Book Recommendations

AkiSnow

New member
I'd like to recommend a couple of books, Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami and Adultery by Paulo Coelho.

Both books deal with relationships, depression and spirituality, one from a more emotional male perspective, the other from a more rational female perspective.

I guess I should make this disclaimer again. I'm aware that there are many LGBT in the poly community. I just think it is useful to analyze male and female behaviors and biological drives. I myself am straight male, but I recognize I have a lot of feminine qualities.

The protagonist of Norwegian Wood is Watanabe, a single man. The protagonist of Adultery is Linda, a married woman. Statistically, single men and married women have much higher rates of depression. My theory is that men are more prone to loneliness, and women are more prone to feeling trapped by a relationship.

Watanabe is drawn to two women, his childhood friend Naoko and a woman he meets in university, Midori. Naoko suffers from emotional trauma and spends most of the story in a sanatorium that she checked herself into. I'll just use this decriprtion of Midori from Wikipedia: "Midori is everything that Naoko is not — outgoing, vivacious, and supremely self-confident. Despite his love for Naoko, Watanabe finds himself attracted to Midori as well."

He spends time with both women, unable to make a choice until the end of the book. I understand his attraction to both women. Naoko makes him feel strong and being strong for a woman feels amazing. Men have a biological drive to be the hero, to make sacrifices. I myself have suffered from this hero complex many times. I've dated many emotionally damaged and mentally unstable people. I tried to be strong and compassionate, but for me, the relationships I had eventually became unbearably toxic.

The protagonist of adultery drives me nuts! Perhaps because her attitudes remind me of some of my ex-girlfriends a little too much. Women absolutely love this book though, so I guess there must be something about being in a stable relationship with a filthy rich, emotionally rock solid, supportive husband that just isn't enough for some women. I suppose it's just the desire for adventure, excitement, mystery, etc. As a guy, I can get that from reading a book or playing a video game, but I guess women want something more real.

Linda's husband is a total badass and has the right attitude to be polyamorous.

SPOILERS!


When the topic of jealousy comes up he says jealousy is trying to control the uncontrollable. When Linda is about to confess the affair, he preempts the confession by telling her he trusts her. AND at the end of the book you find out that he sacrificed his dream of travelling the world to marry and have a family with Linda.
 
Linda's sitch reminds me a little of Kate's sitch (played by Cate Blanchett) in the 2001 film "Bandits." Kate has a rich husband and all the material wealth she could want, yet she is clearly itching to break out of that perfectly-made mold and experience some real fun and adventure out in the world. The difference is that she leaves her husband outright, and "eases" into a V relationship (she's the hinge) with the story's two male protagonists. I wouldn't call it a spiritual story, but the "Adultery" story reminded me of it.

Sounds like interesting books; alas I'm such a slow reader ...
 
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