Sailing Solo

I had lovely a lovely meeting and lunch with Kip. We made some plans for my birthday/anniversary, which happen 3 days apart. He was my present to myself :eek: Push the boundaries and delve into the world of open relationships. We rarely seem to discuss relationship items or issues, it is so easy.

I have seen prof twice. Various short discussions of relationship issues, mainly what is happening with S that effects what we do.

1) Could I remove one of my food preference items from my okc profile, as S has been asking why he is buying said item.

2) I get to leave a toothbrush, previously not allowed. He bought it up as I forgot my toothbrush again and he said I could have another new spare and leave it in the holder under the sink. I will not go into the details here, it makes S look super weird.

3) I mentioned that all these rules about minutiae coupled with veto make seeing him an uncomfortable experience sometimes. He agreed, said he would not be happy under similar circumstances, but appreciated that I did not go on about them.

4) S had been questioning his neighbors and female visitors, so we had to be "hyper vigilant about bonus nights". He spoke to her about "spying", this is an on going issue.

5) S is trying to get sleep overs removed from the list of permissible activities. He said he would not allow this to happen and is one thing he will really put his foot down about it.

This did not all happen at one time, he bought up these little snippits now and then during conversation.

At the mention of the no more sleepovers I drew a mental line in the sand in my head. I get that their open relationship rules are really about limiting outside partners to FBs.

Right at the beginning I said I was not looking for that. I am not prepared to do dinner and fuck. He said he wasn't looking for that, he had been up until recently (this was back in March/April) but had decided to cut out the sex partners (about 6 of them) and focus on on or two meaningful relationships. Turning over a new leaf kind of thing.

I did not say last night that the sleepovers would be the last straw, it is up to him to stand firm over it or not. I am not going pressure him. But I did say that their rules are their rules and govern their relationship, not ours. I will respect what he asks me to do in his home and in public and in no way deliberately create waves but neither am I going to let them limit my actions.
His birthday is coming up just after mine, I have a super gift idea and gifts are not allowed under their rules, well phooey to that...burn it in the bbq if you want.

There's a contradiction, not deliberately make waves but go ahead and buy him a gift. Oh crap.

Change of subject. Yo disappeared mid-text scheduling conversation on Saturday with a "BRB". He reappeared yesterday. It was a family medical emergency. Ms Impatient here, was all for cutting him off at the knees.

No plans were finalized to see him this week. I really don't think we should restart the relationship. We are on such different pages.
 
Feeling done with Prof. I can't believe I changed my okc profile to keep an unseen 3rd party happy. I have changed it back. I'm too embarrassed to write about another thing. And if that is the case then I really need to look at what I am doing.

Kip has had the same 3 rules since day one. I agreed to them back then and haven't argued them since.

Prof's goal posts are moving on a regular basis, mainly as S comes up with something new. I thought we were moving towards a weekend away not cancelling overnights entirely. ( and in the beginning he bought up the possibility of vacations, neglecting to mention the one night rule ). I sat in the car the other day in order to avoid meeting one of his neighbours, he must have thought I was rude. I didn't know what to do. So I am changing me to try and avoid the veto for ridiculous infractions that I don't even know exist.

Time to put on my big girl knickers and have a talk. Maybe it will be as simple as not going round to his anymore :(
 
I have a series of assignments to do for class. I sent out the questionnaire for the first one to a cross-section of folks, those who met me through work, only know me at work, and those who met me from outside work.

All of those who know me socially initially replied with, but you have 2 personalities, which one am I writing about? Interesting. Once we established that professionally I got a clean sweep :D, I said, "Answer how you will and I will work it out during the write up." I did not ask for explanations, there were no spaces for comments, though a couple added them anyway.

Kip completed one for me. Exactly the same answers as one of my BFFs. When I saw him today he offered to explain, I said that was not necessary, he insisted.
So we went through it line by line.

Most poly/relationship applicable point... He sees me as self-doubting when it comes to personal relationships and decisions. He sees me second guessing a lot of sound decisions. "You do not stick with your gut instinct."

I agree, not news, but something I need to keep in the forefront of my mind. Let's take Yo, broken up with him twice and still was contemplating restarting with him.

I gather the info, process, make a decision, then get all wishy-washy about it.

