How to coexist with a monogamist?

I believe I may be communicating my position poorly. Let me try to clarify...

1. My definition of love is selflessness towards another. Jealousy in general (while absolutely a normal human emotion) is a force against selflessness. In a perfect world with no jealousy for instance. (A world which does not exist even in my head) we should desire what's best for our partner even if it means we never get to see that person again. If my wife came to me tomorrow and said, "I've found someone else, we are more compatible and I'm not poly so I want to be with him only." I would want that for her. Granted I would have all the selfish feelings. I would be jealous. I would wish I could make her happy. I I may even be angry. But I would attempt to push those feelings aside. Because in my mind they are the opposite of love. Fear, jealousy, anger, etc are all perfectly normal human emotions and I wouldn't fault people for having them, but they should be emotions that we at least try to temper, because they are not healthy and they keep us from loving fully. We are all born with selfishness, or learn it. But it's up to each of us to work towards. The more selfless we get, the happier we will become. I have a weird religious belief that stems from several religious thoughts but can be summed up as: the pursuit of pleasure is our end goal, but many settle for selfish worldly pleasures that only lead to small amounts of pleasure at the expense of long term happiness. Our goal in this life is to learn how to be as selfless as possible in order to learn to truly love. The more you are able to love without selfishness, the more you find true pleasure and happiness.

I disagree. While love is dependant of generosity and thinking of others, it is also about clearly stating what you need, and trusting that the other person through their love is willing to work towards making you happy. Of course if the other person truely want out it is wise to let them go, but reacting to a breakup you didn't want means you care! So many people confuse indifference with being a better person. While I belive in generosity and thankfulness, it can also turn into weird versions of martyrdom where you just put a lid on your issues.
 
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