eveningkiss
New member
Hello! This may get long but I think it is important to have a little background on my situation. This is my disclaimer. I don't want anyone to take offence to anything as I am just staying the facts and everyone is entitled to their personal preferences in life be it personality style or body type.
My husband and I have ben together for almost 8 years. When we first started dating we established that polyamory was something we wanted to explore. We started like most couples do..... the fantasy/idea that we wanted a third. I am bi so it fit our comfort level at the time. As our relationship evolved and we started dating we came to the realization that we needed to be more flexible in what we were looking for. I encouraged him when a woman showed interest to pursue the relationship.
Now some things that are relevant to know about my husband. He is very picky. He likes intelligent women. He also is only attracted to slender women. I myself am a very slender woman. Age doesn't really come into play for him. He's reasonable about his wants and needs and knows what does and doesn't work for him.
In every situation he has been in or we have been in together when things turn sexual things just don't work for him. To be more specific he only has problems with the actual physical act of sex with other women. When we've been together everything functions fine with me but when he tries to engage the other woman things just don't work. He has done other types of sexual acts with others and everything is fine.
We talk constantly. We communicate constantly and I have never once left him with an impression that anything that was happening made me uncomfortable. I encourage and support it. I get major compersion. I love sending him off to spend time with others.
Sure we've had little hiccups along the way but they were minor. Things like if you tell me you're going to be home in time to put your son to bed then be home or at least give me a heads up that you wont be. Our solution was don't put any time expectations when you are going out. You get home when you get home. Like I said nothing major. No fits of jealousy.
At first we thought that maybe it was a situational thing. Cute girl, really liked her but when we were together she and I just didn't have sexual compatibility. Considered that was why things didn't work for him. So we figured maybe it was because I wasn't all that into it. It may be important to note that he played with her without me too. Things worked enough but he said it was a struggle.
Next time. Cute enough girl. We liked her personality and she and I had great sexual chemistry. We were having a blast. Once again when it came to him and her things just didn't work. So this time we figured maybe he wasn't all that physically attracted to her.
Now take me out of the equation. He has a girlfriend. She is just his type. There should be no reason things don't work. I send him off with a kiss, tell him to have fun and be ready to give me all the juicy details. I really enjoy hearing about the time he spends with her. They had fooled around before and things were good. Once again when it came time for actual sex. It was a challenge. He told me he had to actually close his eyes and imagine it was me for things to finally work.
He is a thinker. Our best guess is that his brain gets in the way. He was never one to just have sex to have sex. I don't believe he ever in his life had a one night stand. He likes the emotional attachment. He wants to know people. Any suggestions on how to help him move past this? Pills are not an option for him. Things work just fine with me. Also, it is important to note that he doesn't drink or do drugs so those aren't the problem either.
I would love to hear if others have experienced this or if there are any suggestions on ways I can help him or he can help himself.
My husband and I have ben together for almost 8 years. When we first started dating we established that polyamory was something we wanted to explore. We started like most couples do..... the fantasy/idea that we wanted a third. I am bi so it fit our comfort level at the time. As our relationship evolved and we started dating we came to the realization that we needed to be more flexible in what we were looking for. I encouraged him when a woman showed interest to pursue the relationship.
Now some things that are relevant to know about my husband. He is very picky. He likes intelligent women. He also is only attracted to slender women. I myself am a very slender woman. Age doesn't really come into play for him. He's reasonable about his wants and needs and knows what does and doesn't work for him.
In every situation he has been in or we have been in together when things turn sexual things just don't work for him. To be more specific he only has problems with the actual physical act of sex with other women. When we've been together everything functions fine with me but when he tries to engage the other woman things just don't work. He has done other types of sexual acts with others and everything is fine.
We talk constantly. We communicate constantly and I have never once left him with an impression that anything that was happening made me uncomfortable. I encourage and support it. I get major compersion. I love sending him off to spend time with others.
Sure we've had little hiccups along the way but they were minor. Things like if you tell me you're going to be home in time to put your son to bed then be home or at least give me a heads up that you wont be. Our solution was don't put any time expectations when you are going out. You get home when you get home. Like I said nothing major. No fits of jealousy.
At first we thought that maybe it was a situational thing. Cute girl, really liked her but when we were together she and I just didn't have sexual compatibility. Considered that was why things didn't work for him. So we figured maybe it was because I wasn't all that into it. It may be important to note that he played with her without me too. Things worked enough but he said it was a struggle.
Next time. Cute enough girl. We liked her personality and she and I had great sexual chemistry. We were having a blast. Once again when it came to him and her things just didn't work. So this time we figured maybe he wasn't all that physically attracted to her.
Now take me out of the equation. He has a girlfriend. She is just his type. There should be no reason things don't work. I send him off with a kiss, tell him to have fun and be ready to give me all the juicy details. I really enjoy hearing about the time he spends with her. They had fooled around before and things were good. Once again when it came time for actual sex. It was a challenge. He told me he had to actually close his eyes and imagine it was me for things to finally work.
He is a thinker. Our best guess is that his brain gets in the way. He was never one to just have sex to have sex. I don't believe he ever in his life had a one night stand. He likes the emotional attachment. He wants to know people. Any suggestions on how to help him move past this? Pills are not an option for him. Things work just fine with me. Also, it is important to note that he doesn't drink or do drugs so those aren't the problem either.
I would love to hear if others have experienced this or if there are any suggestions on ways I can help him or he can help himself.