OKC advice

I have sent out a lot of nice messages on OKC with probably a 40% reply rate, which I just chalk up to those people being not interested for whatever reason and not that I didn't write a nice enough message. They should be able to get a good feel for you by looking at your profile, which means it is pretty important to create a good profile.
I only visit a guy's profile if his message to me is a damn good one. The message's content has got to entice me (with intelligence, a sense of humor, and proof that he has read my profile) before I will even consider looking at his profile, because I know that he will see that I looked. So, really, while a well-written profile is essential -- the message is the key, and extremely important!
 
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If you are in a bar and a guy offers to buy you a drink, would you look him over then ignore him if he wasn't attractive enough? Or would you just say "No thanks." Or you could accept the drink and converse with the guy a bit instead of making a shallow decision based solely on looks.
Guys don't buy women drinks anymore, and especially not as a way to meet someone they don't know. If there is still a bar in existence in 2015 where this actually happens, please tell me where it is! I do miss those days.
 
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On one hand, I agree that nobody is owed a response, however, I disagree that a message on a dating site can ever be termed unsolicited unless say, a woman contacts a gay man. I think calling it as such is code for "not hot enough for me and should know it".

As I age, I do think that we've lost some old fashioned politeness in our social interaction. Just because you don't owe someone a response, it doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't give one. I agree with moving away from social obligation, especially for women, but like most things, it can go too far.
 
Guys don't buy women drinks anymore, and especially not as a way to meet someone they don't know. If there is still a bar in existence in 2015 where this actually happens, please tell me where it is! I do miss those days.

I have NEVER experienced this and just realized why. Men don't do it! I'm sure it happens from time to time, but never in my world. I've also never seen anyone pull the ole "Send that table a bottle of champagne!" Those old school moves apparently only still happen in the movies. Sigh.
 
Guys don't buy women drinks anymore, and especially not as a way to meet someone they don't know. If there is still a bar in existence in 2015 where this actually happens, please tell me where it is! I do miss those days.

Too many roofies being slipped into drinks these days. From what I hear, young women take very good care to get their own drinks, and not leave the drink unattended if they go to the loo.

#rapeculture
 
Guys don't buy women drinks anymore, and especially not as a way to meet someone they don't know. If there is still a bar in existence in 2015 where this actually happens, please tell me where it is! I do miss those days.

My ex claims she rarely has to buy a drink if she goes out. She is very social though. She is down in South Florida.

I admit I have rarely done the "see a woman across the bar and buy her a drink" thing. I will, however, offer to buy a drink if I am talking to a lady that I just met. I don't go to bars to pick up women, but I do enjoy some flirting and casual conversation.

And this IS 2015...women are allowed to buy a guy a drink as well.
 
I saw it mentioned on another thread somewhere and I think it bears mentioning here. The book The Gift of Fear has lots of great advice for staying safe particularly for women. One of the main messages for women is - be less polite.

Don't feel obligated to let men help with shopping, hold doors open, have conversations with you. Sometimes - not often but sometimes - those initial overtures are tests to see how compliant a woman is. For those who comply things can then become much more difficult.

I go out to bars and travel alone lots. My aim is not to meet new sexual partners when I'm going about these activities. Meeting new people when out is one of my greatest pleasures and I'm very happy to chat to new folks. I'm not happy to be targeted by somebody who is only talking to me in the hopes I might have sex with them. I'm not nice or compliant with those people.

Ignoring in those circumstances is the most polite thing I will do. Simply walking away is something I do too. Sometimes I just tell them that I have a boyfriend (the ability to easily get rid of men by saying that always makes me grateful that monogamy is the norm). If pushed, I'll have a chat with the guy until he says something I can challenge him on and then, with a smile, I'll argue whatever that point is with him until he goes away and finds a woman who is nicer than I am.

I probably would be kinder if I was on a dating website because I'd likely be there because I was interested in meeting somebody.

IP
 
Too many roofies being slipped into drinks these days. From what I hear, young women take very good care to get their own drinks, and not leave the drink unattended if they go to the loo.
Well, yes, but a guy can slip a roofie into a drink she bought herself just as easily as a drink he'd bought her. Getting slipped a mickey wasn't only dependent upon the guy buying the drink. And anyway, back in the 70s through the 90s, when men still bought women drinks, they didn't just walk over to the woman with drink in hand.

