Help! Mixing business with pleasure. 3 sad friends.

I think very open and sensitive re-negotiations are in order. People change, relationships change. You might be able to make this work if C can feel safe expressing whatever his fears are.

I know this goes against the grain of what others have said.

Wow the world seems a little off reading this ....I can’t remember the last time you and I agreed on a thread :D:D
 
I guess my point is at the bottom of the messy list there’s going to be a cut off and wouldn’t it be a shame to arbitrarily cut someone off from a spirit / soul expanding experience because they just sleeked onto the formal messy that was in a persons head.

My take here is that if your partner is distressed by a new partner you take, it is messy regardless of what else is there on that list. Either you have everyone on board or you breakoff and do what you like. Whether it is someone's ex or doctor or pool boy is irrelevant. When your relationship is actively causing pain to a partner, it is a clear line screaming "messy". The precedent of his reaction to her being with a man in Ireland would have been enough to warrant some caution on what happens with being involved with a man right under his nose. For that man to be his friend and roommate and business partner.... pretty much forces the relationship in his face. Wasn't that hard to anticipate that a mess would result.
 
I think very open and sensitive re-negotiations are in order. People change, relationships change. You might be able to make this work if C can feel safe expressing whatever his fears are.

Fair or not, I think sharing home and business could prevent C from outright walking out. It could work with a lot of sensitivity. But I'm not so optimistic, given the astounding lack of it so far. If she is in a zone where she feels she shouldn't have to deny herself something that is clearly distressing her partner, it is very, very far from the attitude it would take to help him see positives. As a mono taken for granted by them already, he doesn't have very many to begin with.
 
Important concern here is whether C has any support outside this triangle. Family? Other close friends? If he is "at the end of his rope" AND feels alienated from his upcoming marriage, home, friendship and business, I'd hope he has some form of support/therapy to ensure his well being.
 
My take here is that if your partner is distressed by a new partner you take, it is messy regardless of what else is there on that list. Either you have everyone on board or you breakoff and do what you like. Whether it is someone's ex or doctor or pool boy is irrelevant. When your relationship is actively causing pain to a partner, it is a clear line screaming "messy".

It seems to me every mono guy and women who come here frantic asking for coping advice seems in distress. So instead of telling them to become more emotional mature, less codependent, to get a hobby the advice should tell wife or husband to break it off NOW. Good to know I didn’t see the memo


The precedent of his reaction to her being with a man in Ireland would have been enough to warrant some caution on what happens with being involved with a man right under his nose. For that man to be his friend and roommate and business partner.... pretty much forces the relationship in his face. Wasn't that hard to anticipate that a mess would result.

I think his reaction to Ireland and his reaction to his best friend actively trying to seduce his gf is how this snowballed. There wasn’t or isn’t a clear no go zone and if pushed this guy always caves they both know that. Both meaning N and the op.



ALSO MEMO TO LURKERS : if your bi wife or husband is pushing to open your marriage to explore that other side know that you are effectively “ completely” open . That agreement will be renegotiated in the future 95% of the time.
 
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I guess my point is at the bottom of the messy list there’s going to be a cut off and wouldn’t it be a shame to arbitrarily cut someone off from a spirit / soul expanding experience because they just sleeked onto the formal messy that was in a persons head.

No I don't think it's a shame at all, quite the opposite however I don't think "business partner" or "employee" is an arbitrary line either. In the case of the former, I think it's a bad business decision and in the latter case, the power dynamic (not to mention potential legal issues) makes it difficult for clear consent.
 
My take is that chandra didn't arrive here hoping to salvage the situation, but seeking validation that this is somehow "natural"/"common" polyamory --
I'm trying not to overthink everything. I love C and I really hope it isn't a situation where something amazing has to change because we're not compatible in some way. I can bury it, I think, but I just feel like I shouldn't have to. But obviously :)confused:) he also shouldn't have to feel unhappy about what I'm doing
 
Well, just thought I'd update you all and let you know that we're all doing very well. N and I are seeing each other a few times a week and have developed a really beautiful relationship. C and I have never been better. This whole situation really allowed everyone to sit down and discuss our feelings and really dig deep into our own insecurities and figure out what exactly we want and need from life.

Thanks everyone for your feedback.
 
Hey chandra.

Thanks for updating us ... I'm very pleased to hear that things are working out for you guys. Carry on ...

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hello, that's good to hear. You commented on you and C and you and N but I'm also wondering how C and Ns friendship has been effected?
 
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