When can you trust that it is love and not NRE?

Unless having NRE is causing problems, then why does it matter? Enjoy the ride.

Some people do seem unable to make good choices when under the influence of NRE. But, in my experience, these people also tend to make bad decisions generally, not just when in NRE. So unless you don't make good decisions in life overall, NRE seems overblown to me as something to worry about. And if bad decision making is a problem, then you have bigger issues than NRE.
 
My take is that NRE can be handled well, just as much as it can be handled poorly. When I was in NRE with Snowbunny, I handled it poorly. That was my fault, not the fault of the NRE.
 
Unless having NRE is causing problems, then why does it matter? Enjoy the ride.

Some people do seem unable to make good choices when under the influence of NRE. But, in my experience, these people also tend to make bad decisions generally, not just when in NRE. So unless you don't make good decisions in life overall, NRE seems overblown to me as something to worry about. And if bad decision making is a problem, then you have bigger issues than NRE.
For the record, I do want to say that I totally agree with this, on the face of it.

My thought, though, is that NRE -- especially for those not experienced with the "falling in love" stuff for, say, a half-dozen times -- it's directly (1:1) analogous to me saying, "I have a friend who only shoots heroin on the weekends, he's a recognized health professional & fully functional, therefore I don't see that heroin is an issue in general."

I really enjoy good beer, so I'd be the last to (credibly) say there's anything inherently wrong with getting a good buzz on. But I'm ALSO experienced enough to know when to call a cab & let someone else do the driving. It'd be hugely irresponsible of me to give blanket approval & say drunkenness is "nothing to worry about."
 
I really enjoy good beer, so I'd be the last to (credibly) say there's anything inherently wrong with getting a good buzz on. But I'm ALSO experienced enough to know when to call a cab & let someone else do the driving. It'd be hugely irresponsible of me to give blanket approval & say drunkenness is "nothing to worry about."

Opalescent's point is that you'd call a cab because you're a generally experienced and responsible person. She's right that drunkenness is nothing to worry about in you. No one who lives a generally responsible life is going to suddenly start doing really crazy stuff, even while drunk. Drunkenness (which we are likening to NRE) is indeed "nothing to worry about" in someone who lives a life of mostly good decisions because a lot goes into making good decisions. Destructive, harmful drunken choices are going to come from someone who is otherwise also pretty destructive and harmful, if not as dramatically apparent while sober. You would call a cab, Ravenscroft, no matter how drunk or high on NRE, because even while under the influence of these highly intoxicating "substances," you're still a person who chooses to be responsible and non-destructive (if there's a word for that.) Your hypothetical health professional friend may appear to be fully functional to you, but would have to be making a whole lot of secret bad choices if he were shooting heroin on weekends. No-one who is truly "fully functional" (not just in appearance) is going to choose heroin for their Friday fun.

I agree with Opalescent that NRE is not the boogie man and in and of itself indeed nothing to worry about. People who repeatedly make bad decisions while high on NRE (or don't course-correct after one bad NRE decision) are very likely living a life of bad decisions and self-deception in general.
 
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No, I've got to stand behind the heroin analogy. I should note that oxycodone (OxyContin, Percocet) is pretty much molecularly identical to heroin, & as it'd really be difficult to establish a "safe threshold of use" before it tips clearly into classic addiction, a base assumption must be that anyone presently taking oxy is "very likely living a life of bad decisions" or probably will be, soon enough. If you'd prefer, we could change it from "heroin" to "cocaine," & then you'd have to state a belief that recreational snorters can't be trusted.

While not of itself dangerous (your kids can't steal it or accidentally ingest it, you probably can drive just fine), NRE is still drug-like enough to warrant caution, as well as regular encouragement to caution rather than the too common "hey, it's all groovy, man, just go wander around & enjoy the high!!" -- which also evades responsibility to discuss the likely end of the buzz (& how this ties into relational dissatisfaction) and the possibility for, if not outright addiction, repeated seeking for the buzz papered over with claims of Life-Long True Love.

