I process through things by writing sometimes, and I find myself sometimes easier to analyze when writing in the third person. LOL. This is the story of how I met M, my current emotional secondary relationship, and the beginning of our complicated story. He was the first man I ever kissed after being 'open', and to date, this is the only time we have kissed. Only many hugs since. I have done my absolute best to respect the relationship he was in. The girlfriend referred to is moving out of state this week and that is the end of her and M's relationship. She has been aware of his and my close friendship, but I am not sure if he disclosed this particular event to her, nor have I questioned him about it. It has been a long, complicated road for us, and currently we are at 'extremely close friend' status, and I am giving him time to grieve the end of his relationship with his GF and be supportive as a friend... However, my feelings for him are most certainly love at this point.
Warning: adult themes, a tiny bit of language- PG-13! LOL
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She did not understand what drew her to him. Was it that first dark-eyed sideways glance he cast in her direction as she was shadowing him for the first time? Was it the first time she felt his hand on her shoulder? Or was it the fact that he was a polarizing figure amongst the other doctors in the unit she worked in? She had always challenged herself to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. She looked at him no differently in that respect, but that first night she shadowed him, she saw a spark of interest in his eyes. The way he looked at her was different. At first she could not tell what it was… but soon enough, she realized it was attraction. He joked about her making him look old as they walked towards the ER to see a patient.
She did not look her years and frequently was mistaken for being in her mid-twenties rather than thirty-two. She had long wavy auburn hair, pale blue eyes streaked with a strange rusty hint, and nearly alabaster skin that blushed easily.
He was thirty- eight, and her diametric opposite…dark where she was light. He had deep tan skin and warm, sleepy brown eyes the hue of dark chocolate; his hair was black, but beginning to pepper with a distinguished grey, and he had a mischievous smile that made his features seem boyish at times rather than manly. He was broad shouldered, but neither tall nor short in stature, and looked down upon her more petite frame. He never wore a white coat, but rather just black or grey scrub pants, a t-shirt, and a pullover, so he seemed much more approachable than other doctors most of the time.
The first thing she appreciated about his intelligence was how thoroughly and succinctly he explained things. He was carefully instructional, but never harsh. He never made her feel stupid by making light of the vast precipice of educational difference between them, but made sure she understood the concept and taught her how to recount and teach others. “Teaching is the best way to learn and remember.” He would say often.
Soon there was a natural cadence to their nights of shadowing. They became a working partnership… a well-oiled machine. She knew his preferences for putting in Arterial lines and Central lines… how many flushes to use, what size of sterile gloves he used and that he usually used two pairs, and that he hated relying on an ultrasound for central line placement when he knew he could do it without. No matter the unit they were in, she knew how to assist him and anticipated his needs. He appreciated her diligence and seemed to rely on her memory for patient names, room numbers, and other small details.
On slow nights, they would sit in the doctor’s lounge and talk about family and interests. He asked about her life with her husband, and her young son whose medical issues had inspired her drastic career change. She learned he was a chemistry and math wiz and enjoyed electronica, running, and they nerded out together about movies and tv shows…and so much more. Soon he asked her if she wanted breakfast one morning… so they sat in the doctor’s cafeteria lounge and spent another hour together than usual, laughing together about random silliness… gossiping about people they worked with. Over the next couple of months it evolved into breakfast or drinks together after a shift or night of shadowing. They would flirt incessantly. He had a habit of loosening up after a drink or two and frequently the topic of conversation would drift to relationships or sex.
One morning, after a particularly rough shift, she talked him into coming out to drinks with the rest of the unit. He showed up almost an hour into drinks after finishing his notes. He bought her another drink, then bought four rounds of shots for everyone. The drunker she found herself, the more she leaned against him as he sat next to her at the table. He did not pull away. They shared a couple of shots… and they both stood off to the side, watching their goofy co-workers painfully popping and locking in embarrassing ways. She leaned back against his shoulder, and again, he didn’t move away. They stood, his chest pressed against her back for several minutes, and she swayed her hips to the music slightly, not quite to the point of daring to brush her hips back against him. She saw her co-workers taking note of how they were acting together, but she really did not care and figured most of them wouldn’t remember it anyway once they sobered up.
