I'm having an extremely hard time coping with my nesting partner's push to have not only a non-hierarchical relationship with me and my metamour. This is a desire of his which I am open to and was easing myself into with success and comfort after understanding a primary relationship between the two of us as identified by myself, not him. I'm not saying it was easy.
However, a lot has come to light and new realities are becoming clear to be to me in the past month, big boundaries have been crossed, long-term dishonesty has made it very difficult to be open to and easily accept non-hierarchy and the new weight that I understand that I have in his heart. Of course his actions have drastically changed my feelings.. Every cell in my body wants to fight this loss of love.
On top of this he also seems to be pushing a very non-hierarchical relationship between me and any strictly platonic friendship. This is where a big source of my anguish is coming from today. This is what has pushed me past the edge, causing me to seek neutral opinions and a need to understand. I find him to be acting indiscriminately empathetic, and embodying extreme altruism, at times when it is unnecessary, clearly hurtful from my point of view, and what feels to be purposely unsupportive...
I use the phrase 'pushing me into' because of the passive/confusing manner I feel the shift to non-hierarchy took place and continues to develop.. wearing my ring, becoming solo nesting partners, the longer length of mine and his relationship than that of my metamour and his.
His relationship with my metamor began just when I left. Much has developed and changed since then for both of them. Him and I began a long-distance set-up in December due to my temporary move for 6 months. I'm to return home in a few short weeks and I feel left behind, undervalued, and unsupported - all to an extreme. It is as if we have taken a break for this duration… Big boundaries were crossed, dishonesty prevailed, and I have not received the sensitive gentle approach that I expected asked for and needed from my love. I feel like I've made up an entire reality in my mind. I tell myself I failed to communicate but I know that I did communicate boundaries clearly, misunderstandings, difficulties and how to help me through them, but I am told that I am not communicating.
I've attached a conversation between me and my sweetie to show my inability to understand his desire to tell me, as I am in crisis mode, that he will continue to support and be friends with an ex-roommate of mine who has hurt me deeply. The recent actions of this friend of mine has allowed me to cease my altruistic approach to our friendship and my extreme empathy for this person. I feel that my partner cannot be sensitive to me in this moment of crisis by even filtering his words. Even if he chooses to remain friends with this person, which I am not denying that I do NOT support, he could not be gentle to me in the moment to deescalate my anger, hurt, and feeling of abandonment. Oh by the way, I have borderline personality disorder, which has entirely been triggered as a result of the new developments. This has all come to light in the past month.
Please help me understand his actions?
Are my emotions and expectations far too intense and demanding.. unfair?
How does my boderline personality disorder effect this all?
I wish he was more sensitive I wish that he didn't completely neglect the core of our relationship like this.
Help?
However, a lot has come to light and new realities are becoming clear to be to me in the past month, big boundaries have been crossed, long-term dishonesty has made it very difficult to be open to and easily accept non-hierarchy and the new weight that I understand that I have in his heart. Of course his actions have drastically changed my feelings.. Every cell in my body wants to fight this loss of love.
On top of this he also seems to be pushing a very non-hierarchical relationship between me and any strictly platonic friendship. This is where a big source of my anguish is coming from today. This is what has pushed me past the edge, causing me to seek neutral opinions and a need to understand. I find him to be acting indiscriminately empathetic, and embodying extreme altruism, at times when it is unnecessary, clearly hurtful from my point of view, and what feels to be purposely unsupportive...
I use the phrase 'pushing me into' because of the passive/confusing manner I feel the shift to non-hierarchy took place and continues to develop.. wearing my ring, becoming solo nesting partners, the longer length of mine and his relationship than that of my metamour and his.
His relationship with my metamor began just when I left. Much has developed and changed since then for both of them. Him and I began a long-distance set-up in December due to my temporary move for 6 months. I'm to return home in a few short weeks and I feel left behind, undervalued, and unsupported - all to an extreme. It is as if we have taken a break for this duration… Big boundaries were crossed, dishonesty prevailed, and I have not received the sensitive gentle approach that I expected asked for and needed from my love. I feel like I've made up an entire reality in my mind. I tell myself I failed to communicate but I know that I did communicate boundaries clearly, misunderstandings, difficulties and how to help me through them, but I am told that I am not communicating.
I've attached a conversation between me and my sweetie to show my inability to understand his desire to tell me, as I am in crisis mode, that he will continue to support and be friends with an ex-roommate of mine who has hurt me deeply. The recent actions of this friend of mine has allowed me to cease my altruistic approach to our friendship and my extreme empathy for this person. I feel that my partner cannot be sensitive to me in this moment of crisis by even filtering his words. Even if he chooses to remain friends with this person, which I am not denying that I do NOT support, he could not be gentle to me in the moment to deescalate my anger, hurt, and feeling of abandonment. Oh by the way, I have borderline personality disorder, which has entirely been triggered as a result of the new developments. This has all come to light in the past month.
Please help me understand his actions?
Are my emotions and expectations far too intense and demanding.. unfair?
How does my boderline personality disorder effect this all?
I wish he was more sensitive I wish that he didn't completely neglect the core of our relationship like this.
Help?