Florida

I agree with all that was said.
In my 2 simple posts i merely stated the fact that my wife and I are looking for a female, basically pointing out that we are looking to create a triad with me (male) as the hinge.
My second comment was written a while afterwards, after a few months of me dating on my own and realizing that almost all the women i met (yes, dating separately) preferred to keep it on a "play date" rather than actually trying to establish a relationship outside the bedroom.
Did i meet the wrong women? you bet, otherwise i will not have to post these comments :)
Did i go by the hints and suggestions made on this great forum? you bet again, before my wife and i started this journey we talked alot about the who/how/when etc, and i give lots of credit to this site for guidance.
Poly relationship is new to my wife and I so it is a learning experience and my posts merely reflect my current experiences.
If there are any suggestions by ladies here about helping us go the right way, we will be happy to listen, we want this to succeed and would love to know how to make it happen.
 
I agree with all that was said.
In my 2 simple posts i merely stated the fact that my wife and I are looking for a female, basically pointing out that we are looking to create a triad with me (male) as the hinge.
My second comment was written a while afterwards, after a few months of me dating on my own and realizing that almost all the women i met (yes, dating separately) preferred to keep it on a "play date" rather than actually trying to establish a relationship outside the bedroom.
Did i meet the wrong women? you bet, otherwise i will not have to post these comments :)
Did i go by the hints and suggestions made on this great forum? you bet again, before my wife and i started this journey we talked alot about the who/how/when etc, and i give lots of credit to this site for guidance.
Poly relationship is new to my wife and I so it is a learning experience and my posts merely reflect my current experiences.
If there are any suggestions by ladies here about helping us go the right way, we will be happy to listen, we want this to succeed and would love to know how to make it happen.

You mention wanting a relationship where you are the hinge...this is not a triad in the sense most people define it. It seems you are looking for a V, where your wife has no physical or emotional relationship with your partner. Does this sound right? You are Poly and your wife is Mono, or both Poly? Sorry for the questions, just trying to clarify to get you more responses.

As far as you having no luck with the ladies...are you being completely honest from the start? Have you tried using Poly friendly dating sites or going to a Poly meet up?
 
Yes, you are correct.
It's a V with me as a hinge.
Yes, we are honest from the get go, stating the fact that we are married and she is straight (so no triad in the sexual meaning) and she is also mono while i'm poly.
Yes, we have been trying different sites, from basic dating sites to swingers sites as well as sites geared towards poly relationships and the obvious meeting people in real life, not online, by attending and participating in poly and swingers groups :)

And it is not that i/we have no luck with the ladies, i get lots of interest, it's that we are unable to find the "right one" yet.
My posts was a statement saying that it seem in my area (SE Broward County) the women we meet seem more interested in just a few flings or a one night stand, than they are in a LTR, that is all :)
We have not given up, we are full speed forward, just posted my local observations :)
 
Yes, you are correct.
It's a V with me as a hinge.
Yes, we are honest from the get go, stating the fact that we are married and she is straight (so no triad in the sexual meaning) and she is also mono while i'm poly.
Yes, we have been trying different sites, from basic dating sites to swingers sites as well as sites geared towards poly relationships and the obvious meeting people in real life, not online, by attending and participating in poly and swingers groups :)

And it is not that i/we have no luck with the ladies, i get lots of interest, it's that we are unable to find the "right one" yet.
My posts was a statement saying that it seem in my area (SE Broward County) the women we meet seem more interested in just a few flings or a one night stand, than they are in a LTR, that is all :)
We have not given up, we are full speed forward, just posted my local observations :)

A "V" is a more commonly workable configuration than a triad; so, when meeting poly-experienced ladies, definitely use "V" and not "Triad." Most experience poly ladies will run screaming for the hills at the use of the latter word (understandably). A few other thoughs/questions:

-Do you guys insist on a "kitchen table" poly? Not that this is bad--I prefer this myself, though don't insist on it--but it does limit your dating pool. Many metas prefer not to interact.

-What is your age? For women of child-bearing year, that can be a factor. If they're looking for a nesting partner to have children with, and you are married, that could be a LTR deal-killer. Even if you're willing to have children and/or be " equal," if you're legally married, there are some implicit disadvantages for the incoming lady that are difficult (and, depending where you are at, sometime impossible) to overcome. There's not much you can do about that, it's just something to keep in mind if it applies.

-Are there rules coming from you and your wife that impact your relationship with other partners? Things like "You can't do X, or Y, or feel X, or Y, etc?"
 
GreenAcres, yes, you are correct on the V vs Triad.
We are a V!
We do not insist on kitchen table kind of relationship but we do let them know that we are Okay with it as well (having vanilla times together and intimate times separately).
Thanks for the tips, i will keep those in mind as i approach future potential dates :)
No, we do not have any 'restricting' rules except an overnight stay, i do not stay over night at a lady's house, but she is welcome to stay over night at our house.
It did not seem to be a problem until now so i don't see it as the reason.
I do have to agree on your point of "child bearing age women", this sounds more plausible to me.
Maybe i should start looking for older women?.. lol

Thanks for all your tips and suggestions...
 
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GreenAcres, yes, you are correct on the V vs Triad.

No, we do not have any 'restricting' rules except an overnight stay, i do not stay over night at a lady's house, but she is welcome to stay over night at our house.
It did not seem to be a problem until now so i don't see it as the reason.
I do have to agree on your point of "child bearing age women", this sounds more plausible to me.
Maybe i should start looking for older women?.. lol

Thanks for all your tips and suggestions...

Sounds like you are on the right track! It is an unfortunate truth that often married men generally have a more challenging time than women in poly, so some of what you're experiencing may just be that dynamic.

