I Need Advice and Help

sexyserb

Member
Without writing a book, I am an married woman in a long term marriage who is about to lose a man who I love more than anything on earth. All my own doing, and I need to know if there are any of you out there who can try to help me navigate this mess i have created.

I'll leave out all of the details so as to not write a book here. A little over two years ago, after sending the last one off to college, and after over 25 years of totally monogamous marriage, i went off the deep end. i became obsessed with the fantasy of being able to have sex with other men, and knowing cheating would amount to an instant divorce, i discovered non monogamy or polyamory or whatever title you want to ascribe to my mindset.

So to be honest, i am not wired for non monogamy as some claim they are. I never cheated on boyfriends, and never so much as gave a thought to sexual relations with a man other than my husband for so many years. I still cannot explain it. Net result was, I discovered and did all the book reading and kept at it pushing hubby until he finally gave in and said he'd agree. Not the right way to do it , right???

I think he agreed hoping I would get it out of my system. Instead, I dove in big time and have had sex with a lot of men a lot of times these past two years. Hubby does not know much because one of the agreements was that since he travels on business three weeks a month, it has been pretty much a DADT journey.

But the last six months it has been obvious he has been detaching from me, and even our sex life , which was always vibrant and fun, has become nothing but a release on his part, with very little emotion.

My gut tells me he is preparing to leave me, and I have no clue what to do. I am prepared to go back to monogamy. I know here on this forum I will get advice that he needs to accept what I want or I should let him go. Please I do not need to hear that. I am ready to do anything to save my marriage but how do I ever convince him I will not want to go back to this.

I tremble at the thought of him asking me for a lot of details that will probably shock him to the core. He knows I have had sex with other men, but has no idea the extent.

So how do you sit your husband down and tell him you will not have sex with other men any more after two years and get him to believe a word you are saying. And do I disclose it all????

I know, my gut tells me, I am running out of time.

Maybe I'm not making sense. I am so scared. I know I have left out many details but I do not want to make this so long no one reads it.

Anyone who has "put the genie" back in the bottle, please help me figure this out. Thank you for reading.
 
I don't think you tell him. You show him. I think I'd also try going back to monogamy before I'd tell him I can. Then when you tell him, you can honestly tell him you aren't seeing anyone else as opposed to it sounding like you're just grasping at straws to save the relationship. I don't think it's necessary to disclose the extent of your experience unless he specifically asks for it.

Have you tried talking to him? Telling him you feel the distance and would like to bridge the gap?
 
I don't think you tell him. You show him. I think I'd also try going back to monogamy before I'd tell him I can. Then when you tell him, you can honestly tell him you aren't seeing anyone else as opposed to it sounding like you're just grasping at straws to save the relationship. I don't think it's necessary to disclose the extent of your experience unless he specifically asks for it.

Have you tried talking to him? Telling him you feel the distance and would like to bridge the gap?

Pink Pig,

Thank you for your reply. I have actually started to do what you say. I have ended two relationships that I had been having. I am pretty sure I can go back to monogamy. Nothing in my sexual bucket list has not been done. Right now my sex drive is actually down a lot because of the anxiety.

I have not tried to talk to him yet. I am afraid what I might hear. I am afraid the questions will surely come. My husband is a very high level executive with a very large company and is not going to just say "OK, no problem". He obviously has been dealing for all this time knowing that once he left on his work trips that I was at it.

I'm also scared to death that he has found someone else somewhere he travels. I am married not only to a successful businessman but a 6'6", 260 pound hunk of a man that women I am sure lust after.

You are right though. I think I just need to gather up my courage and try to find a time when there are no distractions and have "the talk". Last time I told him I had to have the talk was when I told him I need to explore my sexuality. I'm sure his initial thought will be there is more that he will not like.

Next week end will probably bear my earliest chance. Thank you again for offering some help.
 
Honestly I don't think you can put the genie back in the bottle.

Work on reconnecting with your husband and date him again.
 
I am sorry you struggle.

I am prepared to go back to monogamy.

Ok. So you did monogamy for 25+ years, then had a 2 year chunk of time of doing non-monogamy. Now you wish to renegotiate agreements again with you husband. You wish return to Closed/monogamous relating with him for the next chunk of time.

So...ask him what he would like for the next chunk of time and where his willingness lies.

how do I ever convince him I will not want to go back to this.

