Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people

Well, I understand a unicorn to be the stereotypical "hot bi babe," and considered a mythical creature because she would have to fall in love with the male and female in an already established couple -- and that would be difficult to find. Hence the term "unicorn," right? It wouldn't be all that difficult to find a single guy who wanted to be involved with two women, so if that is what jesuspants is looking for, he would hardly be called a unicorn. Such a desire would not be much of a rarity!

However, all we know is that jesuspants is male and looking for a relationship with two other people. We don't know his orientation, and whether he's looking for two straight women to service him, two bi women to be with each other and him, or two gay men, or a male-female couple. If we did, it might help us in offering feedback.
 
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don't know his orientation, and whether he's looking for two straight women to service him, two bi women to be with each other and him, or two gay men, or a male-female couple. If we did, it might help us in offering feedback.

I guess I should of said that I was looking for a male-female couple. So I guess that would make me bi...or a male unicorn? Not real sure how that term apples.
 
Don't sweat over the definitions - sometimes I think it would be useful to have a special word to designate a single looking for a triad that would carry less 'baggage' than unicorn, but we make do.

So now, hit the poly groups in your area. Try on-line dating if that feels comfortable (OkCupid is nice, I don't have experience with other sites). You might want to check out if there are any bi organizations in your area, just in case. If you already belong to a 'subculture', like the kink community, Neo-Pagans, gaming/SF, what have you, keep your eyes open while socializing in those circles. For me, meeting people through other people works best. Even coming out to a select few trustees and telling them what you are interested in might reap unexpected benefits.

(Just for the sake of illustrative purposes, I've met one partner through gaming, two through the local poly scene, both off and on-line, and two others through existing partners. So pure luck plays a large role in finding compatible couples/individuals.)
 
Heart breaking...

Anyone have any advice on how to find like minded people?..seems so hard to find a girl who wants a couple for anything more than sex..we want a real relationship with a girl..getting frustrated..on the verge of giving up on a polyamory lifestyle before it even starts :(...advice? thanks
 
Anyone have any advice on how to find like minded people?..seems so hard to find a girl who wants a couple for anything more than sex..we want a real relationship with a girl..getting frustrated..on the verge of giving up on a polyamory lifestyle before it even starts :(...advice? thanks

Are you honest with them about wanting a relationship more than fucking?

Also, and this does seem to happen a lot with poly people. How many people did you date before you found your partner? Not everyone you find is going to be relationship interested/worthy. There HAS to be some expectation of trial and error. Not everyone is compatible.

You should be happy you are finding people, you have a chance ;) how many times do we read about people who can't even find interested parties.
 
If you're in this because you want a "lifestyle" then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It's just like when monogamous people get married because they are in a hurry to be married. The point is - polyamory is about being able to love more than one partner, not getting more partners so that you can have a "polyamory lifestyle".
 
Maybe you could open up the options. A couple is rather daunting for a single person. Usually triads are made, not found. Perhaps you should try dating on your own and just have in mind that it might be an option later on.

I would also get involved with your local poly community. If there isn't one, create it. Add it to your dating profiles that you are interested in meeting like minded people just to have community around you and make new friends. Then organize an event to meet everyone that responds. That way you get to make new friends and see what comes out of it. Quite often relationship success comes not from dating sites, but from having close friends that turn into something more.
 
How do you meet people?

I'm interested in the poly lifestyle, but I live in a bible belt...super conservative small town. Most of the time when I bring it up people have never heard of it. I want to see if a poly relationship would work for me. Advice please?!?:confused:
 
Well, read around here, look in the tags, under search, for topics you are interested in. Maybe post a thread in the sections for dating, meetings, friends, and events toi see if there are others in your area... Look around, make yourself comfy. Welcome :)
 
I'm interested in the poly lifestyle, but I live in a bible belt...super conservative small town. Most of the time when I bring it up people have never heard of it. I want to see if a poly relationship would work for me. Advice please?!?:confused:
You COULD point out that "biblicly", poly was accepted. ;)
 
Intentional vs. Natural Connection

I keep feeling like, for my wife and I to go looking for other poly people to connect to, is somehow disingenuous. I mean, for both of us, all of our romantic connections have always started from the most accidental and NON romantic situations with people that we usually had no real interest in at the beginning. Isn't going on a website like Polymatchmaker or trolling for other poly people sort of like a guy or girl deciding they want an intimate connection with someone and going to a local bar? I've always been a believer in the idea that you will NOT meet Mr or Mrs Right in a bar or night club, but in a bookstore while you're both reaching for the same beloved novel, or in a laundromat as you're both fighting over who needs the last available dryer more, or just after you both smashed into each others cars at a busy intersection. Love has always happened by accident for me (at least accidental in that I was not aware, at the time, of all the synchronous occurrences that made it possible) and, I think, for most people.

I mean, are me and PLove really going to find people on OKC, or at The Pleasure Garden, or on Poly Meet-Up, who we can really build a healthy, long term relationship with? Is that doing it wrong? I mean, is being intentional about trying to find other people to connect to put too much pressure and expectation on the entire situation? But, then, how else to poly people looking for other poly people find each other, connect, and build tribes?

Curious.
 
beliefs

Thanks for sharing!! I would say that your own limiting beliefs will be what will block you from meeting someone on a dating site or a meet-up. Look around you....don't you know any couples who are in a long term relationship which began online? Just because all of your relationships happened a certain way, doesn't mean another way is not possible. I would suggest you open your mind up a bit!! Good luck!!
 
I met Mono on POF of all places. He was looking for a hook up, we got talking about my very open profile, he wasn't interested and was paranoid and then came back and said he couldn't stop looking at my picture and thought we should meet anyway, no hook up necessary (Although he was secretly hoping he would get laid anyway ;)).

I met Derby at a poly discussion group locally.

I met Leo on POF also. He is a swinger and we have a non-sexual relationship that is very loving, romantic and deep regardless.

Yup, anything is possible.

I suggest that if you want to meet like minded people that you create it for yourself. I would start a group or join a group of poly people in your area. The way to meet people is to go out there and meet them.... no attachment to romance, but just to get the ball rolling in terms of finding friends.
 
You practically jumped me! ;) Besides..you had those sexy jeans on and were shaking it like Shakira :eek:
Well ya, I was hoping too. After the respectful process I had laid out for myself that is.... that took less than a week no? Ya, so didn't stick to my own boundaries! PN was not impressed! remember?
 
I may have met my first husband when he bumped into me repeatedly at a dance club (because those things are common at 20), but I met my second husband on OkCupid. I also met the guy I am dating now on OKCupid (albeit after seeing him on fetlife and recognizing him from my matches, who knows if that would have happened if I hadn't taken the effort to reach out). My husband generally finds dates through OKCupid because the chance he is going to run into some random person other that at work whom he can become enamoured with is small, let alone somebody who is open to poly (and we don't date people who are think they will just "give an open relationship a shot")

Meeting people randomly is great, but that is if you are generally outgoing. With website tools that help you find and learn about people you might not ever run into, what is wrong with taking advantage? Besides, love/lust at first sight is really uncommon for me (once every few years), so how many other people might you click with that you didn't get a chance to because you knew nothing about them during a chance encounter and weren't struck by chemistry that moment? My husband is very social, I am somewhat introverted, so some of the things like big poly events aren't as great for me to go to at least.

You can always use them as an opportunity to meet like-minded friends, hobby partners, adventure partners. You don't HAVE to be searching for relationships, which is what is so great.
 
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