Inyourendo
New member
Despite being very social, ESTJs are not too good at deciphering other people’s feelings and can often be quite inattentive when it comes to sensing how their dating or a long-term partner feels.
This is a huge one. I have this issue seeing the other side. I assume (and Im working on this) that if it’s not bothering me, then it wont bother someone else. or if they do get upset its very hard for me to empathise. I always thought this was a spectrum thing because Im not very nurturing and I don't feel sorry for people when bad things happen to the (with the exception when it comes to kids for some reason) Nate is so different that me in this regard. He has told me that he’s so careful with my feelings that it stresses him out sometimes. I told him not to bother lol
ESTJs are not naturally emotional, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, people with this personality type should not dismiss emotions as pointless and irrational. Different does not mean wrong, and being sensitive is often far more important than being right.
Another thing Im working on. accepting that everyone is different and works on things their own way. what may be something easy for me to get over might devastate someone else. Last Nov someone stole our sweet little dog from our yard. we put up fliers and checked the shelters, I would go on CL to look in the pets section, I would stop at all the puppy mill people on the corner hoping I would find her. It was sad for me but I knew that dwelling on it wouldnt make her suddenly appear. I kept my feelings to myself, almost embarrassed that I had feelings and just hoped that the person who had her would love her. Someone else on the other had could have been crying for days as if they lost a child, perhaps to them they did. But I shouldnt look down on them for some perceived weakness. I should see that they need to grieve that way. I get it, but I still can't feel bad for them, I can only logically tell myself why they feel bad.
One thing I love about getting older is I learn more and more about myself every year. I had a shitty childhood, really shitty and suffered PTSD and severe manic depression for years. I sometimes wonder how much sooner I would have realized these things about myself had a i had a head start so to speak. If in my teens I had been a well rounded/healthy person instead of the mess I was until my early 20’s.
This is a huge one. I have this issue seeing the other side. I assume (and Im working on this) that if it’s not bothering me, then it wont bother someone else. or if they do get upset its very hard for me to empathise. I always thought this was a spectrum thing because Im not very nurturing and I don't feel sorry for people when bad things happen to the (with the exception when it comes to kids for some reason) Nate is so different that me in this regard. He has told me that he’s so careful with my feelings that it stresses him out sometimes. I told him not to bother lol
ESTJs are not naturally emotional, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, people with this personality type should not dismiss emotions as pointless and irrational. Different does not mean wrong, and being sensitive is often far more important than being right.
Another thing Im working on. accepting that everyone is different and works on things their own way. what may be something easy for me to get over might devastate someone else. Last Nov someone stole our sweet little dog from our yard. we put up fliers and checked the shelters, I would go on CL to look in the pets section, I would stop at all the puppy mill people on the corner hoping I would find her. It was sad for me but I knew that dwelling on it wouldnt make her suddenly appear. I kept my feelings to myself, almost embarrassed that I had feelings and just hoped that the person who had her would love her. Someone else on the other had could have been crying for days as if they lost a child, perhaps to them they did. But I shouldnt look down on them for some perceived weakness. I should see that they need to grieve that way. I get it, but I still can't feel bad for them, I can only logically tell myself why they feel bad.
One thing I love about getting older is I learn more and more about myself every year. I had a shitty childhood, really shitty and suffered PTSD and severe manic depression for years. I sometimes wonder how much sooner I would have realized these things about myself had a i had a head start so to speak. If in my teens I had been a well rounded/healthy person instead of the mess I was until my early 20’s.