This does not happen at work, :confused: I am great at establishing and maintaining boundaries. No self-doubt, strong convictions in what I am doing. The physical and emotional safety of others and myself depends on it.

Romantic relationships... argh. Why do it lose it there?

Worried about hurting feelings? Doubt that I have acquired all the pertinent information? That makes sense, thinking as I am writing here. At work, I KNOW this is what needs to be done, it needs to be done quickly, no time to ponder the choice.

In relationships I am easily persuaded because there is information coming in about other peoples feelings and thoughts that probably I didn't factor into my decision, therefore my judgment is not sound, therefore I cave. Or I say, "let me have a think about it," then cave.


Time to re-read previous posts and see if I am onto something.
 
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Suggested, by text, :rolleyes: that I don't have sleepovers at Prof's house as it "causes upset". His response, he is not concerned and has put clean sheets on the bed.
Damn. Now I need to go into why?

Add to this, he is very busy at work and is not going to celebrate S's birthday till he catches up. I said that was unkind and she would be disappointed.

Apparently her response is for him to "cut-off all dating." to make time. Erm, that would be me.

Still, I think birthdays are important enough to make time for, even if my metamour wants me gone, gone, gone, doesn't mean I can't empathize.


In his defense he said no to not seeing me.

Next time around, if metamours don't want to meet me then I will be very cautious.
I have no contact with Kip's wife at all but that seems ok. He shares the when and were he sees me and that is it. No details. I have seen texts.

I don't understand Prof and S's relationship. She clearly would prefer him to be mono, but is the one who wanted an open relationship as she her previous relationships had been.

So plan for tonight; reiterate the sleepover discomfort and ask for some specific reasons why I am perpetually up for the axe.

Let's try on self-assured!

Yo reappeared via text after only brief contact in the past 2 weeks. I replied. sigh.
 
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Last night's chat update. I must admit I asked 3 questions and got a barrage of info.

The birthday celebrations weren't to be cancelled entirely, he suggested a weekend, not the usual week vacation. That didn't go down too well.

The rules are, indeed, designed for FB type hook-ups. Relationships, as basically defined, are not allowed. Therefore, no buying food or drink items for the FB, FBs don't leave stuff at the houses etc.

S wants Prof to have FBs too, that is what she has, he doesn't want FBs, there is a disconnect that they are working on.

He and I are not in a "relationship", we have a "connection". A relationship would be grounds for a veto. Semantics :rolleyes:

He will not allow a veto for anything less than major crazy behavior on my behalf. On this he is firm. :D

She wants to cancel overnights, he does not, it is up for discussion.

I have not done anything to warrant the sword of Damocles, there are no complaints from S about my behavior. When she gets insecure or jealous she vetoes. He will no longer allow this to be a reason for veto.

He wants to protect his primary relationship and to do that he does not share everything that he and I do out of concern it will become a rule item.

The variety of activities that we do would cause jealousy, even just him teaching me to the ride scooter would cause issues as those are relationship type activities. So should S and I ever speak he wants me to be aware of things that would cause issue. therefore, all the warnings.

I got it. Seems fair enough.

I enjoyed the bit about connections and how the relationship/connection line was blurring for him He wants to continue the "connection", enjoys the "connection", the "connection" is important to him. Our time together is something he looks forward too.

He reiterated that he was hoping that the rules would have slackened off by now but was taking it one step at a time. Gave me a big hug and said he hoped I didn't want to stop seeing him.

Then we had some great play:D
 
I met someone of OKC last night. We started emailing in the morning, progressed to a phone call by lunch time and met in the evening.
He is single, divorced and looking for someone to do things with, museums, local hikes etc. Works in a not dissimilar field to me, studying. Lots in common.
Got me thinking...
Here I am at the weekend with no partner to do things with. Both Kip and Prof are off-limits at the weekend. And to be fair, they both told me this in the beginning.
So my question to myself...should I try to fit new people around the existing relationships or fit old relationships around the new?
What do I want? I want someone to go out with. That has been my aim since divorce.
I am in 2 hierarchical relationships, no doubt I am secondary in both. They fit me in around their primary relationships.
It hits me most at the weekend, I see friends and do things with them of course, but on Sundays folks go do things with spouses and family.
I have no family this side of the planet and while I can and do take myself off to do things, wouldn't be nicer to have someone to share it with?
I am not NREing over OKC guy or anything, it just got me thinking that it is maybe time to make Kip and Prof less of a priority, and for me to be more open to meeting someone with similar activity interests and time.
 
