Age Gaps

I was thinking about age gaps recently, between people in a relationship and wondered what the thoughts of the people here are. What kind of ages gaps do those in polyamorous relationships have? Does it reflect the 'norm' for those who are monogamous or does it vary?

For those who have an age gap outside of the 'norm', what responses do you get to it, and does it bother you?

Just interested
 
I wouldn't say there is really any age gap in my situation. S2 is three months older than I am; Hubby is two years younger (which, in our 40s, doesn't really make an appreciable difference). My ex-boyfriend Guy, who was my first boyfriend after the poly thing became a thing, is a year younger than me.

Out of curiosity, what would you consider the "norm" for an age gap? I've known couples who had the same birthday (i.e. no gap at all), and couples who have a decade or more age difference. The valedictorian of my high school class married our history teacher, who was 25 years older, and they're still married twenty years later.
 
Out of curiosity, what would you consider the "norm" for an age gap? I've known couples who had the same birthday (i.e. no gap at all), and couples who have a decade or more age difference. The valedictorian of my high school class married our history teacher, who was 25 years older, and they're still married twenty years later.

Ha, I guess I don't know! I guess the majority of people I know have a 1-6 year gap, for those in a mono marriage with kids kind of thing.
 
My ex was 18 years older than me, Prof is 13 years older. Kip was 10 years older. Joe only 3 years older but it is rare for me to date anyone in my age range.
However my ex did lie about his age, knocked 6 years off and Prof knocked 3 years off on OKC, Dan from way back knocked 4-5 years off. I have never lied about my age bar making myself a few months older on OKC because I avoid putting in too much info online, though I why I bother trying with all these data breaches happening anyway...:rolleyes:
To answer your question, I have rarely been with anyone within 1-6 years of my age. Nothing to do with being poly for me.
 
I dont care what other people do but for myself I'm only interested in being with people within a couple years of myself. I'm 35, my boyfriend is 32, and husband is 36.
 
My age gap with people I've dated has usually been quite small, max. +/-6 years. I was 17 when I met my now ex-husband JJ, who was 23 at the time. And now being almost 30 I've dated people who have been 23 or older, but not older than me usually. Hank is the only one after JJ who has been older, and he's only one year older than me.
 
I'll date 'em younger, older, or near my age. Never mattered much to me, and most of my life I was monogamous (I embraced poly 5 years ago).

I'd say most of my long-term committed relationships were guys who were close in age to me (+ or - 6-7 years), probably because we had more in common, but my dating profile on OKC is set to look for guys between 36 and 62 (I'm 55). I probably would not date anyone in their 20s, as that would feel weird to me, but one lover I was seeing for almost 2 years is 17 years younger than me and we hit it off just great. One guy I see now is older, but he won't tell me how much! I think he thinks he's too old for me, even though I've told him it doesn't matter.
 
Nerdist is 5 years younger than me, Droid is 5 months older than me.
I've never dated older than me, youngest has been an 8 year age gap.
 
I'm 37. DarkKnight is 2 years older and PunkRock is 4 years older. I had a brief couple of hookups with a 21 year old and felt terrible about it because I couldn't take it seriously. I have slept with a 56 year old but he smelled of desperation and was the clingiest man I'd ever met. And when I call someone clingy, that is saying something!

I think I like guys that are just a few years older. :)
 
"half-your-age-plus-seven": The rule to define the youngest that a romantic interest can be before the relationship is indecent. (Urban Dictionary)

That gives me a low of 27.5 and a high of 66....hmmm. That range seems too broad to me on both ends. I think on OKC I put +/- 10 years. IRL? probably less than +/- 5 years. "Different places in our lives" is probably the best defining limiter for me (followed by whether they have kids).
 
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One of the guys I'm dating right now is much older than me (10+ years), and in my first poly relationship, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a woman who was 11 years my senior. I do think being poly makes me more open to older (but not younger) people actually, and I'm not sure why. When I've been monogamous I've tended to find myself exclusively with people just a little older or younger than me, but every single person I've been with since Nina and I opened our relationship (with the exception of Nina herself, who is 3 years my junior) has been at least a few years older. I think it might come down to a general experience thing - maybe there's less drama dating more mature people than younger folk, because they tend to know what they want more, and in poly that's a really important thing? I'm not sure.
 
Hubby is just a couple of years older than I am. Boy is 12 years older.

I've only every dated one person younger, and that was only a month difference in age. The oldest I've dated was 18ish years my senior.
 
In the early days after my divorce from my ex, I had a couple of "encounters" with a guy who was 10 years younger than me (I was 36 at the time), and I was in a brief relationship with a guy who was 20 years older.

I felt kind of creepy with the younger guy, so I was glad that after the second encounter we decided we made better platonic friends than FWBs. The thing with the older guy failed spectacularly because he wasn't able to keep himself from acting "Daddy-ish" even though he kept claiming he saw me as an equal. There were numerous other issues as well, but that was the one that really chafed me.

For me, for the most part, if a guy is more than 4-5 years younger than me, I feel very uncomfortable. Not sure why. If he's more than 10 years older, I feel like we have nothing in common. So those are my age limits in general. But as I said earlier in this thread, in my current situation there's no appreciable age gap. (And Hubby, despite being two years younger, constantly forgets that I'm actually older than him; I look young for my age and have a somewhat "young person" personality.)
 
I have usually dated people only a couple of years younger/older than me. But I have been in love with someone almost same age as my parents, it got weird. L is two years older than me. N is seven, almost eight years younger than me - he is very serious but also very young, I sometimes notice his lack of experience in things. By the time he had sex for the first time I had started on my second serious relationship, finished my education and bought a flat. But that also means that he does everything for the first time in his life together with me, which I like.
 
My husband is 11 months older than I am. My new Dom, who I've had a friends with benefits relationship since October 2009, except for a two year break in the middle is ten years younger than me. The guy who was a co-primary with my husband for a year and a half is 9 years younger than I am. The oldest person I dated was 10 years older than I am but we only dated for a few months because I discovered I just didn't really have a lot in common with him. I went on a few dates with someone about 4 years older than me, but that didn't work out either. The rest of the people I've ever been involved with have been younger than me, though my Dom is the youngest person I've dated more than a couple of times. I went on a few dates last winter when I was 41 who is 26. I stopped pursuing that because it just felt weird to date someone only 6 years older than my older son.
 
"half-your-age-plus-seven": The rule to define the youngest that a romantic interest can be before the relationship is indecent. (Urban Dictionary)

That gives me a low of 27.5 and a high of 66....hmmm. That range seems too broad to me on both ends. I think on OKC I put +/- 10 years. IRL? probably less than +/- 5 years. "Different places in our lives" is probably the best defining limiter for me (followed by whether they have kids).

I should have noted that MrS is 1.5 years older than I am, Dude is 3.5 years younger. Lotus is 1 month younger than me and her husband is a few years older than her (? I believe)
 
I've either been in relationships people who were within three years of my age or over a decade younger. So far I have not had a successful date with anyone much older than me. There just isn't much in common. You would think that would be true with people much younger than me too and it is but I've found that I have attitudes and values more in common with millennials than baby boomers.
 
Before I knew what poly was I dated guys who were 5 and 7 years older than me. The guy I'm in a poly relationship with now is 10 years older.
 
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