past polyanmor weds non experienced polyamor.

gothamknight

New member
So today is June 15, 2017.. and my non experienced poly amorous spouse is on, or has arrived in Las Vegas for will what will considered our wedding anniversary except its not with me its with her new boyfriend or lover if you will.

my spouse has always claimed that she has been polyamorous. according to her thats how our relationship began. i asked her when this topic was discussed. she couldnt remember, but i told her what i was doing. her being 34yrs. i had asked her when she first felt that she was poly-amorous? she said 16. so then i ask her did all your partners know and accepted? did you practice the lifestyle? couldn't give a decent response. then i asked what the three main factors to successfully maintain an open marriage/partner relationship? couldn't give me a definitive answer. i said to her that its time for spouses, trust, respect, communication, rules and boundaries and most important wedded spouses always come first before partners. varying on agreements made.

i myself have been in a past polys agreed union and it did not end well. i was embarrassed and humiliated and left to fend for myself. i learned allot during this time. what to do and what not to do. which led to a balanced dating life and i owe a tremendous amount of gratitude to this lifestyle. but i feel that she doesn't truly know the raw emotions involved. bottom line she steped out of our union and had an extramarital affair. once surfaced she used the lifestyle as a term rather than its true meaning. since no rules were ever established since topic never came up until recently when events started unfolding.

i seek advice. it has been double digit years since my last poly relations. how does one introduce another into this lifestyle.. i began due to being a sex enthusiast. all i ever wanted from my partners was companionship and sex. i got my companionship from you and with my comfort level over now.. its just gotta be sex. am i overthinking. it? any knowledge, tips or other is appreciated.
 
Re:
"How does one introduce another into this lifestyle?"

I recommend having the other person read Franklin Veaux's Poly FAQ page. It is a great intro of poly for those new to the subject.
 
Hello and welcome to the forum.

And Happy anniversary. How many yrs are you celebrating ?

The affair and leaving on your anniversary to be with the BF all sounds like someone who is checked out of a relationship and now is using the poly label as an excuse for a soft transition. I don't think educating your wife on the mechanics is going to make a huge difference.

Did you ask her why she had an affair ?
 
Hi.

Welcome to the forums. What you're going through sounds really painful. How much of the events of the affair still hurts you and does them getting married make the hurt more?

You're writing in the blog section of the forums. This is a place that is generally a little more sacred than the other sections of the forum. It's usually a safe haven for you to chronicle your thoughts and chat with friends. Not many people will read your blog. The place i would recommend you post this thread is the "poly relationships corner" of the forums. lots of people read and reply to that section but the advice, although well-intentioned, can sometimes be brutal or not why you wanted to hear. They may also disparriage tour spouse which I personally found hard to hear. Anyway, that's just my experience.

What you're going through sounds really tough. I've always thought starting polyamory was tough and to get there from an affair to be early impossible. I cannot imagine how much you would be hurting and then suddenly you say she's getting married to her former affair partner? WTF? Did I miss something? My advice would be that things need to slow down but it sounds like that's not an option anymore. What is the timeframe involved in all this? Are the two of you still married? Kids? Other relationships? How long have you two been together?

I hope you will feel more comfortable with this one day. It must be hard to be where you are at at the moment.

Kindest wishes,
Shaya.
 
She's going to Vegas to meet new lover on THEIR anniversary not to marry the new guy. There's no Elvis wedding chapel mentioned :D.
 
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