All you can do is tell him what you want to commit to this for next chunk of time. Then when you get to the next check point, you see you continue with the same agreements or adjust again.

You can show him you are a person of your word, you can renegotiate and you can keep new agreements. You keep on holding up your end of the stick. But in the end... whether or not he believes you or not is up to him.

I tremble at the thought of him asking me for a lot of details that will probably shock him to the core. He knows I have had sex with other men, but has no idea the extent.

Your agreement was DADT. You can say you have had sex with other guys, and have had your lab screenings, and used safer sex practices and so on. But you don't have to get into TMI details.

Plus, you detail things are between you and the other lover. That lover might not want you blabbing private TMI details to others in your network. Your husband would not likely want you blabbing TMI details that are between him and you around either. There's "need to know" stuff like if condoms were used for sex health hygiene. That's reasonable information to share. Then there's TMI details. Lover Y likes doing it up in a tree, Lover Z likes being spanked wearing a tutu --- just not necessary to know for sex health hygiene.

So how do you sit your husband down and tell him you will not have sex with other men any more after two years and get him to believe a word you are saying. And do I disclose it all????

You could ask your husband if he's willing to set a time aside for a long talk. Say an hour in a quiet space where you can focus. When the appointment time rolls around? You make him aware that you want to renegotiate agreements again.

You no longer want non monogamy in a DADT model with husband. You would like to practice X for this next chunk of time. Is he up for that? Or would he want something else?

Find out the information you need to know. You cannot be a mind reader.

Galagirl
 
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I think you are jumping to conclusions.

Sit him down and explain what you think you are observing. Tell him you think it's time to revisit this because you feel he is pulling away from you. Hear what he has to say.

Either way, you are prepared to do whatever it takes.

Since you have a DADT you two will have to talk it out. How else would he know you quit?
 
I'm also scared to death that he has found someone else somewhere he travels. I am married not only to a successful businessman but a 6'6", 260 pound hunk of a man that women I am sure lust after.

Did your open marriage / DADT agreement include your husband also being able to see other people? Or was it just you, with him remaining monogamous? If he is involved with someone else, would you want/need him to end that relationship and return to a closed marriage with you? Just things to think about...

You say you have a gut feeling he's planning to leave, but until you talk to him you have no real idea what he's thinking or planning. In your shoes I'd figure out what you want (closed on your side? closed on both sides? open but focusing on reconnecting as spouses and partners?) and then see how that matches with what he says when you talk about it together.
 
Hi,

I feel somewhat unqualified to answer your question given your situation sounds so vastly different from mine, so don't feel bad if you read this and go, "What?!? No way!" And certainly please ignore me if you feel it isn't applicable.

I feel you are explaining two main problems. One is a fear of separation from your husband which you think is due to your non monogamy. Two is a fear that you have been doing things behind your husband's back which, while he technically agreed to in words, you fear he didn't really agree to in spirit.

For issue 1, you are terrified. You've made the decision that keeping your relationship with your husband is more important than non monogamy. Essentially, you feel you would rather attempt monogamy with your husband for life than to continue to pursue non monogamy. The question I'm hearing you ask is, "How do you convince your husband that you can do monogamy?"
I think the answer is soul searching and open honesty. By that,
I mean asking yourself why your younger self felt you needed non monogamy and why your current self does not. I feel that your younger self pushed for and fought hard for non monogamy because of your current needs. I suspect he will only believe you want monogamy if he sees monogamy aligning with your own needs. Hence, soul searching. If you felt your younger self was going through a midlife crisis and needed sex with other men, be honest to him and say that you think your younger self was going through a midlife crisis and you're done with that now. You thank him for his love and faith in you and now you want to be there for him, because of all the lovers you've met, he's still the best one. He needs to hear that. If you feel your younger self pursued non monogamy to fill in the time or boredom in your life after the children left, tell him that you think non monogamy was a hobby you thought you needed but one you are no longer interested in and now have plans to start a new hobby to fill in that empty time. Essentially, I feel you need to search within your soul to find out why your younger self needed non monogamy so badly and to convince your husband why it is you no longer need it. You may also need to prove and to make changes in your life so he can see this.​