They ended up being two of the last five people left at the bar around 10 a.m. and while three people sat at another table together (another doctor and two nurses), she sat alone next to him at a table… just the two of them. The talk turned to relationship sob stories, with him first recounting his experience of being in a long distance relationship for years before being cheated on, then she told her own story of having an ex crash her wedding with the woman he had cheated on her with. They laughed. He began walking her out to her car, his arm around her shoulder, and realized she wasn’t safe to drive… and insisted she come back inside. A gallon pitcher and a half later of water, they sobered back up. He insisted she text him as soon as she got home. She did, and later in the day upon waking and realizing how strongly she had come on, she apologized to him. He insisted there was nothing wrong with what she’d done. After a couple days of embarrassment, she was over it and continued to shadow him.
She shared with her husband what had transpired and found him to be excited that she was experiencing a flirtatious attraction and receiving attention. He encouraged her to flirt even more and be open to anything that may happen.
Around the 4th of July that year, she shadowed him a couple nights in a row. They were fast becoming friends… or even something more. It was an incredibly slow work shift, and a warm, windy, beautiful night outside, so he suggested they take a break and get out of the hospital. She suggested the helopad. So they stood for several minutes at the edge, arms propped on the half wall surrounding the vacant parking lot as they overlooked the city square below… with music from a band playing outside somewhere wafting through the wind. They began to talk about his life in Chicago… his hopes for the future… his dreams of owning a place near downtown Chicago… and he pulled up his dream home ideas on his small phone screen. She leaned over his shoulder to look, and huddled up next to him, propping her chin on his arm as he showed her. He leaned even more towards her, not shying away in the least as they talked and ogled the different things they both liked about his dream designs. There was a moment that the warm wind blew, and a pleasant smell filled the air and she found herself shutting her eyes to take in all of the other sensations, the warmth of his shoulder, the breeze, the smell, the sound of his voice.
He stopped talking and looked over at her. She could feel his eyes. “It’s such a beautiful night,” she said softly. She opened her eyes and saw his gaze intent upon her. Slightly embarrassed, but enthralled with the electricity she felt humming between them, she didn’t look directly at him, but rather just past him. He turned his face towards her even more, just inches from hers, his lips parted, his gaze flitting down to her mouth, and she lost her nerve and looked away. It was clear to her at that moment exactly what had almost transpired between them.
Warning: adult themes, a tiny bit of language- PG-13! LOL
_____________________________
She did not understand what drew her to him. Was it that first dark-eyed sideways glance he cast in her direction as she was shadowing him for the first time? Was it the first time she felt his hand on her shoulder? Or was it the fact that he was a polarizing figure amongst the other doctors in the unit she worked in? She had always challenged herself to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. She looked at him no differently in that respect, but that first night she shadowed him, she saw a spark of interest in his eyes. The way he looked at her was different. At first she could not tell what it was… but soon enough, she realized it was attraction. He joked about her making him look old as they walked towards the ER to see a patient.
She did not look her years and frequently was mistaken for being in her mid-twenties rather than thirty-two. She had long wavy auburn hair, pale blue eyes streaked with a strange rusty hint, and nearly alabaster skin that blushed easily.
He was thirty- eight, and her diametric opposite…dark where she was light. He had deep tan skin and warm, sleepy brown eyes the hue of dark chocolate; his hair was black, but beginning to pepper with a distinguished grey, and he had a mischievous smile that made his features seem boyish at times rather than manly. He was broad shouldered, but neither tall nor short in stature, and looked down upon her more petite frame. He never wore a white coat, but rather just black or grey scrub pants, a t-shirt, and a pullover, so he seemed much more approachable than other doctors most of the time.
The first thing she appreciated about his intelligence was how thoroughly and succinctly he explained things. He was carefully instructional, but never harsh. He never made her feel stupid by making light of the vast precipice of educational difference between them, but made sure she understood the concept and taught her how to recount and teach others. “Teaching is the best way to learn and remember.” He would say often.
