metandwessy
New member
So many of you probably have read my other posts and know my history of struggling with my partner's choices in how he pursues other women and who these other women are.
A month ago, I posted about him taking on a female webcam partner and my concerns about not really knowing her, how much time he would be spending (3 days a week) with her and if he would have enough energy for our relationship. That has started to fizzle because he doesn't think she is really serious about webcamming so he posted an ad to craigslist (without talking ot me about it) for a new webcam partner.
He met a woman and skyped with her and then told me he wants to move forward with being her webcam partner. He offered to compromise by allowing the 3 of us to meet in person so I would feel more comfortable with the whole arrangement. We met her, she seemed fine but I was still resentful about how he went about meeting her and the fact that now he has TWO webcam partners when I wasn't even comfortable with the first one.
The first time with his new webcam partner was last Tuesday. I asked if we could make time afterwards to process what happened before we had to go to his parents house that same night. He was not happy about having to cut his date short with this new woman but he agreed to come home a half an hour earlier than he planned. However, he was late because after they stopped camming (at the time he would have needed to stop to get home on time) he decided that he wanted to get off with her.
I was very hurt and angry that this happened this way. He defended himself and said that he didn't feel he did anything wrong and that he planned to cam again with her 2 days later on Thursday. We had some long talks and he agreed to wait a little bit longer than that.
He was supposed to cam with his other partner on Saturday and I planned to go out of town to hang out with some old friends. He then texted me and told me that the person he planned to cam with cancelled so he was going to cam with the new girl. I got upset about this but we couldn't really talk because I was out of town. He tried to set something up with her but she wasn't really getting back to him so he texted me and said he was embarrassed by how desperately he was trying to make something happen and he was going to meditate and go to bed.
I have some creepy intuition (A few days before this night, I actually had the thought that he was going to go over to this woman's house when I was at work or out of town and I would never know) and I felt like checking his messages. This is not completely out of line as we have each others' passwords and both sometimes do this out of curiosity. I looked at his messages about an hour and a half after he said he was going to bed and she had texted him back. They made arrangements for him to come over there and fuck off cam just for fun or "practice". He didn't let me know at all and didn't plan to until I came home.
I tried to call him before he was at her house and texted him to let him know that I knew what was happening. He saw the messages (I later found out) and decided to proceed with fucking her. I also texted her. After he left he didn't even contact me (this happened the last time I was out of town when he fucked a woman I was really uncomfortable with too) until the woman called and texted him for me telling him he should contact his girlfriend (me). If she wouldn't have done this, I imagine it would have been the same situation as last time where I was waiting until the next morning to talk to him.
Then he texted me and basically didn't apologize at all and said that what he did was not unreasonable because he knew I would just be upset and he didn't want to deal with my reaction or ruin my weekend.
When I got home he apologized and acknowledged that he broke our agreement and seemed to actually feel bad about it. But then later he joked about it and said that even though he cheated it was not that bad and also he's planning to cam with this same woman again on Friday in addition to other days this week with his other partner.
I don't know what to do! I've lost a lot of trust and don't feel that he is really accepting responsibility or willing to make amends. Seems like all I can do is take care of myself and decide if this is acceptable to me. Any advice?
A month ago, I posted about him taking on a female webcam partner and my concerns about not really knowing her, how much time he would be spending (3 days a week) with her and if he would have enough energy for our relationship. That has started to fizzle because he doesn't think she is really serious about webcamming so he posted an ad to craigslist (without talking ot me about it) for a new webcam partner.
He met a woman and skyped with her and then told me he wants to move forward with being her webcam partner. He offered to compromise by allowing the 3 of us to meet in person so I would feel more comfortable with the whole arrangement. We met her, she seemed fine but I was still resentful about how he went about meeting her and the fact that now he has TWO webcam partners when I wasn't even comfortable with the first one.
The first time with his new webcam partner was last Tuesday. I asked if we could make time afterwards to process what happened before we had to go to his parents house that same night. He was not happy about having to cut his date short with this new woman but he agreed to come home a half an hour earlier than he planned. However, he was late because after they stopped camming (at the time he would have needed to stop to get home on time) he decided that he wanted to get off with her.
I was very hurt and angry that this happened this way. He defended himself and said that he didn't feel he did anything wrong and that he planned to cam again with her 2 days later on Thursday. We had some long talks and he agreed to wait a little bit longer than that.
He was supposed to cam with his other partner on Saturday and I planned to go out of town to hang out with some old friends. He then texted me and told me that the person he planned to cam with cancelled so he was going to cam with the new girl. I got upset about this but we couldn't really talk because I was out of town. He tried to set something up with her but she wasn't really getting back to him so he texted me and said he was embarrassed by how desperately he was trying to make something happen and he was going to meditate and go to bed.
I have some creepy intuition (A few days before this night, I actually had the thought that he was going to go over to this woman's house when I was at work or out of town and I would never know) and I felt like checking his messages. This is not completely out of line as we have each others' passwords and both sometimes do this out of curiosity. I looked at his messages about an hour and a half after he said he was going to bed and she had texted him back. They made arrangements for him to come over there and fuck off cam just for fun or "practice". He didn't let me know at all and didn't plan to until I came home.
I tried to call him before he was at her house and texted him to let him know that I knew what was happening. He saw the messages (I later found out) and decided to proceed with fucking her. I also texted her. After he left he didn't even contact me (this happened the last time I was out of town when he fucked a woman I was really uncomfortable with too) until the woman called and texted him for me telling him he should contact his girlfriend (me). If she wouldn't have done this, I imagine it would have been the same situation as last time where I was waiting until the next morning to talk to him.
Then he texted me and basically didn't apologize at all and said that what he did was not unreasonable because he knew I would just be upset and he didn't want to deal with my reaction or ruin my weekend.
When I got home he apologized and acknowledged that he broke our agreement and seemed to actually feel bad about it. But then later he joked about it and said that even though he cheated it was not that bad and also he's planning to cam with this same woman again on Friday in addition to other days this week with his other partner.
I don't know what to do! I've lost a lot of trust and don't feel that he is really accepting responsibility or willing to make amends. Seems like all I can do is take care of myself and decide if this is acceptable to me. Any advice?
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