For issue 2, the fear that what you did in your DADT agreement, although agreed to by your husband verbally, is not something he really agreed to... and the fear that if he finds out what you have really done with other men will make him very upset. You're probably correct on that. We tend to have a correct gut feeling about our partners when it comes to issues like that. If you had an agreement that he didn't really agree to and was uncomfortable knowing the details of, and you feel he's been stewing for months or years, lying awake at night in a foreign city wondering what you're doing at home with whom and how many times. That can drive a person a little crazy I think. Maybe just reinforce that he's the best man you've ever had and you want to be with him. Don't lie if he asks details - he will probably be able to sense that. If you feel you've crossed boundaries or broken his trust, articles from affair recovery websites might be useful. In particular, there is the book of "radical honesty" which is often recommended to people who feel trapped by the need to be honest but don't know how to be honest without hurting the ones they love.

I hope this helps. You will find that on these forums, we often give advice that is subtly flavoured by our own life experiences and sometimes interpret your situation wrongly. If you find that is so, please correct us and feel free to ignore things that you find to be accusatory or incorrect.

Good luck,
Shaya.
 
Honestly I don't think you can put the genie back in the bottle.

Work on reconnecting with your husband and date him again.

Dagferi,

Not sure what you mean here. If you are saying its only possible to go from monogamy to poly and not back I really do not believe that. If I was so committed to never considering "putting this genie" back in the bottle I would just not even bother trying to solve this and keeping my marriage intact.

Not sure what dating my husband means in the context of your thoughts. When he is home we interact like any married couple. We go out for dinner, go out for drinks, and I have been pretty good at not letting my outside social life invade the time he and I spend together. That was also one of the things I agreed to when our marriage changed to open or poly.

As I stated I am willing to stop seeing other men if my husband tells me this is what is causing what I feel is his decreasing affection towards me.
 
I am sorry you struggle.



Ok. So you did monogamy for 25+ years, then had a 2 year chunk of time of doing non-monogamy. Now you wish to renegotiate agreements again with you husband. You wish return to Closed/monogamous relating with him for the next chunk of time.

So...ask him what he would like for the next chunk of time and where his willingness lies.



All you can do is tell him what you want to commit to this for next chunk of time. Then when you get to the next check point, you see you continue with the same agreements or adjust again.

You can show him you are a person of your word, you can renegotiate and you can keep new agreements. You keep on holding up your end of the stick. But in the end... whether or not he believes you or not is up to him.



Your agreement was DADT. You can say you have had sex with other guys, and have had your lab screenings, and used safer sex practices and so on. But you don't have to get into TMI details.

Plus, you detail things are between you and the other lover. That lover might not want you blabbing private TMI details to others in your network. Your husband would not likely want you blabbing TMI details that are between him and you around either. There's "need to know" stuff like if condoms were used for sex health hygiene. That's reasonable information to share. Then there's TMI details. Lover Y likes doing it up in a tree, Lover Z likes being spanked wearing a tutu --- just not necessary to know for sex health hygiene.



You could ask your husband if he's willing to set a time aside for a long talk. Say an hour in a quiet space where you can focus. When the appointment time rolls around? You make him aware that you want to renegotiate agreements again.

You no longer want non monogamy in a DADT model with husband. You would like to practice X for this next chunk of time. Is he up for that? Or would he want something else?

Find out the information you need to know. You cannot be a mind reader.

Galagirl

Gala Girl,

Thank you for responding. Since I have joined here I have always liked reading your always well thought out responses. The chunk of time thing is what scares me. I know he went through a lot of emotional turmoil before accepting this journey I have undertaken and I am not sure how he will react if I tell him I'll try to stop but may change my mind again. I know nothing is in stone so you are right I have to figure out a way to show my commitment but also allow for that none of us can ever say for absolute sure what the future holds. I never ever thought I would be having sex with multiple men while still married , right??

I'm not worried about him wanting sexual details. My husband is NOT a co dependent meek man, He is handsome, successful, confident, and virile man. He is a former major college football player, and is not going to worry about "size" or that kind of stuff that many men seem to obsess over. He and I have done every possible sex act that men and women can do so no need for him to inquire if I did anything with others but not with him, which also seems to be concern for a lot of men when their wives either cheat or are active sexually with others.