Go out with new OKC guy! Have fun! Go out with other people, too! You can see Kip and Prof when you have time for them. You know that saying, it goes something like this: "Don't make someone a priority who makes you an afterthought." Seriously, be with people who say yes to life, and to you, and who appreciate you and your time!

You want to go out and do fun things with someone -- you won't get that as a secondary to a married guy who can't be seen out with you, just comes over to fuck at your place, and has to abide by someone else's schedule and rules. So make your own rules that say you only hang with people who really enthusiastically make an effort to be with you! Then go out and do fun things with someone! Date! If Prof and Kip want your time, they will have to step the fuck up. Don't accept crumbs when you can have a whole tasty meal. Okay, I'm done with the analogies, but you get the picture.
 
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Thanks Nyc, I was hoping for an online kick-up the ass!
So I took your advice,5 minutes after I read it, called him, we have set to meet on Friday but no actual plan yet.

Yo started text chat back up and wanted to meet. I told him that my paradigm has shifted and I am not seeing anyone new who does not make me a priority. No more "BTW I have some free time, whatcha doing?' I think he got the message. We might meet up in a couple of weeks to say "hi", but again he didn't actually book the time.

I am not making any huge shifts with Prof and Kip yet. Kip is an easy schedule, but Prof will lose Weds priority if I meet someone who wants to make time for time me on a regular basis. Often Wednesday is the only night I have without my kids.

I am scheduling like crazy at work and it starts to bleed over! Commit to a day and time or get to the back of the line!

But Prof is still scheduled in for tonight. For now!!!!
 
I shouldn't even post. I know that I am in 24 hour hormone overload and all will be fine tomorrow. I have strong emotions leaking out of every pore, and rationality is out of sight.
Saw Prof last night. He bought up okc dating so I said I had meet someone. "How are you going to fit a third in?" I reply with my new dating shift, no more crumbs ' (thanks again nycindie), priority goes to those who make me a priority. The first part is all pretty good.

WelllllllllllllThen it all comes out. S wants to have weekends with her new beau, so that is in negotiation, no way overnights will be taken off the table. He is "frustrated" that we don't see each other enough. Wants to maximize the time on declared dates, wants to schedule a weekend hotel night ( whoo hooo) and wants me to come away for a work weekend. He will cover all costs, nice hotel etc and pay me for my work time. and it will involve physical labour.
The dude is really trying.

Next, how would I label our relationship? This question from a man?
I said "lovers" , he came up with a funny list and then said. "I would call you my secondary but S wouldn't like that, so I agree with lover."
Then a lot about the strong emotional connection he has with me.

I was gobsmacked, possibly all the girly hormones flying free??????? Are they infectious?

I will need to look up multiple definitions of secondary to see which one I like best ;)

Also some interesting comments about how I would not make a good mono, the door is opened, you like variety and very high expectations for sex. Hard to see where one person could match all that. Doesn't want to know who I am dating, just that I am practicing safer sex.

Which reminds, Frankendates. Will explore that later.

Then Yo starts with the texts, will continue that later. Lots of later. Should be studying:rolleyes:
 
I saw Kip. We had a lovely time. He sexed me out of my funk, lots of fun. Nothing like some rolling orgasms to improve one's mood.
As we were getting ready to leave, I thought; I love you but I am not going to say it, because you might misunderstand what I mean.
Mouth said, " I was going to say I love you, but I don't think you'd understand what I meant, so I'm not going to."
His response, " I love you too, I know what you mean. You are very special to me."

I am not quite sure what surprised me more, me and the " I love you" or him and the " I love you, too." It just popped out. I had not thought about it, weighed up the pros and cons, analyzed what I thought love meant. Just blurrrgh, out it came.

Contrary to my usual analytical style, I am not going to pull it apart. It is what it is. I care deeply for him, enjoy his company immensely, appreciate him answering my never ending questions with patience and humor, and there are so many questions related to my classes. I think what touched me most yesterday was a friend of his returned to the home country and Kip asked him to bring back some of my favorite treats. The friend forgot but I was moved that Kip asked him on my behalf.

