You both have touch on thoughts I have felt. Yes, fear is definitely one of them. But I really cannot see my life with him in it. We still are best friends.
We discussed what could happen if I too find someone else. He said that he would be a hypocrite if he objected. Would he feel like I presently have felt, yes.
Am I looking? Honestly, don't even know where to begin to look.
Maybe if I too have another it could add another spark to our relationship. I am sure if someone would be interested in me I certainly would feel renewed. ��
I want to thank you both for your thoughts and support. It is most appreciated.
As I regularly tell my wife, all a woman has to do to get laid is not say no. Now finding a partner worth having an actual relationship with is certainly harder but just finding some casual fun well the hard part is just separating the wheat from the chaff.
My main concern is that your husband seems to be utterly oblivious to the utter disrespect his choices showed towards you. I do get what you are going through, when I caught my wife I too couldn't imagine life without her and was uncertain what to do, I too made the decision to stay and give her a chance to earn back my trust. But my situation is different, for one we had been toying with and working towards an open relationship (we just had not agreed yet so her jumping the gun was definitely cheating). Her betrayal was also just sexuality not a full blown romantic affair.
But the key reason that I am still with her rather than in divorce court is that she showed sincere and honest remorse for her choices (the weren't mistakes they were choices) and is working on understanding what was wrong with the thought processes that she used to justify those choices so she can make better more ethical choices in the future.
Honestly if you posted your story anywhere else people would be telling you to get the fuck out of that relationship. Call a good lawyer and take him for every penny you could.
Now I do know that I'd probably have gotten the same response to my own (which is why I haven't posted it anywhere) I know that I am making an emotional decision and ignoring my logical rational side and I am okish with that. Because the basic description of the facts can't convey the change in her attitude towards me. That she was rocked by the potential of our separating and it forced her to reevaluate how she thought about me and remember why she loved me in the first place. We also have young children including one with autism so divorce would be much more disruptive than for most. We also have swung with others in the past so the sex wasn't that big of a deal I was almost as upset with the risks she took meeting strange men with no one knowing where she wss.
I'm not going to judge you for deciding to try and make it work. You have to ask yourself some very hard and important questions. Why do you want to stay in this relationship. Are you truly ok with how he treated you? Has he treated you with love and compassion since his affair came to light?
My biggest concern for you is that trust is very important to making an open relationship work. Infidelity is a very rocky place to use as a base for any relationship. Honestly it sounds to me like you found out about the affair and have glommed onto the idea of polyamory in as a part of your denial over how horribly he treated you.
Now maybe poly will work for you, perhaps once you see how much demand there is for women in this open relationship dating pool you will find that you can get the emotional and physical intimacy that you'very been denied for so long. But you need to start looking out for you.
I feel for you because I know too well what you are going through. The uncontrollable emotional storm that leaves you alternating between crying screaming in rage and anguish. It's literally PTSD the same response that soldiers get to traumatic experiences.
Does your husband know what his actions have done to you? Do his actions and behavior towards you reflect that? If not do a little search on infidelity and PTSD then after you see yourself in the description show it to him and tell him that he did this to you through his shitty selfish choices.
Cause the way I see it, he's suffered no consequences for his choices, in fact he gets the best of both worlds. He gets to keep you as his friend for emotional support while he has his mistress for fun sexy time.
Hell make him read this post so he can be called out for being the inconsiderate shitbag he is.
Then hop on Craigslist or okcupid and find yourself a beefcake of your own and see how he likes a taste of his own medicine.