What I believe he will want to know is what I am stating actually that I am giving up. He's going to want to know who these men are, geographical where they are, etc. I can't blame him for wanting to know if I have broken a major agreement ( no friends, no business associates, no other men in our home for a few). I don't think an answer to questions like this that says "its none of your business" will go over well. DADT for him meant he did not want to know I went out with someone last Tuesday night while he was gone and stayed out all night.
I just don't know how deep the questions he will ask are and I know if I am not truthful he will not accept that.

He is goin g out of town again on Monday morning until Friday. I am going to cancel the hook up plans I have and start to process this with a clear head . I will ask him tomorrow night to set aside much of next week end to talk.
My guess is he will think I have another "bomb" to drop on him . I'll do my best to calm those thoughts if they arise.

Thank you Gala Girl
 
I think you are jumping to conclusions.

Sit him down and explain what you think you are observing. Tell him you think it's time to revisit this because you feel he is pulling away from you. Hear what he has to say.

Either way, you are prepared to do whatever it takes.

Since you have a DADT you two will have to talk it out. How else would he know you quit?

Vinsanity,

Exactly what I need to do. I believe e I am mentally prepared to do exactly that, anything to save my marriage. Whatever that may be.
 
Did your open marriage / DADT agreement include your husband also being able to see other people? Or was it just you, with him remaining monogamous? If he is involved with someone else, would you want/need him to end that relationship and return to a closed marriage with you? Just things to think about...

You say you have a gut feeling he's planning to leave, but until you talk to him you have no real idea what he's thinking or planning. In your shoes I'd figure out what you want (closed on your side? closed on both sides? open but focusing on reconnecting as spouses and partners?) and then see how that matches with what he says when you talk about it together.

Girl,

My husband had or has had that I know of any interest in seeing other women. Don't know when he'd have much time. He works ridiculous hours and spend more time on airplanes in different time zones than I even want to think about. I love him so much for what he has sacrificed to provide our children and me with an opulent lifestyle that I never imagined was possible.

When I started this in the beginning I had even told him I would have been fine with him being with other women. Hell, most of my friends would jump at the chance . I guess if he really wants to open on his part I have no real right to challenge that after what I have been doing, but I actually hope not.

I want my closed monogamous marriage back but have to figure out how to get him to believe I want that. If he doesn't know about all the men I have been seeing how do my actions prove I am being true to my word. That is the crux. How do I get him to trust me knowing even what he knows.

What listening to what you all have said there is no doubt I have to have this talk and soon or I am going to go crazy with worry. I am not sorry at all that I just ended two of these outside relationships. One was pressuring me to do things that would be instant divorce like picking me up at home and spending time with him when my husband was home. I made it clear from the beginning that would not happen.

Wish me luck. Tomorrow night I will try to tell him how much I want some uninterrupted time to have a long talk. Thanks for your thoughts.
 
Shaya,

There is a lot to think about in what you have said. Too tired now but I want to respond tomorrow.
 
Putting the genie back in the bottle...

I think they meant that it is always there, even if you go back to mono. For some couples it becomes the elephant in the room they are trying to ignore, but it gets in the way of any progress. If you go back to monogamy you will have to continuously address this.
 
I want my closed monogamous marriage back but have to figure out how to get him to believe I want that.

You tell him that is what you want now. He believes that or not. Or... he's willing to try it on, and over time he comes to believe it because he observes you keeping the NEW agreements.

Promising "monogamy forever" might seem less than sincere. To grand/big of a change. If he needs a ramp up to it? Could promise a doable chunk of time with a check in. Show that you can do monogamy for a year (or whatever length of time you guys pick). Then have a check in to see how it is going, slightly adjust agreements if needed or just keep them the same, and then show it again for the next length of time. That's how your consistent actions over time prove that you are holding up your new agreements. You DO it.

Or maybe he believes your intention is "monogamy forever" is sincere already and don't need a ramp up. You do not know. You have to ASK HIM. That's another way you show you are trustworthy, reliable, and take what he says on board. You actively listen to what he has to say and what he needs.

You almost sound like "Help! I am anxious you are going to dump me! I'm going to promise you monogamy forever so you don't. Reassure me!" That's making it be all about you and what you want/need. That's not actively listening for what's been going on with him in his life, what's causing his not being present, and finding out what he might need at this point in time.

If he doesn't know about all the men I have been seeing how do my actions prove I am being true to my word.

I'm not sure what the number of past men has to do with your holding up your current agreements. Whether it was 5 other guys or 50... you either held up the current agreements or not.