I will say the no-overnights rule would be a problem for me, and most of the women I know, in an LTR. I don't necessarily like spending intimate times in my meta's home--it makes me feel more like an accessory or guest than a lover/partner. It can also be really exhausting, because I have to be socially "on" the entire time, which puts a damper on intimacy. I can't be myself, do my thing, develop routines with my partner that are comfortable and unique to us, etc. If I've had a long day at work, I can't just come home, flop into jammies, and have my partner over for snuggles/sex/whatever: I have to get all my stuff together for an overnight, travel to your place, and then conform to your space (which is built around the needs of someone else, not me, so it's more difficult to do self-care). This also means I feel at the whim of meta--if he/she doesn't like me, then overnights become impossible; so, I have to stay in his/her "good graces," and also accept and conform to any rules/expectations in the home. Plus,, unless they're gone a lot, there's no real alone time.

And, honestly, I probably wouldn't bother saying any of this to a new-ish partner, I would just move on, because the rule itself says a good bit about how I can expect the relationship to progress (or not).

I am not saying you can't have this rule. It's just something that will, again, shrink your dating pool. There are women who may be fine with it, but many will not. It's worth thinking about why this particular rule is in place. There may be really good reasons for it: child care, psychological support for partner's issues (but only if they're also actually dealing with those issues), physical constraints for yourself or partner that make certain tasks difficult without someone else present, etc. Or, it may be couple privilege, and a way of trying to limit other relationship. Either way, it's good to know, so it can be dealt with up-front with everyone involved.
 
I definitely understand your point and i can see how the no overnight rule can cause a hesitation on some level to some women.
We usually do not discuss it unless the relationship goes further than just a couple of dates or if it is brought up by the meta.
I always stress that those rules are flexible on the long run because no rule can be made to control and manipulate feelings, so the rules are basically always up for negotiation when all parties agree.
In our case, the no overnight rule is due to wife need to be near me when going to sleep.
Even when she travels on business and i can not join her, she have a very hard time falling and staying asleep, so i will not do anything that will put her in an uncomfortable situation, but i do understand your point on this and this is something that obviously we will have to work on :)
 
I definitely understand your point and i can see how the no overnight rule can cause a hesitation on some level to some women.
We usually do not discuss it unless the relationship goes further than just a couple of dates or if it is brought up by the meta.
I always stress that those rules are flexible on the long run because no rule can be made to control and manipulate feelings, so the rules are basically always up for negotiation when all parties agree.
In our case, the no overnight rule is due to wife need to be near me when going to sleep.
Even when she travels on business and i can not join her, she have a very hard time falling and staying asleep, so i will not do anything that will put her in an uncomfortable situation, but i do understand your point on this and this is something that obviously we will have to work on :)

It's good that you and your wife are flexible as relationships progress. It sounds like she could benefit from some therapy regarding this, for her own sake (regardless of poly). Many things could happen in life that may leave her sleeping by herself (you get into an accident and are hospitalized or...and this happens...pass on, for example). If she can't do self-care in those situation, it's bad for everyone involved. What did she do about sleeping alone before you?

I am curious: does this mean that, even if another GF is okay staying at your house, you never get to stay in her bed?
 
LOL,
No, she can sleep alone just fine but it takes her longer to fall asleep, it's a mental dependency, since my role in the family is the 'protector', she is much more at ease and comfortable when i'm around.
She goes to bed before i do (i do tuck her in) but i go to bed late, she falls asleep just fine as long as i'm in vicinity (living room etc...), it's when i'm out of the house that she is less comfortable, even when i travel on my own is the same story.
We have 4 dogs, so they definitely help keeping her company and companionship even if i just work late, so it's not too much of an issue.
I do believe that with time and when my primary and my meta will feel comfortable with each other, the sleep over rule can be removed.
Thank you for your interest and suggestions :)
 
we would love to know more about you

Hi, I'm also single and looking for a sexy poly couple, just sick to death of one night stands and looking for something more long term. I find guys to be really too aggressive on their own and would rather she and I get to know each other first. I live in Cocoa Beach, just off A1A and the causeway near the massive Ron Jon's

Amy




We are looking to meet a girl like you we would love to get to know you more we are both 25 we live in boca send us a message we can email text etc hope to hear from you
 
Sigh

Were in Orlando and I hope this is not a lost cause.... Looking for our long term friend. Were a hippie like couple...
 
Florida Panhandle

Hi. I'm Jason. Married and in a mono-poly relationship. We recently moved to a small town on the Florida panhandle near Panama City Beach and Destin. I'd love to make some new Florida friends. Hoping to find a relationship along the way. It being in a small town hasn't made that easy. We moved from Phoenix where poly-folk were abundant, to Indianapolis where the crowd was a bit smaller but still easily accessible, and finally to small town Florida where it feels like I'm the only one. Working the patient angle and hoping for the best. :)
 
My wife and I are in Tallahassee; we lived here from 2010-2014, then went overseas for a couple of years and are now back here, at least for now. Anyone else in or around Tallahassee here?
 
Florida! Gainesville & Orlando

Hey Floridians!

I'm from Orlando, living in Gainesville, going back and forth between the two while I finish my degree.
22 straight male and a poly newbie. I'm looking for a non-monogamy group or some friends, to talk to some like-minded people and find my way into the community.
Eventually looking for a poly relationship, but I acknowledge I have some learning to do.
 
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Noob couple looking for friends in Tampa area

We are a fun loving couple, whom are both new to the poly scene, and the Tampa area. We are looking to make new friends that can guide us as we start our poly journey.
 
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