What is bisexuality?

In Men in Groups, Lionel Tiger used the term "homosexual" to refer to groupings that consist of one gender -- such as most sports organizations.

For years, I've wondered how it is that many men seem to have very close "buddy" relationships with other males, yet no female friends worth the term. To me, this seems as though it requires a perpetuation of groupthink, & maintains a gulf between the genders.

It's not much of a stretch to say that straight men are free to form lasting love relationships (albeit nonsexual) with other men, but are barred from any emotional closeness to women, with the possible exception of wife/girlfriend & Mom.

I've heard that (as Sheff alludes to) "the gay community" isn't particularly interested in forming deep bonds with other men, & sees sex as a pastime, an itch to be scratched then forgotten. Most of the gay men I've known, though, are affectionate without endlessly chasing after sex; no guess as to WHY but I'll admit to my bias.

IME, men spend too much time & effort jockeying for dominance & superiority; it's refreshing to hang out with guys who are secure enough that at most they play these games for amusement. While not an overwhelming majority, most of my close friendships have been with women.
 
In Men in Groups, Lionel Tiger used the term "homosexual" to refer to groupings that consist of one gender -- such as most sports organizations.

For years, I've wondered how it is that many men seem to have very close "buddy" relationships with other males, yet no female friends worth the term. To me, this seems as though it requires a perpetuation of groupthink, & maintains a gulf between the genders.

It's not much of a stretch to say that straight men are free to form lasting love relationships (albeit nonsexual) with other men, but are barred from any emotional closeness to women, with the possible exception of wife/girlfriend & Mom.

I've heard that (as Sheff alludes to) "the gay community" isn't particularly interested in forming deep bonds with other men, & sees sex as a pastime, an itch to be scratched then forgotten. Most of the gay men I've known, though, are affectionate without endlessly chasing after sex; no guess as to WHY but I'll admit to my bias.

IME, men spend too much time & effort jockeying for dominance & superiority; it's refreshing to hang out with guys who are secure enough that at most they play these games for amusement. While not an overwhelming majority, most of my close friendships have been with women.

I think that the question of gay men wanting more or less attachment might also be a factor of age. I know more young gay men who are party animals, and just want to get some action...and I know some older gay men who are married, or committed, happily settled into loving domestic longterm relationships. I feel that it is somewhat natural for males to have a desire to "play the field" until they find "the one" and that might transcend which gender they are involved with entirely.

But then, when we're talking gay men, they'd have the additional freedoms of differing social expectations, no chance of impregnating the partner, and a certain likelihood they might also be having sex with a young male who is equally disinterested in bonding.

The bisexual men I've known, however, treated their bisexuality more like a kink than anything. Granted, my sample size on this is VERY small. But the few I've known...it was purely sexual and they were almost repelled by the idea of sharing ROMANTIC connection with another man. So, bisexual, not biromantic.
 
The bisexual men I've known, however, treated their bisexuality more like a kink than anything. Granted, my sample size on this is VERY small. But the few I've known...it was purely sexual and they were almost repelled by the idea of sharing ROMANTIC connection with another man. So, bisexual, not biromantic.

Yeah, it's so sad ... for bi-romantic (a.k.a., bi-amorous) me like myself. The problem is just as bad with so-called "gay" men, most of whom (at least in my neck of the woods) are all about sex and not about connecting emotionally (etc.). I have discovered that I'm quite a rare breed (at least where I live).

I'm in a happy 20 years long relationship with another man. Still, I'm not cut out for lifelong monogamy -- and have no interest in sex with strangers or folks I'm not really connecting with in other ways than in the sack. :(

... and most women aren't interested, either -- mostly because I have a guy partner, I suppose.
 
I actually think that I am biamorous more than I am bisexual. My female partners are a very small percentage of my overall partner count, but there have been a few. However, I do form romantic emotional crushes and adorations of women relatively easily. I have felt romantically "in love" with most of the women I've been sexual with.

Same here. I've had way more relationships with men, probably because men offer themselves to me far more often than women. I'm very quick to feel the sexual spark with an attractive man, while it takes a very strong connection for me to want to get sexual with most women, but when I do feel it....wow. I seem to fall in love with women harder than with men, it's easier to make that emotional and romantic connection.
 
About 2 years ago my then-13-year-old said to me, "Mom, I think I'm bi." I asked her back, "Do you think, or do you know?" She said, "I know I am bi."

I have suspected and felt she was somewhere on the queer spectrum since she was very young. It's just the way people are wired, to answer the OP. Sometimes I think as adults we complicate things, overthink things. She's wired that way to be attracted to males and females.