You had DADT agreements and I think agreements about not hanging around the house with other lovers. Did you break any current agreements?

What listening to what you all have said there is no doubt I have to have this talk and soon or I am going to go crazy with worry.

Exactly. You cannot be a mind reader. Have the conversations you need to be having and find out what you need to know. Lean into it and talk whatever out. There's two topics of conversation:

1) You notice his not really being present. He seems distant. You miss him and want to reconnect.
2) You no longer want DADT agreements. You want to close/practice monogamy.

Could he be willing to set appointments to talk about each of those topics?​

Then when the appointment times come, you talk about it. Some might take more than one talk, so don't marathon and wear yourselves out. Set up as many
"follow up appointments" as needed.

Wish me luck. Tomorrow night I will try to tell him how much I want some uninterrupted time to have a long talk.

Good luck! I hope the talking goes well.

Galagirl
 
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Hi sexyserb,

It sounds like you want to return to a monogamous marriage, but aren't sure how to get your husband to believe you. I actually think it would help to show him this thread (on this board/forum), it would be a way of being candid towards him. In any case, action speaks louder than words and if you could show him you mean what you say, he'd be more likely to believe that. This would mean not seeing anyone new, and honestly not intending to see anyone new in the future.

Just some thoughts I had as I was reading through this thread.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
You tell him that is what you want now. He believes that or not. Or... he's willing to try it on, and over time he comes to believe it because he observes you keeping the NEW agreements.

Promising "monogamy forever" might seem less than sincere. To grand/big of a change. If he needs a ramp up to it? Could promise a doable chunk of time with a check in. Show that you can do monogamy for a year (or whatever length of time you guys pick). Then have a check in to see how it is going, slightly adjust agreements if needed or just keep them the same, and then show it again for the next length of time. That's how your consistent actions over time prove that you are holding up your new agreements. You DO it.

Or maybe he believes your intention is "monogamy forever" is sincere already and don't need a ramp up. You do not know. You have to ASK HIM. That's another way you show you are trustworthy, reliable, and take what he says on board. You actively listen to what he has to say and what he needs.

You almost sound like "Help! I am anxious you are going to dump me! I'm going to promise you monogamy forever so you don't. Reassure me!" That's making it be all about you and what you want/need. That's not actively listening for what's been going on with him in his life, what's causing his not being present, and finding out what he might need at this point in time.



I'm not sure what the number of past men has to do with your holding up your current agreements. Whether it was 5 other guys or 50... you either held up the current agreements or not.

You had DADT agreements and I think agreements about not hanging around the house with other lovers. Did you break any current agreements?



Exactly. You cannot be a mind reader. Have the conversations you need to be having and find out what you need to know. Lean into it and talk whatever out. There's two topics of conversation:

1) You notice his not really being present. He seems distant. You miss him and want to reconnect.
2) You no longer want DADT agreements. You want to close/practice monogamy.

Could he be willing to set appointments to talk about each of those topics?​

Then when the appointment times come, you talk about it. Some might take more than one talk, so don't marathon and wear yourselves out. Set up as many
"follow up appointments" as needed.



Good luck! I hope the talking goes well.

Galagirl

GalaGirl,

Planned to let him know last night but I could tell he was preoccupied with a big business meeting he has this week in California. He left this morning.

I am going to do exactly what you said to do. I am going to talk to him during the week and ask for an uninterrupted week end for just us. To answer a question you asked, I did not want to write a novel. The DADT agreements were not many but more than just not bringing lovers to the house. And I did violate them all, but hubby does not know that. That is why I am so concerned about the questions he will ask. I either lie directly to his face is he asks or I tell the truth 100% with no lying by omission. I do not think he will ask any questions about specific sex acts but I know if I tell him I want to go back to a closed marriage, I am almost certain he is going to ask a lot of questions.

I have done a lot of thinking, and Pink Pigs advice to start living monogamously again if I am going to prove anything to him, I have totally cancelled any "sexy times" I had planned for this week.

Thank you Gala for your direct advice. I know what I have to do. Doing it is not going to be easy
 
Hi sexyserb,

It sounds like you want to return to a monogamous marriage, but aren't sure how to get your husband to believe you. I actually think it would help to show him this thread (on this board/forum), it would be a way of being candid towards him. In any case, action speaks louder than words and if you could show him you mean what you say, he'd be more likely to believe that. This would mean not seeing anyone new, and honestly not intending to see anyone new in the future.