Soft-headed Romanticism works poorly enough in monogamy. The enshrinement of NRE (& its regular willful confusion with "love") is a trendy bit of soft-headed Romanticism. I see no reason to import it into polyamory -- even less so if lacking close critical scrutiny.

Clearly, a few people are emotionally invested in the topic, & react to criticism of NRE as though a main foundation to their worldview is under threat. I'd say that reaction is less indicative of healthy objectivity than of some degree of dependence.
 
Ravenscroft, when you take "Some people do seem unable to make good choices when under the influence of NRE. But, in my experience, these people also tend to make bad decisions generally," and inflate it to "soft-headed Romanticism," "the enshrinement of NRE" and "a main foundation to their worldview is under threat," you are just being silly.
 
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While not of itself dangerous (your kids can't steal it or accidentally ingest it, you probably can drive just fine), NRE is still drug-like enough to warrant caution, as well as regular encouragement to caution rather than the too common "hey, it's all groovy, man, just go wander around & enjoy the high!!"

Sorry, just had to laugh :p - I rear-ended* a lady (at a green light) after dropping Dude off early in our "things" and the standing joke is that I was so "starry-eyed" that I was a menace!

(*It was really a minor "bump" - no damage or injury, the light turned green and I took my foot off the brake and was fishing my lighter off the floor and drifted into her...oops :eek:)
 
I once missed an exit on a highway because I was thinking about NRE sex with a new bf. Adding 20 minutes to my trip, taking the kids to the beach lol
 
Ravenscroft, when you take "Some people do seem unable to make good choices when under the influence of NRE. But, in my experience, these people also tend to make bad decisions generally," and inflate it to "soft-headed Romanticism," "the enshrinement of NRE" and "a main foundation to their worldview is under threat," you are just being silly.

I don't think so, actually. I'm... a recovering hopeless romantic, to be honest, and while that's sort of worked out well for me that's only by pure luck, as I've done some terribly stupid things in my life because of love. (Turned down multiple full scholarships to go to the same college as my now-husband, for instance).

And that sort of thing is something that gets held up by pop culture as The Right Way To Live Life. Disney movies (though they've been getting better!), most of the rest of Hollywood, songs, books, everything.

(And yeah, I too am an idiot when on NRE - but that's because I'm absent minded in general and having one more thing to think about isn't necessarily great...)
 
Not unless you are in a "new relationship" with yourself, and even then I don't know.
 
Is it possible to experience NRE by yourself?

Do you mean that you have a crush, but your crush doesn't have one on you?

Then it's just a crush because there isn't really a relationship. But you might feel the same as you would in NRE.
 
To me? I think so. NRE is a brain thing, a state of mind. That's what crushes are. All that amped up googly whee/ugh stuff happening in the brain. It's a response to stimulus.

It doesn't have to be mutual or reciprocated or like sharing NRE googlies together. I mean, that could be a stop on the trip eventually if it happens to unfold that way but not necessarily.

More people could get on the Bus eventually... but not necessarily.

But you can get on the Bus put the key in and get it all cranked up by yourself without having yet left the station, gone anywhere, or picked up any passengers yet. Running the RPMs going vrrrrrrmmmmm! in the driveway. Just cranking up the engine making it run and get all hot.

Galagirl
 
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I think the key is awareness. Being aware of the NRE. In doing so, you can enjoy it without letting it control your choices.
 
I think the key is awareness. Being aware of the NRE. In doing so, you can enjoy it without letting it control your choices.

Yeah, you have to kind of train yourself to stop and think, something I wish I had learned much earlier in life. Then again, maybe a person has to make some of those mistakes to actually learn. It's one thing to work it out on an intellectual level. Actually putting into practice is a whole different thing.
 
maybe a person has to make some of those mistakes to actually learn. It's one thing to work it out on an intellectual level. Actually putting into practice is a whole different thing.
All agreement here. :)

One of the unfortunate carryovers from Monogamism is the widespread belief that "success" MUST be achieved from the very first step into nonmonogamy. This seems to lead directly to many errors that could've been avoided with just a little more calm, & sometimes to "sticking with" really poor relational choices so as not to admit to the mistake.
 
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