Poly & Sexuality - Advice needed

Rhom

New member
Hi Everyone,

I have been lurking here a while. I have a question for you and love to hear your point of view.

I am 40ish yo male of a MFMF Closed Quad (2 married couples). We all love each other very, very much and have now celebrated our 3 year anni. We are all together every day, our children, family and best friends know as well. Its fulfilling, loving and full of happiness.

Being intimate with my OSO has expanded my understanding of my own sexuality. When our quad was first together, before the emotional attachment became a reality, our sex life as a group was quite a bit different. We experimented with same room sex, 3-somes, limited 4-somes, etc... The girls had engaged a few times with each other but not the guys. But now things have evolved more to permanent couple swapping. We all feel emotionally, that we have 2 equal husbands/wives, so we divide our time equally for each partner.

Although our group sex activities has stopped, both myself and my OSO quite enjoy exploring and pushing the boundaries of our sexuality. It has been amazing. However, over the last several months I grow more and more curious of what it would be like to be with another man, for example my metamor. Not 1on1 per se, but perhaps in a group activity.

But I am very afraid to bring my bi-curiousity up with my group. I don't want to screw up this beautiful relationship we have but I also feel I must be honest as well. This curiousity seems to be growing each day and I think about it often.

Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

Rhom
 
Hi Rhom,

I am inclined to encourage you to be brave, and tell your companions about your bi-curiousity. You do not have to tell them about your interest in your metamour, or not right away. You could just tell your SO, then OSO, at first.

If your metamour isn't interested in a bi experience, would your quad be willing to open enough for you to date a guy outside the quad?

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
Thanks Kevin,

After 3 years of enjoying/learning the ups and downs of a quad, I know you are absolutely right. There is simply no lying or secrets in this lifestyle.

So... I told them last night. My SO had a very negative reaction, essentially denying it and making big statements like "you've screwed everything up" and "what if I don't want you to be bi-curious/bi-sexual". It was a very difficult evening and I felt under attack, I felt I had to defend myself. Yes, she handled it very poorly but she was in complete shock and emotionally reacted.

We talked about the double standard. She has had a few bi-sexual encounters with my OSO and enjoyed them. She admitted that its ok for women but not for men (maybe not ok for me and its a big turn off for her). I had a hard time with that one.

My OSO handled it completely different. She was also shocked but asked me many questions and could understand it.

My metamour seems indifferent about it which is fine. I didn't expect anything different.

I knew going into this that nothing would change but for me I feel I have done the right thing by being honest with the people I love. I don't see how anything bad could come of that.

There is worry that I would want to stray outside of the group because my curiosity would remain unfulfilled. We are a very closed quad so that would be cheating in their pov. I told them I wouldn't dream of doing that.

We'll see what the future holds. Thanks for listening.

R
 
Sorry to hear that your SO didn't take it very well. Maybe if she has some time to think about it she'll cool down? I don't think you can choose to be bisexual, so it's not fair of her to say you ruined anything by being bi-curious.

Keep us posted if you're willing.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Ugh I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. And very glad you are strong enough to be honest with your partners about your desires. My previous bf is a poly bi man and he has had similar difficulties when he came out to various partners. For whatever reason people are much more threatened by a bisexual man. You aren't a freak or the only one and honesty is always best. Also if this is something you need to explore a conversation about cautious opening might be in order. Kudos to your meta for not freaking. Men often have a hard time accepting bi men in my experience.
Side note: people often have a misconception that being bi means you want everyone indiscriminately
 
Male bi-sexuality is still a closet issue in many places. Female Bi-Sexuality is encouraged, male is a shhhh. The first time I had it in a MFM was by mistake. My wife was being very sultry with a guy and danced his hardon over to me. I thought she wanted me to help her. I did, she was a little freaky, but mostly she thought all cocks belonged to her.
Funny thing is it makes MFM so much better, less drama about crossed swords, B honest with her.
 
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