Just some thoughts I had as I was reading through this thread.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Kevin,

Thank you. You have it right. There is just absolutely no way I am going to sit my husband down, tell him I m ready to stop having sex with other men out of the clear blue sky, and have him just nonchalantly say "great". He makes multi million dollar decisions every day and is a very deliberate decision maker and gathers the facts.
He also would never post here. I'm not saying that derogatorily because there are some smart people here. But simply reading a few posts I wrote does not show him actions that back up words. I have to do that and I think it is going to all start with the truth to anything he asks.
I'm in a very anxious state because I know if I have any chance to fix this I hav e to get it all out there and not try to control the outcome.
 
And I did violate them all, but hubby does not know that. That is why I am so concerned about the questions he will ask. I either lie directly to his face is he asks or I tell the truth 100% with no lying by omission.

Tell the truth. That you broke agreements. You cannot keep these agreements like this. You tried it on and they pinch. And you ask for changes in agreements so you CAN keep them without pinching.

Perhaps the agreements were unrealistic/not doable as stated and needed refinement/changes.

Too bad you didn't bring it up sooner, but that doesn't mean you cannot bring it up now and ask to change agreements so you can keep them better.

He sounds SUPER busy. Maybe all that work stuff is why he's been so "off" and not exactly present?

I hope the the talk goes well.

Galagirl
 
Tell the truth. That you broke agreements. You cannot keep these agreements like this. You tried it on and they pinch. And you ask for changes in agreements so you CAN keep them without pinching.

Perhaps the agreements were unrealistic/not doable as stated and needed refinement/changes.

Too bad you didn't bring it up sooner, but that doesn't mean you cannot bring it up now and ask to change agreements so you can keep them better.

He sounds SUPER busy. Maybe all that work stuff is why he's been so "off" and not exactly present?

I hope the the talk goes well.

Galagirl

Gala Girl,

You tell me if you think the agreements were unrealistic. I think they were pretty fair, given that this was all my idea and quite frankly I would have agreed to a lot more in order to get my way back then. Without all the dialogue as to keep it short, the agreements were
(1) safe sex- violated that one real quick, but we were tested anyway, which he finds humiliating I know. Testing was going to happen even if I had not violated this
(2) no men in house or anywhere near our home in public.- violated this one a few times, mostly because if I was out drinking with a guy I did not want driving. Never did this with anyone I had just met, only with "regulars". This will be a BIG deal. We live in a very exclusive area, and may husband was absolutely adamant that this was to be kept a secret from ALL of our friends and acquaintances. Stupidest thing I did. This one could be a deal breaker. Sick thinking about it.
(3) no lovers or sex with anyone we know. He told me if this came back to his work we were DONE . Guess this is one Itechnically did not violate. In the beginning, there was a guy at our country club I liked but I let it go at some flirting that he noticed and called me out on. Had the opportunity presented itself back then I would have done this guy too.
(4) no videos showing my face that could be put on internet. I did a lot of sexting and camming with LDR.

Those were the main ones. I don't see how this could be considered unreasonable when you are asking your husband to accept your having sex with other men. I know some here are of the opinion that it "I get to do whatever makes me happy" and every want becomes a need. I think that is what ruins a lot of these relationships. My husband did not even discuss any restrictions or boundaries on sex. After all, I was telling him I needed to do this to explore my sexuality, not find a replacement for him so he knew I most likely would not be just having missionary sex once in a while. I do not think this will come up, although I think it might shock him if I tell him the extent ( threesomes, swingers clubs).

So Gala, I don't think it is going to be smart to try to renegotiate the above boundaries. It that I think I have to tell him. Not the past year but in the beginning I was out of control the minute he left for a trip Actually, not out of control. I knew exactly what I was doing and loved it.

The one thing I have done right is I have always made sure he was sexually taken care of. I initiate all the time and never let him leave for a trip without offering. But lately it is just like I am servicing him. No cuddles, no loving holding me for hours.
And yes, he is more than very busy. But what I am so scared of is the feeling I get even when we are together that has been going on for months now. He has not gotten more busy now or has not had any major changes in his travel. I just know something is up.
 
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