Hi all, I'm new here, but I'm not new to non-monogamous relationships. However, I never sustained a non-monogamous relationship for more than a couple months, and I usually end up in monogamous relationships for the long term.
I've been with my current girlfriend for over 3 years now. When we first met, I wanted a non-monogamous thing for a couple months. Sex was amazing with her, it was perfect and exciting. We moved in, became monogamous, and she basically stopped being passionate about sex, and put me in the "family" box.
In general, she feels guilt enjoying sex, and believes that good sex is supposed to be with people she doesn't really know. I'm a passionate and gentle lover, but she feels sex is degrading and that her companion shouldn't do it to her.
FIRST KEY POINT: She tells me that she senses my insecurity in sex, and she doesn't find that sexy
So recently after a monogamous year, she wants to open up the relationship by seeing other people. I agreed without much of a choice, and I feel it would help build myself up. I figure that if it forces me to build my insecurities, she'll want me again the way I want her to, sexually.
She went out, got drunk, and had a threesome with two guys in my bed, while I'm away taking care of my mom who just went through heart surgery (I know, quite a bad chick right? Kinda love this about her) Of course it has been stressful for me dealing with the new change in our relationship. The emotions are all mixed up, intense, scary, and it has been hard to deal with it.
I'm a naturally jealous, possessive, and insecure guy when it comes to sex and intimate relationships. On the other hand, she's secretive, and scared of sharing details. I think it is because she feels guilty, and insecure that I would leave her.
These are the (2) problems I need help with:
1) I need to be informed of everything she's doing.
But she's being secretive. When I express my concerns about her hiding things, she calls me out on being insecure and tells me it isn't sexy. I feel hurt and like she isn't respecting our relationship, or my feellings. But she claims it is for my own good, to build up myself so she finds me more attractive.
2) We agreed to a set of rules: condoms for every act, no spending lots of money on the partner, telling each other when another partner is in the mix, telling the new partner about our open relationship, no mutual friends.
But she broke many of the rules so quickly. She hooked up with a mutual friend (and his friend), didn't tell me for a week, and most significantly, HAD SEX WITHOUT CONDOMS.
The overarching issue is I am trying to maintain some control in the relationship. I want her to respect the rules, but she is just doing whatever she wants it seems, under the umbrella of "it will fix your insecurities". When I express my concerns (in an insecure way she claims) I get yelled at and I further feel helpless. I feel like I'm sacrificing, but she isn't.
I've been with my current girlfriend for over 3 years now. When we first met, I wanted a non-monogamous thing for a couple months. Sex was amazing with her, it was perfect and exciting. We moved in, became monogamous, and she basically stopped being passionate about sex, and put me in the "family" box.
In general, she feels guilt enjoying sex, and believes that good sex is supposed to be with people she doesn't really know. I'm a passionate and gentle lover, but she feels sex is degrading and that her companion shouldn't do it to her.
FIRST KEY POINT: She tells me that she senses my insecurity in sex, and she doesn't find that sexy
So recently after a monogamous year, she wants to open up the relationship by seeing other people. I agreed without much of a choice, and I feel it would help build myself up. I figure that if it forces me to build my insecurities, she'll want me again the way I want her to, sexually.
She went out, got drunk, and had a threesome with two guys in my bed, while I'm away taking care of my mom who just went through heart surgery (I know, quite a bad chick right? Kinda love this about her) Of course it has been stressful for me dealing with the new change in our relationship. The emotions are all mixed up, intense, scary, and it has been hard to deal with it.
I'm a naturally jealous, possessive, and insecure guy when it comes to sex and intimate relationships. On the other hand, she's secretive, and scared of sharing details. I think it is because she feels guilty, and insecure that I would leave her.
These are the (2) problems I need help with:
1) I need to be informed of everything she's doing.
But she's being secretive. When I express my concerns about her hiding things, she calls me out on being insecure and tells me it isn't sexy. I feel hurt and like she isn't respecting our relationship, or my feellings. But she claims it is for my own good, to build up myself so she finds me more attractive.
2) We agreed to a set of rules: condoms for every act, no spending lots of money on the partner, telling each other when another partner is in the mix, telling the new partner about our open relationship, no mutual friends.
But she broke many of the rules so quickly. She hooked up with a mutual friend (and his friend), didn't tell me for a week, and most significantly, HAD SEX WITHOUT CONDOMS.
The overarching issue is I am trying to maintain some control in the relationship. I want her to respect the rules, but she is just doing whatever she wants it seems, under the umbrella of "it will fix your insecurities". When I express my concerns (in an insecure way she claims) I get yelled at and I further feel helpless. I feel like I'm sacrificing, but she isn't.