Polite & Respectful Inquiry??!!

bluu

New member
What is the polite and respectful way to inquire as to whether a couple you are interested in is polyamorous. Strongly suspect they are, burn I️ Donny want to offend anyone or make problems where there are none and woukdn’t Inquire at all except am interetested in them.
 
Hi bluu,

How about, "Can I ask, are you polyamorous?" Short and simple. At least that's what I think.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Well... yeh, Kevin is certainly in the right direction here.

For me, the problem would be the "polyamorous" part. Firstly, most people don't know WTF the word means. :( That'd mean all sorts of explanation that'd most likely be a TOTAL buzzkill.

And if they know the word, they've probably got it wrong anyway. :eek:

Maybe best to cut right to the chase, & put yourself at risk for your values, even if it takes extra syllables: "Hey, look, right now I am finding myself really attracted to both of you. I think that I might like to consider the possibility of being more involved with you & with you, & I hope becoming something long-term."

Right?
 
Thanks.

“Would you mind if I ask out your wife, and by the way, you are welcome to join us if you like,” seems potentially insensitive and a bit presumptuous.
 
Nothing wrong with being polite and respectful. I think it is wise of you to turn to the forum for some ideas on how to approach this.

It sounds like your main interest is with the wife? Correct me if I am wrong.
 
My current interest is more so in the wife, who I have developed a little internet girlcrush on. However, I do know her husband in person.
 
Okay, that makes sense.
 
Say, "Hey i was curious if you two are like completely monogamous or have you ever considered an open relationship before? You seem like sort of nontraditional types, etc."

Adjust to taste.
 
My current interest is more so in the wife... . However, I do know her husband in person.
To me, that sounds like a yellow flag: actually interested in one, but already committing to "buying the package" -- shooting for the very small target of "marriage + 1."

(Sure, decent people don't want to step in as a homewrecker, but if that's an actual concern, then the BEST tack is total withdrawal. "Turning people on to poly" is indeed imposing a major paradigm shift onto them & will certainly change the marriage, quite possibly damaging it.)
 
I think some context on this situation is appropriate at this point, please let me expand the background on this:

I am happily married to a man. Therefore, I do not “need” another bf/husband/male SO for lack of a better way to put it, but my opennes toward this particular male is not a new thing. I have always been attracted to the man. I have worked with him on and off for years and know him well enough to know that he was nonmonogamous prior to being married to the woman.

I also know the female was nonmonogamous in a previous relationship (through conversation with the husband). I have recently developed a very healthy crush on the female lasting a couple of months now. What I am not sure about is whether they are currently monogamous in their marriage and whether she has any interest in women in general or me more specifically or whether he would find my crush/desire for his wife awkward, etc.

If it weren’t complicated, I would not be second guessing how/whether to inquire...

How advice is def appreciated.:)
 
Thanks for adding that background, it helps.

Perhaps you could say something like, "I was wondering, are you guys nonmonogamous? I think I might be interested."

After that it depends on the path of the conversation, so to speak.
 
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