vansername
New member
The first thing I should explain is that I'm the kind of person who likes to think about other people before myself. I may be in a situation where I should be concerned with my own wellbeing, but, I care more about checking in on friends and such. One of my partners has even pointed out that I could be in a situation that would break other people, but, I'll still ask him about things in his life that he sees as trivial in comparison.
Anyway, that being said, both of my partners have pretty big things going on in their lives. The first, Atty, is actually a transmale. Unfortunately, he isn't out to his (very transphobic) parents. In fact, he's going through the process of trying to transition (he's already seen a gender therapist and he's working on setting up appointments and stuff) and doesn't plan on coming out to them until after he's transitioning and they can't say that he's a female and his gender identity isn't valid. Personally, I support him doing things in whatever manner causes him the least anxiety and stress, and I know that he's making great strides already (he's out to all of his classmates, for example). However, I worry because he'll tell me about upsetting comments his parents have made about members of the trans community.
My other partner, Gabe, struggles a lot with anxiety and depression. He's a vet who lost his leg in the Middle East, and he's only been out of the service for about a year. Obviously, that's enough for a person to try and handle. On top of that though, he was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Obviously there's a lot of pain and strain and stress that comes along with an illness like this.
My partners are good friends and they know that I worry about both of them and like to check in. They're also willing to serve as soundingboards when I need to talk about my worries in regards to the other (like, Atty will talk to me about Gabe's cancer so I don't stress him by telling him that I'm upset about his cancer), and have assured me that they'll let me know if they're feeling neglected or jealous of the attention the other is receiving, or if they just need a change of topic.It's really hard for me not to worry that they won't actually tell me though, and that they'll just let their annoyance bubble inside.
Then, there's also the fact that I'm very bad at expressing my concern for myself. I tend to fuss over other people and let my own worries and fears and sadness build up until I explode and have to let it out. In the past, this has destroyed both romantic and platonic relationships. Gabe and Atty have assured me that it's okay to talk about myself and that not acting strong 100% of the time isn't going to push them away or something. I'm still kind of worried about it though. So, I guess one thing I'm looking for here is advice an d reassurance in regards to having the strength to tell my partners that I need a moment to be weak, and/or that I love them and want to know about every little moment of their lives, but, right now I need a chance to be selfish and concerned with me.
I'm also looking for advice on making sure I'm not neglecting myself. I have my own medical/mental/ other personal concerns (I was diagnosed with Type I/Juvenile Diabetes at the age of 9, I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have school and work, etc.), but, I'm really bad about ignoring those and trying to use all of my energy to nurture others. About a month or so ago, I actually ended up in the hospital because I was pushing myself too hard physically to provide for my family and had high bloodsugars and severe dehydration as a result. Though I know that my instinct with everything happening in my partners' lives is to drop my own and think about them, I know that I can't afford to do that. Does anyone have any advice for not only splitting my time between my partners and making sure they have all of the emotional support that they need, but also ensuring that I have and use the time to care for my own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs?
Sorry this post is so long, also, I just kept typing until I ran out of things to say....
Anyway, that being said, both of my partners have pretty big things going on in their lives. The first, Atty, is actually a transmale. Unfortunately, he isn't out to his (very transphobic) parents. In fact, he's going through the process of trying to transition (he's already seen a gender therapist and he's working on setting up appointments and stuff) and doesn't plan on coming out to them until after he's transitioning and they can't say that he's a female and his gender identity isn't valid. Personally, I support him doing things in whatever manner causes him the least anxiety and stress, and I know that he's making great strides already (he's out to all of his classmates, for example). However, I worry because he'll tell me about upsetting comments his parents have made about members of the trans community.
My other partner, Gabe, struggles a lot with anxiety and depression. He's a vet who lost his leg in the Middle East, and he's only been out of the service for about a year. Obviously, that's enough for a person to try and handle. On top of that though, he was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Obviously there's a lot of pain and strain and stress that comes along with an illness like this.
My partners are good friends and they know that I worry about both of them and like to check in. They're also willing to serve as soundingboards when I need to talk about my worries in regards to the other (like, Atty will talk to me about Gabe's cancer so I don't stress him by telling him that I'm upset about his cancer), and have assured me that they'll let me know if they're feeling neglected or jealous of the attention the other is receiving, or if they just need a change of topic.It's really hard for me not to worry that they won't actually tell me though, and that they'll just let their annoyance bubble inside.
Then, there's also the fact that I'm very bad at expressing my concern for myself. I tend to fuss over other people and let my own worries and fears and sadness build up until I explode and have to let it out. In the past, this has destroyed both romantic and platonic relationships. Gabe and Atty have assured me that it's okay to talk about myself and that not acting strong 100% of the time isn't going to push them away or something. I'm still kind of worried about it though. So, I guess one thing I'm looking for here is advice an d reassurance in regards to having the strength to tell my partners that I need a moment to be weak, and/or that I love them and want to know about every little moment of their lives, but, right now I need a chance to be selfish and concerned with me.
I'm also looking for advice on making sure I'm not neglecting myself. I have my own medical/mental/ other personal concerns (I was diagnosed with Type I/Juvenile Diabetes at the age of 9, I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have school and work, etc.), but, I'm really bad about ignoring those and trying to use all of my energy to nurture others. About a month or so ago, I actually ended up in the hospital because I was pushing myself too hard physically to provide for my family and had high bloodsugars and severe dehydration as a result. Though I know that my instinct with everything happening in my partners' lives is to drop my own and think about them, I know that I can't afford to do that. Does anyone have any advice for not only splitting my time between my partners and making sure they have all of the emotional support that they need, but also ensuring that I have and use the time to care for my own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs?
Sorry this post is so long, also, I just kept typing until I ran out of things to say....