Love is the short word that expressed all those feelings. All good :D
 
http://www.pseudodictionary.com/search.php?letter=f&browsestart=1150

Frankendating:

frankendating - Dating three or more people at once so each can fulfill needs the others cannot.

e.g., I'm frankendating right now. Pat is athletic, but not very smart. So I date Alex for intellectual stimulation. But, since Alex doesn't like foreign films, I also date Chris.


I lol at some of them. I only looked at the "F" page.

frankicide - When a frankfurter can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill onto the coals.

frankincense - The enticing smell of hot dogs on the grill.

and totally apropo for me...

frankenpaper - 1. Research paper, article, story, treatment, analysis, etc., at that awkward stage where it is more or less a mish-mash of outlines, quotations, citations, and (usually) vague ideas. 2. A paper or story that is rejected or censured, or earns a rotten grade. (Metaphorically rising off its slab and killing its creator.)
 
OKC guy, while initially stating he is open to open relationships, is in fact, not.
He is looking for "the one." He currently has a couple of "booty calls", but wants to stop that and focus on "one special person." It was a very fun night despite the differing relationship goals. I am still quite happy to sail solo.
Ah well, worth a try.

Later that same evening Prof arrives. We discussed online dating, possibility of going mono if the right person came along etc, he said he wouldn't want me to go mono, for very selfish reasons. lol.

Then he got into this monologue about love and veto. He cannot say he loves me cause that would be a veto. he cannot let it appear to S that loves me cause that would be a veto. He got into gesturing. Here is the line, here is love, here is strong emotional connection. I feel I am here,( gestures to the love side) but can only admit to be being here, ( strong emotional connection side. "Understand?"

Just like me telling Kip, " I was going to say I love you but thought you'd misunderstand."

Funny, we are struggling with the "L" word.

Additionally, he said he hoped I notice he is trying with the time thing. Er,yes, I have seen him 4 nights this week. And thought we did a lot of fun stuff together and are planning the weekend trip. Yes we do and are.

I need to appreciate what I have got a lot more.
 
Hang on. Prof's wife S wants to have a weekend long date with one of her "FBs?" But he can't have one with you?

I know you like the sex, but I'd step away til he and his wife get their shit straightened out. Being relegated to a pseudo-fuck buddy with DADT rules, when, face it, you're really lovers, would drive me up a wall.
 
Thanks for the input.
Prof has a gf, not wife. They do not live together. Now that she is dating she wants to renegotiate their rules. A case of going at the speed of the slowest. He told me about the restrictions in the beginning, he was very clear about what was available and I went along with it. So it is me that is now is making waves.
I did bring this up the other night. I said I realize that he was clear about what was available, I have it in text, email and conversations and now I am asking for more which is not terribly fair. He said he wasn't expecting the relationship to go along this path, but is happy that it is, and is trying to accommodate me. I can see that he is. I have seen him 4 nights this week.
It has been a long time since it was only once a week, which was the original plan.
Prof has offered a weekend away but we haven't sat down with the calendars yet.

Kip is married with the DADT. All is going smoothly there.

The past few months have been an immense personal challenge to myself when it comes to relationships and communication.
Even blogging and posting on the forums is part of the challenge, to be more communicative and put forward opinions. I find it extremely hard to share personal feeling and ideas outside of family and close friends. I have been greatly inspired by the blogs and forums to push my limits but it is uncomfortable and the self-reflection is hard work.

I have no problem walking away from relationships. I have left every adult romantic relationship I have had bar one, and that was in college. Waving big red flag!

I was fairly happy to let Kip walk away after the 3some issues, but instead decided to suck it up and try to work it out. I am glad that I did, but it was like pulling off fingernails. He was surprised that I made the effort.

Same with Prof, I could have walked away many times, he maintains that I have dumped him once already. I said we weren't really dating so it doesn't count ;)
But instead of walking away, I am trying to speak up and work on issues. He said it is funny watching me try to get out things that are on my mind.

As part of my classes I am completing questionnaires regarding my interpersonal relationships with adults, I am spending hours a day reflecting on my own behavior and also getting input from friends, the guys and family.

Everyone is coming back with the same points. Poor communication, emotionally restrained, appears unfriendly, cold, stand-offish with adults, takes a long time for me to open up. The average is a year plus.
On the positive side, I am compassionate, hard working, loyal, lots of good things came up too.

This is hard to write, picking at scabs....