They did it in either of two ways. One scenario: they told the bartender they'd like to buy a drink for "the brunette in the red shirt at the end of the bar," or whatever, and the bartender would point out the guy and tell the woman that he wanted to buy her a drink. The guy waved or smiled from wherever he was. If she accepted, the bartender either poured her whatever she wanted, or (if she wasn't quite ready for another drink) turned a shotglass upside down in front of her to signify she had a drink coming that she wasn't paying for. The other scenario is the guy walked over to strike up a convo and would ask her if he could buy her a drink, and then the bartender got it for her or turned over the shotglass. I don't ever recall a strange guy just handing a drink to a woman to pick her up. If a woman was smart, she kept her eye on her cocktail no matter where it came from.
My ex claims she rarely has to buy a drink if she goes out. She is very social though. She is down in South Florida.
Well, there are places where it is still done, but in most major cosmopolitan areas, it's considered by men in their 40s and under to be a waste of time and money to buy a strange woman a drink. There was a big discussion about this on OKCupid once.
. . . And this IS 2015...women are allowed to buy a guy a drink as well.
Yeah well, guys nowadays consider it strange and slutty for a woman to do that. I tried it and got weird reactions. It was always something I used to do, back in the days when it was customary for men to ask if they can buy a drink for a woman. Next one was on me, or I'd send a drink over to someone. But no more, because if most of the guys out at bars don't want to buy a strange woman a drink, they will consider a woman who buys them a drink just desperate or weird, which I think is a shame because if you're the type of person who likes going to bars, buying someone a drink can be a fun way to meet people, as long as there is no obligation attached to it (like expecting sex in exchange).
 
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Yeah well, guys nowadays consider it strange and slutty for a woman to do that. I tried it and got weird reactions. It was always something I used to do, back in the days when it was customary for men to ask if they can buy a drink for a woman. Next one was on me, or I'd send a drink over to someone. But no more, because if most of the guys out at bars don't want to buy a strange woman a drink, they will consider a woman who buys them a drink just desperate or weird, which I think is a shame because if you're the type of person who likes going to bars, buying someone a drink can be a fun way to meet people, as long as there is no obligation attached to it (like expecting sex in exchange).

I agree it is a fun way to meet people. I'm also glad it still happens here in Seattle. I have a blast with a female friend who I met in just such a way. I consider a woman who buys me a drink as...adventurous, in a good way.

The reality is it is unlikely I would ever find a perfect partner in a bar. The chances of randomly meeting someone who enjoys the same relationships and kinks as I do are small. But, being new to the area, it is a great way to meet people for friendships.
 
I agree it is a fun way to meet people. I'm also glad it still happens here in Seattle.

I lived in Seattle for 20 years and not once did a random man buy me a drink. :(:(:( Seattle men strike me as the least likely to be keeping up this quaint tradition, but maybe buying a girl a drink got soooooo out of fashion that Seattle hipsters have picked it up again as THE thing to do. That's usually how it goes there. It happened to flannel shirts and bike riding. The PacNW is a kingdom of ironically re-kindled pasttimes that have fallen out of fashion. Folk music festival, anyone?
 
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I lived in Seattle for 20 years and not once did a random man buy me a drink. :(:(:( Seattle men strike me as the least likely to be keeping up this quaint tradition, but maybe buying a girl a drink got soooooo out of fashion that Seattle hipsters have picked it up again as THE thing to do. That's usually how it goes there. It happened to flannel shirts and bike riding. The PacNW is a kingdom of ironically re-kindled pasttimes that have fallen out of fashion. Folk music festival, anyone?

LOL...Maybe. I'm a recent transplant. This region is definitely one-of-a-kind.

Maybe I'm a Seattle Hipster Trendsetter and don't know it....nah.
 
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Haha, FA, folk music festivals have always been in fashion somewhere.

And FYI, vinsanity0, I've had several long term relationships that started out after someone bought me a drink at a bar. Just hasn't happened in a really long time - but, IME, it can happen!
 
Loving this thread! I am a cold and prickly curmudgeon, surly even...and I love it when folks want to buy me drinks. My answer is always YES. Then I tell them about my husband and my boyfriend...
 
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Haha, FA, folk music festivals have always been in fashion somewhere.

And FYI, vinsanity0, I've had several long term relationships that started out after someone bought me a drink at a bar. Just hasn't happened in a really long time - but, IME, it can happen!

I met and bought my ex a drink in a bar 20 years ago. Granted, it was a strip club...

Loving this thread! I am a cold and prickly curmudgeon, surly even...and I love it when folks want to buy me drinks. My answer is always YES. Then I tell them about my husband and my boyfriend...

And she had a husband...
 
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