Now that she has become an active member of the queer teen community, she has revised her definition to say she is pansexual. That took some explaining to me-- basically she's been attracted to males, females, and anyone in-between and beyond, and is open to having a sexual relationship with any of the above. It's purely about physical attraction, although she emphasizes she would also have to love or at least like the person.

To contrast this, I am in love with LP (see my sig). We are both straight women. We kiss, we cuddle, we love each other, we hold hands and cuddle and kiss in public sometimes. If you saw us you would think we were in a sexual relationship, but we are not. We are emotionally in love, but we are not sexually attracted to each other at all, nor to any other women. We have both explored bi in the past with other women and both came to the same conclusion: we are both straight.
 
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It Should Only Matter to You...

Why should it truly matter what term we use? I'm a man who was married to another man for 10 years (together for 11) until he died unexpectedly. I am now with a woman who is both bi and poly. Labels like "bisexual" can be appropriate for your own self-identification, but what do they truly mean to others? My girlfriend knows of my physical attraction to both genders and doesn't care, and that's what is important to me. I want my partner to understand that I am attracted to both genders but am interested in forming an emotional and spiritual connection with someone as opposed to just having sex. Sometimes my friends mistake my bisexuality for wanting to sleep with lots of people, and that just isn't the case. For me, it's about the hearts and not the parts.

I identify myself as bisexual, but I always explain that I am an individual and have my own way of being sexually attracted to someone. Everyone is different and should be treated individually.

No matter how you identify, the only person it should truly matter to is you. If you aren't comfortable with a label, don't use one. There's no reason you should have to identify yourself with a label, and you should only have to discuss your sexuality with potential partners.
 
Why should it truly matter what term we use? I'm a man who was married to another man for 10 years (together for 11) until he died unexpectedly. I am now with a woman who is both bi and poly. Labels like "bisexual" can be appropriate for your own self-identification, but what do they truly mean to others? My girlfriend knows of my physical attraction to both genders and doesn't care, and that's what is important to me. I want my partner to understand that I am attracted to both genders but am interested in forming an emotional and spiritual connection with someone as opposed to just having sex. Sometimes my friends mistake my bisexuality for wanting to sleep with lots of people, and that just isn't the case. For me, it's about the hearts and not the parts.

I identify myself as bisexual, but I always explain that I am an individual and have my own way of being sexually attracted to someone. Everyone is different and should be treated individually.

No matter how you identify, the only person it should truly matter to is you. If you aren't comfortable with a label, don't use one. There's no reason you should have to identify yourself with a label, and you should only have to discuss your sexuality with potential partners.

I think it boils down, for me, to the fact that I ENJOY discussing sexuality (mine, and the subject in general) with anyone who is willing to discuss it with me. It's not a question of whether it matters, I just want to. Why not? I see labels as helpful language-tools, but I try to be careful not to let them be too limiting. And I truly resist pressure from anywhere to live my life any certain way because of them.

In the living of my life, I'm more "go with the flow" and do what feels right in whatever phase of existence I find myself in. I have nothing to prove. If I am more straight and mono than not, because that's what works right now, then fine. I don't feel like I'm betraying my label. I know myself. My partner knows me. If flowing in a different direction becomes right one day, I might do that. I'm a work in progress over here; I enjoy the journey without fretting the destination.
 
Discussing sexuality

I enjoy discussing sexuality in general and with potential partners. Sex is a fun subject that is far too often left out of conversation.
 
Why should it truly matter what term we use? I'm a man who was married to another man for 10 years (together for 11) until he died unexpectedly. I am now with a woman who is both bi and poly. Labels like "bisexual" can be appropriate for your own self-identification, but what do they truly mean to others? My girlfriend knows of my physical attraction to both genders and doesn't care, and that's what is important to me. I want my partner to understand that I am attracted to both genders but am interested in forming an emotional and spiritual connection with someone as opposed to just having sex. Sometimes my friends mistake my bisexuality for wanting to sleep with lots of people, and that just isn't the case. For me, it's about the hearts and not the parts.

I identify myself as bisexual, but I always explain that I am an individual and have my own way of being sexually attracted to someone. Everyone is different and should be treated individually.

No matter how you identify, the only person it should truly matter to is you. If you aren't comfortable with a label, don't use one. There's no reason you should have to identify yourself with a label, and you should only have to discuss your sexuality with potential partners.
I like your post, and I am sorry for the loss of your husband.
 
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