So I set up 2 relationships where I could continue this pattern. 2 men who very clearly stated that they are emotionally and physically unavailable. Looking for NSA sex. Both clearly stated that love was not an option and would be a deal breaker.

Then I find polyamory.com. Read Opening Up. I have been on every website imaginable. Read pages and pages of past forum posts. And decide that I am going to try and work on how I manage relationships and myself.

I have moved the goal posts for both Kip, Prof and myself. I think they are both dealing admirably with it.

Kip gets the never ending questions. We have IM open all day every day. I read something, have a think, then fire off a barrage of questions at him. He says he enjoys it, never knows what I going to come up with. I appreciate his honesty and forthright opinions. I kind of, sort of, told him that I love him. He said he loved me too, straight up; not kind of, sort of.

Prof gets the face-to-face communication experiments.
His and S's rules were set-up for NSAs outside of the primary relationship 2 years ago. and were working fairly well for them, but he decided he wanted a stronger connection with sex partners and we met.
I agreed to the rules, then started picking at them, asking for changes.

He kind of, sort of told me he loved me. He has been kind of, sort of saying it for a few weeks. My response varies from hmmmmm to I enjoy spending time with you too. I am so crap. When it comes up again I will try to be more responsive.

Just the thought of having 2 declarations of love out in the open is hard. Makes me vulnerable, not in control, Chicken Little, the sky is falling down, back off, walk away.

It is me that has done the 180 with both of them. Gone from NSA to trying for loving relationships.
 
Did I ...
a) lose the plans to the Death Star
b) lose the ring one to to rule them all
c) lose a vial of my secret zombification virus
d) 2 bobby pins

S called veto after finding the plans to death star, no, 2 bobby pins. I don't even know where I left them. But she found them and called veto. Prof talked her down to an "official warning." I shit you not.

I said enough, I don't want to be a part of this anymore. Why on Earth would he even feel he had to pass on that message? An official warning? Don't I get verbal first followed by a stern letter?

Dude was visibly upset. He said he had sifted his schedule so he would be around for weekend dates, we had tentatively planned the weekend away, didn't want to stop seeing me. blah blah blah.

I don't want to stop seeing him either, but veto over hairclips? I call BS on that. I told him to go back to dating fuck buddies. Call me when you get your rules sorted out.

He left asking me to keep our Thursday night meeting. By this point I had given up speaking and gave him the evil stare.

What really ticks me off is I had said a couple of weeks ago that I should stop spending the night there and we just stay at my place. He was the one who convinced me otherwise. Pah!
 
These are not the bobby pins you are looking for.
 
Apparently those were the bobby pins she was going through the drawers looking for. Immune to the old jedi mind trick, she is! There is an anti- snooping rule! Which she violates regularly.

Prof texted me. Going to amend the rules so those who leave items are allowed a courtesy phone call to retrieve them. Missing the point there! Let's add another rule and don't actually look at fixing the underlying issues!

I asked for a DADT, yup, I am going there. I don't want to hear any more about the rules that govern their relationship. If I mess up in our relationship, he gets to tell me.
No more, "S wouldn't like this." If it's not allowed then simply say, I can't/don't want to do that, before it happens!

At this point I either trust him to protect our relationship, which he says he is doing and I can see pretty much see that, I have lasted significantly longer than anyone else; or he throws me to the wolves, in which case he is not the person I thought he was.

To paraphrase Master Obi Wan, "If you veto me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine". mwah ha ha ha. :D
 
I saw Kip twice this week, which was lovely. He is busy at work next week so I won't get to see him. He has been super helpful with my class assignments, both times I saw him I had him to fill out another questionnaire for me and explain the answers. Hopefully the next class won't have so much reflecting involved. My brain is a little frazzled.

Prof; where are we with that? Thursday was very fun, some great bd play, great sex, lots of chatting. I avoided the relationship topics like the plague. But it would appear I need to go down that path after all. There was one moment where he said he wanted to take me to an event early next year, but I couldn't say anything about it. I gave him the raised eyebrow look, and he said, that's right I am not going to do that anymore...( refer to activities as veto worthy)
He came round last night and as we were scheduling the next couple of weeks, including the weekend trip, he said I hope this works out and you don't break up with me again.

There was something else about he miss me a lot if we did we break up. I was very tired and didn't want to get into that subject, but on reflection I can see that he was hurt and insecure and needs a little reassurance.
I need to clarify that I didn't break up with him, I broke up with the rules dangling over my head.