Soon there was a natural cadence to their nights of shadowing. They became a working partnership… a well-oiled machine. She knew his preferences for putting in Arterial lines and Central lines… how many flushes to use, what size of sterile gloves he used and that he usually used two pairs, and that he hated relying on an ultrasound for central line placement when he knew he could do it without. No matter the unit they were in, she knew how to assist him and anticipated his needs. He appreciated her diligence and seemed to rely on her memory for patient names, room numbers, and other small details.
On slow nights, they would sit in the doctor’s lounge and talk about family and interests. He asked about her life with her husband, and her young son whose medical issues had inspired her drastic career change. She learned he was a chemistry and math wiz and enjoyed electronica, running, and they nerded out together about movies and tv shows…and so much more. Soon he asked her if she wanted breakfast one morning… so they sat in the doctor’s cafeteria lounge and spent another hour together than usual, laughing together about random silliness… gossiping about people they worked with. Over the next couple of months it evolved into breakfast or drinks together after a shift or night of shadowing. They would flirt incessantly. He had a habit of loosening up after a drink or two and frequently the topic of conversation would drift to relationships or sex.
One morning, after a particularly rough shift, she talked him into coming out to drinks with the rest of the unit. He showed up almost an hour into drinks after finishing his notes. He bought her another drink, then bought four rounds of shots for everyone. The drunker she found herself, the more she leaned against him as he sat next to her at the table. He did not pull away. They shared a couple of shots… and they both stood off to the side, watching their goofy co-workers painfully popping and locking in embarrassing ways. She leaned back against his shoulder, and again, he didn’t move away. They stood, his chest pressed against her back for several minutes, and she swayed her hips to the music slightly, not quite to the point of daring to brush her hips back against him. She saw her co-workers taking note of how they were acting together, but she really did not care and figured most of them wouldn’t remember it anyway once they sobered up.
They ended up being two of the last five people left at the bar around 10 a.m. and while three people sat at another table together (another doctor and two nurses), she sat alone next to him at a table… just the two of them. The talk turned to relationship sob stories, with him first recounting his experience of being in a long distance relationship for years before being cheated on, then she told her own story of having an ex crash her wedding with the woman he had cheated on her with. They laughed. He began walking her out to her car, his arm around her shoulder, and realized she wasn’t safe to drive… and insisted she come back inside. A gallon pitcher and a half later of water, they sobered back up. He insisted she text him as soon as she got home. She did, and later in the day upon waking and realizing how strongly she had come on, she apologized to him. He insisted there was nothing wrong with what she’d done. After a couple days of embarrassment, she was over it and continued to shadow him.
She shared with her husband what had transpired and found him to be excited that she was experiencing a flirtatious attraction and receiving attention. He encouraged her to flirt even more and be open to anything that may happen.
Around the 4th of July that year, she shadowed him a couple nights in a row. They were fast becoming friends… or even something more. It was an incredibly slow work shift, and a warm, windy, beautiful night outside, so he suggested they take a break and get out of the hospital. She suggested the helopad. So they stood for several minutes at the edge, arms propped on the half wall surrounding the vacant parking lot as they overlooked the city square below… with music from a band playing outside somewhere wafting through the wind. They began to talk about his life in Chicago… his hopes for the future… his dreams of owning a place near downtown Chicago… and he pulled up his dream home ideas on his small phone screen. She leaned over his shoulder to look, and huddled up next to him, propping her chin on his arm as he showed her. He leaned even more towards her, not shying away in the least as they talked and ogled the different things they both liked about his dream designs. There was a moment that the warm wind blew, and a pleasant smell filled the air and she found herself shutting her eyes to take in all of the other sensations, the warmth of his shoulder, the breeze, the smell, the sound of his voice.
He stopped talking and looked over at her. She could feel his eyes. “It’s such a beautiful night,” she said softly. She opened her eyes and saw his gaze intent upon her. Slightly embarrassed, but enthralled with the electricity she felt humming between them, she didn’t look directly at him, but rather just past him. He turned his face towards her even more, just inches from hers, his lips parted, his gaze flitting down to her mouth, and she lost her nerve and looked away. It was clear to her at that moment exactly what had almost transpired between them.
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