Spork
Active member
Life as it stands right now--
Cast of characters:
Me, Spork, 37 year old bi, poly, masochistic, extroverted snarky miniature lady person.
Ex: Old Wolf, 48 year old straight, mono, grouchy pessemistic veteran.
Son1: Ninja, nearly 17, will likely stay with Dad.
Son2: Q, 14, will likely stay with Mom.
My relationships outside of that home:
Analyst: Male 40-ish, lives alone, "boyfriend" person, lover of Fire, and me, friend/meta to Hefe.
Hefe: Male 40-ish, married/lives with Fire, lover also of me, friend/meta to Analyst.
Fire: Female 40-ish, married/lives with Hefe, lover also of me and of Analyst.
^ Poly Quad ^
(My sons have met the above, as they've been in my life a while, but not my Sadist as of yet. Ex has met none of them.)
Zen Sadist: Male, mid-50s, lives alone, my own addition, he and I have our own loosely defined relationship, still lots of NRE there for both of us, he is friendly with the others but not super close.
Everyone (even my ex) knows about everyone, as I do my best to keep things aboveboard and honest. I am the only one who has kids among the above people.
Present situation:
- Informally in agreement with Ex-Husband to not be married anymore as of April 2015, but have not taken legal action to sever marriage due to financial entanglements. Trying to work out all of the consequences before we Do The Thing with the money and the forms and the court. We were together 18 years.
- I still live in the family house but as a roommate, in a room downstairs. We are not as hostile as exes could be, but sometimes it's still challenging. I only do things with my loves elsewhere, do not try to have them visit me.
- I plan to get my own place in the next couple of months and take Q with me. He doesn't get along well with his Dad, and is unhappy in his school and wants to move. Ninja however gets on alright with Dad, and has plans for graduation, college, etc and one more year of school after this one, needs/wants the stability. We plan to have frequent visits back & forth.
- Old Wolf started trying to date even before I really did, but was frustrated to desperation by the OLD scene, and not interested in the kink community (which I fit into very well.) Finally a friend matchmakered him with a woman in TN, and poor life choices have ensued. More on that later.
- I have been gradually getting into the Colorado Springs BDSM/kink scene since June of last year. A few months of reading, learning, going to social activities ("munches", bars, and discussion groups) followed by months since of actually playing at parties and forming a relationship with Zen, which is more S/m than D/s. It's been great for me though. Brings me a lot of therapy and peace. My community, my Sadist, and my poly family, are my support network. After many years of oppression (part of which I did to myself) and unhealthy, toxic relationship behaviors in my marriage, I feel like this has been the sanest thing I've ever done.
I feel very fortunate that Colorado is a no-fault divorce state and they don't really care if either party in a marriage committed "infidelity"...while it is possible that if our divorce went hostile, which I sincerely hope it never does, my ex might attempt to frame my relationship habits as immoral or harmful to our kids, I feel confident in my ability to discuss the situation rationally with all but the most rabidly conservative of court officials. But I don't think it will come to that; we both recognize the benefits of cooperation in contrast with hostility.
I am very "out." Among adults, I am out about my relationship structures as well as my BDSM interests, unless someone expresses a discomfort. My parents and siblings know. Many of my coworkers know. Our "vanilla" family friends know. I don't get any judgment from any of them. Only my ex is sometimes shame-ey about it, and that's mostly due to bitterness and jealousy that surfaces sometimes. When it comes to my sons, I tell them about the relationships that I am in...which, even including Zen, are based on MUCH more than sex...but not the details of my BDSM or sexual stuff, not only because I feel a need to shelter them from it but because they just don't want to know. If they have questions one day, I'll have answers for them.
That's more or less where it's at now....I'll talk more about background, the ex, mistakes made, lessons learned, and why my present partners are so awesome, at another time...
Cast of characters:
Me, Spork, 37 year old bi, poly, masochistic, extroverted snarky miniature lady person.
Ex: Old Wolf, 48 year old straight, mono, grouchy pessemistic veteran.
Son1: Ninja, nearly 17, will likely stay with Dad.
Son2: Q, 14, will likely stay with Mom.
My relationships outside of that home:
Analyst: Male 40-ish, lives alone, "boyfriend" person, lover of Fire, and me, friend/meta to Hefe.
Hefe: Male 40-ish, married/lives with Fire, lover also of me, friend/meta to Analyst.
Fire: Female 40-ish, married/lives with Hefe, lover also of me and of Analyst.
^ Poly Quad ^
(My sons have met the above, as they've been in my life a while, but not my Sadist as of yet. Ex has met none of them.)
Zen Sadist: Male, mid-50s, lives alone, my own addition, he and I have our own loosely defined relationship, still lots of NRE there for both of us, he is friendly with the others but not super close.
Everyone (even my ex) knows about everyone, as I do my best to keep things aboveboard and honest. I am the only one who has kids among the above people.
Present situation:
- Informally in agreement with Ex-Husband to not be married anymore as of April 2015, but have not taken legal action to sever marriage due to financial entanglements. Trying to work out all of the consequences before we Do The Thing with the money and the forms and the court. We were together 18 years.
- I still live in the family house but as a roommate, in a room downstairs. We are not as hostile as exes could be, but sometimes it's still challenging. I only do things with my loves elsewhere, do not try to have them visit me.
- I plan to get my own place in the next couple of months and take Q with me. He doesn't get along well with his Dad, and is unhappy in his school and wants to move. Ninja however gets on alright with Dad, and has plans for graduation, college, etc and one more year of school after this one, needs/wants the stability. We plan to have frequent visits back & forth.
- Old Wolf started trying to date even before I really did, but was frustrated to desperation by the OLD scene, and not interested in the kink community (which I fit into very well.) Finally a friend matchmakered him with a woman in TN, and poor life choices have ensued. More on that later.
- I have been gradually getting into the Colorado Springs BDSM/kink scene since June of last year. A few months of reading, learning, going to social activities ("munches", bars, and discussion groups) followed by months since of actually playing at parties and forming a relationship with Zen, which is more S/m than D/s. It's been great for me though. Brings me a lot of therapy and peace. My community, my Sadist, and my poly family, are my support network. After many years of oppression (part of which I did to myself) and unhealthy, toxic relationship behaviors in my marriage, I feel like this has been the sanest thing I've ever done.
I feel very fortunate that Colorado is a no-fault divorce state and they don't really care if either party in a marriage committed "infidelity"...while it is possible that if our divorce went hostile, which I sincerely hope it never does, my ex might attempt to frame my relationship habits as immoral or harmful to our kids, I feel confident in my ability to discuss the situation rationally with all but the most rabidly conservative of court officials. But I don't think it will come to that; we both recognize the benefits of cooperation in contrast with hostility.
I am very "out." Among adults, I am out about my relationship structures as well as my BDSM interests, unless someone expresses a discomfort. My parents and siblings know. Many of my coworkers know. Our "vanilla" family friends know. I don't get any judgment from any of them. Only my ex is sometimes shame-ey about it, and that's mostly due to bitterness and jealousy that surfaces sometimes. When it comes to my sons, I tell them about the relationships that I am in...which, even including Zen, are based on MUCH more than sex...but not the details of my BDSM or sexual stuff, not only because I feel a need to shelter them from it but because they just don't want to know. If they have questions one day, I'll have answers for them.
That's more or less where it's at now....I'll talk more about background, the ex, mistakes made, lessons learned, and why my present partners are so awesome, at another time...