This is me kvetching out about something which is bothering me. In the great scheme of things it is a small matter but if anyone can help me gain a better perspective on it that would be great.
Tam and I have shared a bedroom since the '80's. Recently he said he needs a better sense of personal space. He feels that my freely walking into our room is intrusive. He said he would feel better if I always knock and wait for permission before entering.
I agreed to try as, while irksome, it seems like a small gesture. The thing is, I feel ill used every time I forget and he gets annoyed at me. It rubs me the wrong way to be reprimanded for opening my own door.
What makes it feel worse is that he already has 3 spaces in our house that are set up for him with doors that close where he could have control over who enters.
He has a small 6'x6' sun room with a four drawer desk, a dresser with a hutch, and a wall cabinet, as a hobby room. He has stacked hobby stuff in there so it is not easy to use.
The garage is 2/3 full of his hobby stuff. In it he has a partitioned off space with a table, chairs, rugs, etc. for doing hobby stuff. The area is cluttered up plus he feels he can't fairly keep others from coming into the garage. So he does not use it.
Off the master bath is a small dressing area half of which I set up for him to use as a home office with a computer table, a bookcase, nice curtains and some of his favorite art. He has decided he does not like being basically in the bathroom and stopped using it. The computer table and chair are stacked with his stuff but he feels hurt that I have stored things in there again.
If he wants a comfier place than a desk chair he could move stuff out of one of those places and put in his armchair, which is currently in the dining room hidden under a plie of hobby stuff.
For my space I have half our bedroom. Which he always enters without knocking and often leaves the door open even when I am trying to sleep.
To be fair, he is out of the house working in a busy office all day while I work at home so when the kids are in school I have time to myself. He also has ADD so interruptions are jarring. Ray, my Significant Other, having his own room (albeit amongst our stuff in a large walk-in closet) may also be a factor.
Still, after decades of sharing space it is hurtful to be told I should check to see if I am welcome in my own room.
How do I get over it? Or is he being unreasonable?
Leetah
Tam and I have shared a bedroom since the '80's. Recently he said he needs a better sense of personal space. He feels that my freely walking into our room is intrusive. He said he would feel better if I always knock and wait for permission before entering.
I agreed to try as, while irksome, it seems like a small gesture. The thing is, I feel ill used every time I forget and he gets annoyed at me. It rubs me the wrong way to be reprimanded for opening my own door.
What makes it feel worse is that he already has 3 spaces in our house that are set up for him with doors that close where he could have control over who enters.
He has a small 6'x6' sun room with a four drawer desk, a dresser with a hutch, and a wall cabinet, as a hobby room. He has stacked hobby stuff in there so it is not easy to use.
The garage is 2/3 full of his hobby stuff. In it he has a partitioned off space with a table, chairs, rugs, etc. for doing hobby stuff. The area is cluttered up plus he feels he can't fairly keep others from coming into the garage. So he does not use it.
Off the master bath is a small dressing area half of which I set up for him to use as a home office with a computer table, a bookcase, nice curtains and some of his favorite art. He has decided he does not like being basically in the bathroom and stopped using it. The computer table and chair are stacked with his stuff but he feels hurt that I have stored things in there again.
If he wants a comfier place than a desk chair he could move stuff out of one of those places and put in his armchair, which is currently in the dining room hidden under a plie of hobby stuff.
For my space I have half our bedroom. Which he always enters without knocking and often leaves the door open even when I am trying to sleep.
To be fair, he is out of the house working in a busy office all day while I work at home so when the kids are in school I have time to myself. He also has ADD so interruptions are jarring. Ray, my Significant Other, having his own room (albeit amongst our stuff in a large walk-in closet) may also be a factor.
Still, after decades of sharing space it is hurtful to be told I should check to see if I am welcome in my own room.
How do I get over it? Or is he being unreasonable?
Leetah
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