The popping over has become quite regular. He lives about 10 minutes away. Once the kids are asleep I text him. He comes around about 8:30- 9pm, we chat, watch an episode of tv, he pushes the sectional together so we can sit with feet up and hold hands, then off he goes about 10:30pm. No sex. It's quite nice. I can't leave the house anyway so I am not spending a kid free night indoors, which we would drive me loopy.

I had plans to meet Yo this weekend, but had to cancel due to flaky ex. We might do a joint kid activity tomorrow, the weather is lovely.

I hate cancelling and rescheduling due to flaky ex. It makes me look unreliable. I just can't afford any extra sitter fees right now, so cancelling or taking the kids are the only options.

I stupidly told the ex that I would not be available to cover the weekend of the 12th, it is my birthday and I said I am going away and will split any sitter fees with him.( birthday money) When will I learn! I could see the wheels turning.

So far the list of fuck up Atlantis' plans, has included; his father having emergency surgery, not true, one of the kids needing a trip to the emergency room, not true, kid sick and crying wants to go home, not true, failure of me to correctly notifying him of overseas trip, therefore would not return the kids in time for the flight. I had to get the sheriff involved with that one. Or the favored classic, not to turn up at all, no phone call no message.

Stupid stupid me.
 
VENT
I thought it would take the ex a week or so to cook something up. Nope, trying to swap weekends already. When will I learn???????? Says he will not return them on Friday after school so the weekends switch.
Will see if Prof can switch the weekend to either the one before or the one after. If not, I will call the cops on Friday. So sick of this. It has been 2 1/2 years.
Might have to call the sitter in for Thursday, prof and I have tickets. aaaarrrgh.
Ex also wants gas money for the 3.2 miles to take the kids to school and pick them up. Worked out I will owe him $28 per month. Maybe use the money to buy them a pair of shoes?????? One freaking pair of flip flops each in 2 1/2 years!!!!!!
I am spewing mad.:mad:
 
I saw Kip, he made some time, shared deeply and then fell of the map. He has done this before. Not unusual behavior for someone to reveal and then retreat. I pinged him midweek, he responded a couple of times then dropped off again. I know he is ok, taking time to process, but I miss him.

I had a very nice hotel date with Prof, lovely dinner after, Then the next night we went to the event. He had put a gift card in with my ticket, then sent a text saying "this is not a gift ;) " I let it go. He has been doing well with letting the rule reminders drop. He even initiated holding hands in public and some hugging. That is one place he hasn't gone before, he usually reminds me that he can't. I don't care about PDAs and was surprised he got all touchy feely.

He was in a sharing mood too asked about his Christmas cake and I said I was also making his birthday treat. He said it was important that someone made something special, just for him, it was the one thing he missed about being married. I lost the ebay bid on his birthday present, but found something very similar, fingers crossed I win that.

I have never actually read the love languages book but skimmed a few articles to get the drift and believe we are both acts of service people. I will show you I care by doing things that I know you enjoy and would appreciate. I am really crap at buying gifts (always practical), not great at the touching thing outside of sexy time and trying hard to increase the words of affection. But ask me to do, and I will do to the best of my ability. And I offer too :) This plays into the sub thing too, an act of service that I completely enjoy.

Kip wanted a Christmas cake too. They have been made and are being fed with brandy once a fortnight. No more dating people with Euro connections and a passion for matured Christmas cake! These things take a while to put together and involve ordering ingredients and getting my folks to bring items over. Act of service for sure.

I saw Yo. We had sex, it was as bad as I remembered, I thought I would give it one more try. Bad move.

My thoughts on this... I have great sex with one, I have very good sex often great sex with the other, bad sex I don't need. While somethings could be worked out with discussion there is just not that savoir-faire.

Kip and Prof both brought it up recently. Good sex is good, but great sex is an uncommon thing to find and maintain. That connection with a partner that enables you to let it all go. I really like Yo, I find him attractive in many ways but it is just not there between the sheets and I don't think it ever will be. At least there were no agreements made to start seeing each romantically again, slide back into the friend zone.

I do consider myself fortunate to have 2 lovers that regularly rock my socks and vice versa (or so I am told ;) ) I need to let my little polyship cruise along and stop messing with the sails.
 
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