband) and it was great fun. Currently, I am not fluid-bonded with any of my male partners, and it's also great fun. I suppose I don't put a high emotional value on fluid-bonding as "the ultimate sexual act", but rather on our sexual intimacy as a whole.

So, while the reasons for fluid-bonding can be important (emotional exclusivity, safer sex, etc.) what I find a more interesting question is what OTHER kinds of sexual activities do people find satisfying and fulfilling? After all, there are so many ways to be sexual and to express intimacy and love with our bodies other than the simple (and rather unimaginative) exchange of body fluid via the penis-in-vagina (or possibly other orifices) sex act.

To address one important aspect of this the topic more directly, I've noticed that my younger male lovers (20's and early 30's) all seem to be much more comfortable with condom use than my older male lovers (40's and upwards). I wonder if this is due to a different safer sex education experience (post-AIDS) or if there are other cultural differences at work?

I personally would NEVER accept the "I can't get it up with a condom on" excuse from a partner. A former partner used that as an excuse to break a fluid bond agreement and it resulted in me mistrusting him (for a good reason, since he promptly contracted an STI). A little lube inside the condom and practice masturbating with one on can work wonders, as well as knowing that you're helping protect the people you love by wearing one. Female condoms may also be helpful in this situation (they work quite well, I can assure you).

I had the very awesome experience of giving an "eroticizing safer sex" workshop at a poly camp several years ago in WA and it was a great way to get people talking, brainstorming and sharing alternative ideas for incorporating sexual health creatively into our polyamorous sexual activities.
 
I personally would NEVER accept the "I can't get it up with a condom on" excuse from a partner. A former partner used that as an excuse to break a fluid bond agreement and it resulted in me mistrusting him (for a good reason, since he promptly contracted an STI). A little lube inside the condom and practice masturbating with one on can work wonders, as well as knowing that you're helping protect the people you love by wearing one.

I don't know your story. But, both things could be true. Your partner could have had real trouble staying hard with a condom AND had the misfortune of that coming back to bite him (and, you potentially).

Treating it as if it's not a real problem is not helpful (sorry if that's not how you feel - just taking that from the language of "excuses"). That doesn't mean, however, that you have to simply accept it and have sex without a condom.

I have over periods of my life not been able to stay hard with a condom. It becomes a frustrating dance of - "take it off, masterbate or whatever, get hard, condom on, go soft... rinse and repeat until your patience or time runs out." My guess is that during those times, there was a real physiological cause (could by mental too, I suppose). But, those two periods in my life have given me real sympathy for this as a problem.

Men, of course, can use it as an excuse because it does not feel the same and they prefer bare exclusively. That's a probelm too. Just a different one.

I personally have sampled nearly every condom made to make this less and less of an issue. For me, condom choice has made the most difference. Most everything else didn't work (including lube in the condom).

Even now, when it's much less of a problem, I will choose most often not to have sex (at least penetration), if my preferred condom is not available.
 
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I certainly have compassion for your situation, MindfulAgony, and didn't mean to imply that it wasn't a real problem. This is why I suggested female condoms (you might want to check out this option). My point was that, for someone who feels they cannot have sexual intercourse using a male condom, indiscriminate sex without one is NOT an acceptable solution.
 
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